The Luck of the Irish
by silverfingers
Summary: Fic begun before TOD. Artemis is puzzled. Why does he have these odd memories? Is Butler's new protege really insane? Why should he care if his parents name his baby sister Holly? And the biggest question of all: what does Jon Spiro have against him?
1. How under the earth?

Artemis Fowl was in front of his computer, staring vacantly at the screen. Usually, 'vacant' would be the last word you'd use to describe his diamond-blue stare. It had the ability to make you believe anything he told you, make you start accidentally calling him 'Sir', or just generally make whoever it was trained on feel very uncomfortable. All of the sudden he shook himself, snapping out of his momentary reverie. He'd done it again. It had been almost two weeks since he'd had what he was starting to catch himself referring to as a 'flash'. This time, it had been a slight heat haze, seen outside the window, reflected in this dark computer screen. A _heat haze_, for pity's sake. An isolated incident of evaporation. It hadn't been a very strong stimuli, he remembered- just enough to make him think twice. He found himself leaning his forehead against his computer screen, running through his mental list of Things That Suddenly Make Me React Oddly. There were things such as acorns, and his newly acquired sense of claustrophobia in orange places. And now, heat hazes. The flash just now had been too brief for him to actually recognize. Fowl let his mind wander back over the past five months.

He had woken up that one morning and found that he, Butler and Juliet alike had mysterious contact lenses in their eyes. Butler had gone to Limerick, to a specialist. The specialist had admitted to crafting them, then insisted that it had been Butler himself who had commissioned the work and presented him with the design, although, the man had admitted, Butler had seemed a bit more fit back then. Even a lot of ah-_pressure_- from a still dangerous, if older, Butler had failed to produce anything else, though Artemis and Butler were firmly convinced the man was lying. His story was the only thing that made sense- except for the obvious reason that it couldn't. Artemis tried to get his mind off this topic. He'd thought about it often enough. But that was no good-his mind soon turned to his bank balance, and the discovery he'd made about it's contents. Half a ton of gold. _Half_ a _ton_ of _gold_. That would be one/half of one metric ton of gold, in Latin, Aurum, chemical symbol Au. How under the Earth did he steal a half ton of gold and not remember? He had hacked into bank records and it had been all deposited at once. But he didn't remember doing that. Wait…all of the sudden he did. (A/N Remember…the 'best thing' about the mind wipes is that the victim's own mind creates memories to fill in the blanks. Artemis has given this matter his full attention, so whoosh…new memory! Foaly will be pleased.) Okay…that was weird. Where had that memory been hiding? Was it connected to the lenses?

How _under_ the Earth!

Artemis heard a pounding at his door. He looked up to see his father.

"Arty, your mother's on the warpath. I'd change out of the Armani- you didn't forget that we were going out to lunch, did you? You know your mother would prefer you to dress more casually. Are you all right?" Artemis nodded, aware of the rings under his eyes and the crow's feet that had prompted the question. "Good," said Artemis Senior. "I'm off to wake up Butler." Artemis scowled. He started the creation of a new virus on his computer, so he could look forward to hacking into Microsoft after the dinner. Then he went to find the least offensive of the 'normal teenager' clothes his mother had asked Juliet to help pick out. Truth be told, Juliet hadn't selected anything that horrendous, knowing there was no point in buying something she knew Little Arty wouldn't wear. Still, Artemis preferred his own clothes, which were in general, pretty unremarkable. He still liked his suit. It was just that there was no point at all in wearing a tie everyday.


	2. And The Pepper, Too

Artemis Fowl was at lunch, determinedly _not_ looking at the heat haze out the window. It is not there. I will not turn around in my chair to get another look. Hey, if I tilt my head I can see it reflected in the silverware…darn it. Artemis brought his mind sharply to focus on the conversation, which reminded him why he hadn't been listening in the first place. His mother was talking about the problems she'd been having lately. Again. Part of the reason they were here at this place was because she had seen it and all of the sudden, really, _really _wanted some sushi. Angeline was upset. She'd been working out almost three times a week, but hadn't been able to lose a sudden, stubborn weight gain. Artemis sat up and listened to the conversation for about two minutes, then leaned forward.

"Mother?"

"Oh- yes, Arty dear?"

"You're pregnant, Mother. Pass the salt." Angeline Fowl leaned back in her chair with a thump.

"W-**what** did you say?"

"The _salt_, Mother." He paused. "Oh. Sorry. _Please_, pass the salt."

"Artemis!" This time, it was his father. Fowl Junior sighed.

"Mother's pregnant, Father. I really cannot believe that I spotted this before you. About three months gone so far, if I'm correct, which I usually am. She seems healthy, but schedule a doctor's appointment at once. And I advise that she quit her diet. Butler?" Butler jolted awake.

"Yes?"

"Please pass the salt."

(A/N I solemnly swear that this is not destined to become some cutesy aww-a-baby fic. I would have put something like that in the summary. Don't you people **_trust_** me? There shall be a little bundle of joy eventually, though.)

Down in the Lower Elements, hours later, Captain Holly Short of the LEP had woken up. Arrgh. She had the sunset shift this week. It was wa-a-ay too early to be up. Holly turned on the wall panel TV, and headed for the shower. When she got out, her home computer informed her she had a message. Holly clicked 'Play' and went into the bedroom to listen to it. It was from Trouble Kelp.

beep" Holly, it's Trouble. Holly, before you turn on the news-" It was too late. Holly had caught sight of the Morning News, and even worse, could hear what the reporter with the impressive forelock was saying. Her coffee cup crashed to the floor.

(It didn't break, because it was made of a virtually unbreakable plastic which sealed automatically when sensors detected it was falling. It had proven it's worth many, many times. Like for example, when Root yelled at her. The experience of a crimson Beetroot popping up behind you and yelling your name at a decibel level that definitely crossed the pain threshold was more than enough to make anyone yell and drop their coffee. The only part that really bothered Holly was that sometimes the male officers mimed screaming like little girls and dropping their coffee when she entered the break room. No; actually the part that really bothered her was that she couldn't hurt them without losing her job.) By the time it took Recon's first female officer to think through all this, she had her helmet under her arm and was almost at work.

Coming Soon: Chapter Three. Will Artemis ever get his salt? The world may never know. Oh yeah, and what's up with Holly?


	3. Ditz on the Horizon

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am nothing. Leave me ALONE!

A/N To PBII, lilacpurple and ArtyChick: Thanks so much 4 reviewing. It's nice to know SOME people CARE! (glowers at those who read and didn't review)

Now, for the part people actually CARE about! (the chapter):

Holly burst into the police station and started to wind her way through the maze of corridors. She stopped in front of a break room. A bunch of male fairies were watching the news. The news that had caused her to drop her coffee and set off for work so fast that she actually arrived early, which would definitely give Root a heart attack if Holly didn't kill him first. The reason for this was currently the subject of Haven City News. ("All The News That's Fit To Talk About") The HCN reporter was talking in front of a flattering headshot of the fairy who was, at least in Holly's opinion, the bimbo face of the LEP .

That's right. It was Lili Frond causing Holly's remarkably rotten mood.

"…and in today's news, Corporal Lili Frond has been promoted. Frond is indeed a descendant of the Frond Dynasty and her new rise in the ranks makes her eligible for promotion to the Reconnaissance Squad of the LEP. This would make Lili only the second female in Recon to date, the first being the stunning -but notorious- Captain Holly Short. " A shot of Holly now shared the screen with Frond.

"Will Frond decide to declare interest in becoming a Recon member after this promotion? We go live with an interview later…" Holly had heard enough. Sometime today, she would run into Trouble, or Foaly. If she found them both at once, then that would save her ranting time. Corporal Frond was, and had always been, an airhead in Holly's opinion. She had counted her blessings in that at least she didn't come into contact with the blonde bimbo very often, except for in video files, where Frond was always sure to get the starring role. That was about to change. _How_ a ditz like that _ever_ got a job as a police officer! From what she had heard, Lili hadn't been actually promoted to Recon-Holly would definitely have heard about that. Besides, you couldn't get into Recon with hair-flipping skills alone. (Come to think of it, how could Frond stand all that hair? It had to get in the way. That was why Holly favored a buzz cut. She didn't even put it in a ponytail, like Juliet Butler did.) But now, Frond would be in the same building and cubicle block as Captain Short. She would have to deal with the airhead's laugh, hair, and general air headedness every single day.

On the plus side, Chix would have someone new to hit on.

On the minus side, Lili Frond was going to be breathing her air. (And contaminating it with that cloying perfume.)

At least there'd be another girl to talk to.

Another grossly incompetent girl. She'll probably do her makeup in her cubicle, then spill it on her paperwork. But that'll be okay, because some gremlin like Chix will be all over doing it for her.

At least he won't be trying to help _me_. This might not be so bad. Onto the next thing that had been niggling at the back of her mind…

_Stunning but notorious_! (A/N see the reporter's bit.) Oh, that Artemis Fowl Abduction. She was never going to be able to live that down, at least in the civilian world. If the two canceled each other out, she should see how many abductions Frond was worth. Well, _this _day had started out well, remarked her pessimistic side. She had a feeling it would be making quite a few more comments after Frond moved in.

A/N Thanks to all my reviewers, again. Sorry about the shortness of my chapters...this one was going to be longer but I decided to divide the second part into Chapter 4, coming soon. Always remember, guys: The floor is lava!


	4. The Fourth Chapter

Disclaimer: I own no part of Artemis Fowl, except in my dreams, and those don't count, according to my lawyer.

The acolytes glared at each other. They could have passed for three normal teenagers that weren't particularly fond of each other, except for the fact that the boys were doing chin-ups and the girl had biceps larger than most people twice her age. Also, all three had excellent posture. This is exceptionally remarkable in a fourteen-year-old. Finding three in the same room is a staggering statistical improbability.

A small Asian woman entered the compartment of their train, and the children sprang up at once (jostling each other so that everyone got their heads banged against the luggage rack at least once) and went into deep bows. Madam Ko demanded it. The girl and boys didn't care much for bowing, because blatantly acknowledging superiority was not something that came naturally to them. They did, however, care about not being thrown out of Madam Ko's Academy, so they followed protocol. Madam Ko did not put up with much. They were the three best students of their age in the Academy, well on their way to becoming bodyguards. Why these three, none of whom were Butlers, should find bodyguarding so exciting was beyond most people who met them. Madam Ko spoke.

"The train is pulling into the station. You three, get the luggage. We will go to see a few people now. No trying to kill each other." The students very carefully avoided looking at one another, all except the girl, who was instead very carefully avoiding looking out the window. She had figured out they were in Ireland before anyone else, because there was a LEP Academy rookie testing out one of Foaly's new Sunshield Suits up in the sky. Cadet Rosa Fern was under the impression that she was shielded from human eyes. And she was. Just not one pair. The female acolyte sighed. Grabbing a fifty-pound luggage bag (Madam Ko had filled it with gravel), she left the compartment. Her fellow bodyguards-in-training were shocked when she didn't even try to bump them against the door frame.

Back underground, a meeting between some LEP officers over the budget was in full swing. They had been arguing and drinking coffee for about an hour when the prettiest new officer in a quite a while poked her blonde head through the door frame.

"Hello! I am so sorry to interrupt, but has anyone seen Captain Short? She's supposed to be in here, but oh well. She _is_ rather elusive, isn't she-I've been trying to track her down all day. If you seeHolly later, give me a shout, okay?" Frond batted her eyelashes outrageously. "Well, thank you, boys. I'll just be off." The men watched her leave. Then, one by one, they all turned and looked at the only empty chair, right next to Trouble Kelp. The chair wasn't empty any more. Captain Short was now occupying it, looking around innocently at everyone as if saying "Why is everyone looking at me?"; and the only fairies in the room who knew Short had ducked under the table the second she'd heard Frond approaching were Trouble Kelp and Foaly the centaur.

A/N: REVIEW AT **_ONCE_**!


	5. Magazines and New Arrivals

Thank you all sooo much for reviewing, I never understood the big deals authors made over reviews until I became one. I love you ALL SO MUCH!

LaBOBurnen: An acolyte is a like a student/trainee.

Witchintraining: This chapter does have some Arty.

IhateBeetroot: Are those giantHershey's kisses good?

Nota Lone: Aww, you're making me blush.

Cyberspace: Worry not. There shall be no A/H, Arty/Hollys are evil By Decree Of Author.

TrisakAminawn: 1. Thanks! 2. Huh? I'm presuming that's the response you are going for with that cool little saying.

Lilacpurple: I left you out on purpose. HAHAHA I'm so evil.

On with the story! Note: Since both Artemis and his father appear here, it would probably be best for you to assume the word Artemis is referring to the younger one. Also can anybody tell me where I got the name Lobsang? Anyone?

Madam Ko and her students had traveled via rental car to Fowl Manor, to visit the best students the Academy turned out: the Butlers. Well, just Butler, really. Juliet had decided to become a wrestler. In Madam Ko's view, any occupation that was not 'bodyguard' was just that: a not-bodyguard. Other things, like wrestlers, accountants, and meteorologists had their place, but if it didn't have anything to do with body guarding, Madam Ko didn't have anything to do with _it_. She was glad Juliet had found something more suitable to her temperament, though: Butler at eighteen had been a model bodyguard, but Juliet wouldn't shut up. Madam Ko had long ago learned that Juliet was a perky, happy teenager with a temperament unsuited to body guarding, but had continued to teach the girl. Now she was a wrestler, which was fine, but at the moment Madam Ko wanted a bodyguard. She rang the bell as her three top students waited quietly behind her, looking at each other as if to say: "You are still my mortal enemy in every way possible, but do you have any idea why the heck we're here?" The door was answered by Juliet, home for a visit from America, who immediately sank into an instinctive bow.

"Get up, girl. Where is Butler?" Juliet glanced at the three acolytes with curiosity.

"Dom! Where a-are you? Just a moment, sensei." Madam Ko looked scandalized.

"Juliet, you thoughtless girl! You must not reveal Butler's name to his Principal. What if Artemis Fowl had been here?"

Just as Juliet turned around, Butler, Angeline and Artemis Senior came in from another room. Artemis Senior looked very happy, but a little overwhelmed- he was reliving the endless preparations for a new baby that had preceded Artemis Junior. This included Angeline discussing whether the new baby was going to be a girl or a boy, not that it mattered, but did they really want it to be a surprise, well yes they did, but was there any way to know without knowing- _every half hour_. Timmy had discovered a few things, however:

1) Not a lot of comment was actually wanted of him. He was just there to make affirming noises.

2) Angeline was easily distracted by a new baby magazine.

As for the other member of the Fowl family, Artemis Junior had not been spotted fully conscious since eight o'clock the previous evening. Timmy resisted the urge to think 'smart kid.' Arty had been sleeping late, and was currently skulking around in lesser-used portions of the house. His ability to walk without making any noise was being well exercised, especially around his mother, and also when stealing the Wall Street Journal from his father. (Reme-e-mber? That was, like, the first thing Holly noticed about him during her captivity.) Another thing that was being discussed not as incessantly but just as urgently by his parents was whether or not they should take him in for counseling. Although maybe that wasn't such a good idea…Dr. Po was one of the most harassed-looking people he had ever met…Artemis Fowl Senior brought his attention back to the present.

"We are honored by your presence, Madam." Angeline said respectfully, then started to play hostess. Just then, the only absent member of the family showed up with a load of magazines. _New Baby_, _Guns and Ammo_, _Baby Magazine_, the _Wall Street Journal_, _Interior Decorating _(the nursery edition), _Woman's World_, The _Wall Street Journal_, and _Wrestling Weekly_. (You may have noticed that the _Wall Street Journal _is on there twice. Artemis Senior was a businessman, and Artemis Junior was still a thief, which meant that both of them were getting tired of waging a private war over the _Journal. _Angeline ordered a second subscription out of desperation.) The three acolytes looked him over. Lobsang, the first boy, had dark hair held back in a ponytail. He took a look at Artemis and decided he was just some rich kid-not a threat. Tawney, the girl, looked Artemis over a little more carefully-she'd heard of the Fowls. For now, she turned back to the conversation, because her Important Decisions Are Being Made About My Fate sense was going off like crazy, and merited more attention than some mystery boy. The second boy's name was Terence. He gave Artemis a worried look, taking in the extreme, vampiric paleness and expression. Then he turned back to examining the security cameras, trying to figure out where they were placed. Madam Ko was talking

"…these three have been competing since the day they all enrolled. They are my best because of it, but also each has a strong internal drive. Take one as a student." Terence jerked his head around so hard it hurt, Lobsang's eyes narrowed dangerously, Tawny's mouth was hanging open. Artemis blinked. This sounded suspiciously like an attempt to build his social skills. But surely it was a little elaborate for his parents…

"Take on…a student? But I'm employed here…I'm not a teacher…they're enrolled at your academy." He trailed off.

"Yeah, D-my big brother isn't exactly gifted with kids…besides, Ar-the _family _needs him. And he's getting old." Madam Ko sighed.

"I realize that I cannot make you. But you are getting…old. You must do something to fill up your time. These three are already excellent, maybe almost as good as you were then." Butler was weakening. But, he reasoned, he couldn't ask that of the Fowls, especially not with the new baby on the way…

"Well of course they could stay here," exclaimed Mrs. Fowl enthusiastically. Drat, thought Butler. He sighed. "All right. Let's go outside for a little test of your abilities." Terence flinched. Lobsang looked more determined than ever to beat his classmates. Tawney tied her hair back. Artemis blinked again. **_What_**?


	6. In Which I Am Unable To Finish Titles

I love all my reviewers. (Whoa…that sounded wrong.)

Random Quote for today: "Nervous? Nervous? No…not if there's clowns."

Yes, I did indeed get the name Lobsang from _Thief of Time _by Terry Pratchett. I'm sorry it was wasted on a trivial character, (it's an awesome name) but I called him Lobsang in my head one day and Lobsang he remained. Also, I hope this chapter is suitably long enouhg for your liking.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of Eoin Colfer's characters. Stop making me write these disclaimers-they only rub it in.

It was 8:00 at night. Artemis was reading a book containing mostly words with far too many syllables, his mother was knitting, and his father was off getting his mother some canned peaches. (Pregnancy cravings were setting in.) The door creaked open, and Artemis, Juliet and Angeline heard the sound of Butler and three acolytes entering the entry hall. (That's why it was called the entry hall. Because people entered it.) The three acolytes were standing there, lined up. They were all extremely sweaty. Artemis shuddered. This was why he hated exercise. Butler stood there in front of them, as Madam Ko had headed off to a hotel.

"Well, that was a moderately impressive demonstration. Terence, you are best at spotting traps. Lobsang, you are good at setting up traps and ambushes. And Tawny is remarkable at beating the crud out of people." Tawny looked flattered, (but exhausted) and mumbled something that sounded like

"…reckon there's more'n one kind…haven't managed to beat it out of anybody yet."

"Be that as it may," Butler cut in smoothly, "Nobody is markedly better than anybody else, so I'm going to ask you a couple questions and tomorrow we'll decide. First question: Why do you want to be a bodyguard?" Terence said something about how he liked helping people. Lobsang mentioned the proud, noble art of personal protection. Tawny came back with "Why do you?"

"No answering questions with questions."

"It's fun."

"You think body guarding is fun? So did Juliet, but she decided it wasn't for her in the end."

"I meant that answering questions with questions was fun. I want to be a bodyguard because when I'm out there- I feel like I was born for it." Butler opened his mouth, but decided not to argue. "Okay, next question. Why should I pick you? Terence?"

"I'm the most patient and ready to learn." Butler nodded. "Lobsang?"

"I have the potential to be the best." He nodded again. "Tawney?"

"I never give up. I never stop trying. I can be better than Lobsang." Tawny managed a wobbly smirk. (She'd been 'demonstrating her ability' since ten AM. Wobbly was the best she could do.) Butler raised an eyebrow, and Tawny cursed mentally. She was already out of the legendary Butler's favor.

"Last question. What is your most off-putting thing-the thing that would most inhibit your ability to be a bodyguard? Lobsang?" Lobsang swallowed. "I'm a little arrogant." Butler didn't nod, but moved on. Terence thought for a second. How best to put this? "I'm -ah- kind of hesitant. I sometimes flinch." Butler looked at Tawny. She didn't have to think at all. In a dull monotone, she stared at the floor and said, "I'm insane." Butler blinked. Artemis's mother gasped. Artemis himself poked his head around the door frame and said "Excuse me?" Tawny glared right at him, and her brain told her that now would be a really bad time to say "You heard me" in an angry/hurt tone of voice.

"You heard me," said Tawny, sounding angry and hurt. Artemis shut the book.

"You misunderstand me, mademoiselle. I was just wondering what you had"

"You _really_ want to know?" Tawny didn't sound happy. Angeline Fowl wondered whether to stop her son, it was obviously a touchy subject, but it was also the first sign of interest he'd ever shown towards anyone his own age, since-ever? No, that couldn't be right, he _must_ have shown an interest before this-

"Isolated level three psychosis," said Tawny. Artemis took another step into the room. "That is an oxymoron. Anyone with Level Three psychosis cannot be having isolated symptoms anymore."

"Yeah, well I'm just special. You want to see my official certificate?"

"You carry it around with you?"

"Only because my psychiatrist makes me. What makes you such an authority on psychosis?"

"I never said I was. Very well-what are these 'isolated' symptoms?"

"Fairies. I see fairies. I'm normal otherwise," Tawny said quietly, looking at him as if to say: 'make of that what you will.' Artemis's eyes widened-just for a second, when she said the word 'fairies', then he raised an eyebrow. Butler jerked his head around so fast he should have sued for whiplash.

"Okay, this has gone far enough." Angeline had finally realized that enough was enough. Everyone jumped. Her son was in a psychological debate with a girl who was practically swaying on her feet, and the other two, whatever their names were, were following it like a tennis match-their heads were going back, and forth, following the ball. "I'm sure you're all very tired. I will show you to your rooms for tonight, and Arty?" Her son looked over. Angeline did not smile.

"It's past your bedtime."

It occurred to Artemis that he was being sent to his room. It also occurred to him that he might just want to go quietly. Certain battles were won by retreating-

Just as he thought that phrase, he got the feeling that he'd though it before, when another woman was angry at him, only a great deal angrier than his mother was now. It had something to do with-darnit. He'd lost the flash. He needed to be alone to think this through. Everyone in the room watched as Artemis broke out of his sudden reverie and headed up the stairs.

If today's chapter offended anyone who maybe knows anything about psychosis, I am sincerely sorry. Do not hesitate to flame me. And I want you to know: I am completely making it up. All of it. I know nothing about mental illness. Level Three is completely made up. MADE UP! And for those who don't remember, Tawny did see a fairy back in Chapter 4.


	7. The Third Fight

Thanks for all my reviews J. I noticed you guys getting irritated at me for not updating, so I decided it was time to…eat some pistachios! _Then_ I updated. Okay, there's just one thing about this chapter: when it says 'see footnote one', scroll down to the bottom and …(ready for it?) _read footnote one_. Then scroll back up. PLEASE. It's not a terribly complicated system, but I am fond of my footnotes and they explain a great deal of the story. Speaking of which, does anyone have ideas for the plot? I've got 2 possible storylines at the moment, but I'm open to suggestions. I was hoping the plot would just emerge as I wrote, but I realized that was the same as trying to get the story to write itself, which is obviously not happening anytime this century.

Disclaimer: I own none of Eoin Colfer's books or characters. The description of the Friendly Handshake is taken almost verbatim from the book Jingo by Terry Pratchett. The thing about thinking of a real fight in terms of training fights is inspired by _Thief of Time_ by the same author. I hate disclaimers.

The sun had risen, and Tawny, Lobsang and Terence had gotten breakfast. They were now waiting impatiently for the great Butler, who had risen considerably later ( one of the perks of old age), to finish _his_ breakfast. Terence was playing chess with Tawny in a joint effort to keep calm. Lobsang was pacing slowly back and forth. The door opened, and Terence and Tawny jumped to their feet while Lobsang did a sharp about-face and stopped his pacing. Everyone's breath caught in their throat…Butler was here to announce his choice.

It was Artemis Junior. He ignored them and walked quickly to the bookshelf to get something. Artemis had decided that there was no getting around the other people in his house, so his action plan was to ignore them for the moment. He was going to entertain himself by writing another paper as Dr. F. Roy Dean Schlippe, and needed a psychology book. Lobsang flung himself down on the couch to hide his embarrassment and then bad temper, but Tawny stood stock-still. It had suddenly occurred to her that she wouldn't be taking lessons from Butler if she was picked. She'd be taking lessons from Butler _and_ living in a manor, with Artemis Fowl Senior& Co., a legend in the criminal world, although it seemed he'd gone straight. Hard to imagine such a nice guy as a criminal. He obviously was infatuated with his wife…his wife! Tawny recalled the happy glow that seemed to be continually coming from Angeline, and of course the magazines the boy had been bringing in had mostly been baby magazines-so taking lessons from Butler, living in a manor with _a newborn baby_, a happy couple, the slightly less-than-legendary Juliet Butler, and then a guy who was a not bad-looking, in an Armani-wearing vampire sort of way. Tawny sighed. Not being picked would be crushing, especially if one of the other two was chosen, but really she thought she might actually rather take lessons from the Ko Academy.

Now that she came to think of it, he really _did_ look like a vampire…except for the eyes. Didn't vampires have red eyes? Because this kid's were blue. Way blue. The same shade as his dad's, in fact. Tawny realized first that a) she didn't even believe in vampires, (Tawny believed in nothing supernatural, which was good, because if she did her guidance counselor would have just rolled over and died what with the psychosis causing enough problems already.) and b) the kid hadn't even noticed her absentmindedly staring at him, which was good, but Lobsang had, and was now giving her these _very annoying _mocking looks, which was bad. There was asking for it, and then there was really asking for it.

Artemis tried not to lift his head and glare at the girl across the room. Either she was making it all up, or she had gotten really accustomed to her condition. He rather suspected the former-he knew from Butler that a large part of body guarding was trusting your instincts, but a Level Three psychosis patient couldn't rely on their instincts.  
So she was making it up, presumably for attention. Besides-the condition Level Three _isolated_ psychosis was nonexistent.

Although, theoretically, whatever was happening to him was an undocumented condition, too. He hated the seeming randomness of this memory thing-he disliked orange gelatin, but was fine with every other flavor, even though-this was the astonishing part-_it all tasted the same_. But just looking at the wobbling cuboids of orange gel made him queasy. (A/N Can anybody tell me why he doesn't like orange?) Then there were acorns. Every time he saw one, he bent over and picked it up. And lately, he'd been annoyingly… annoyed when he heard about how Jon Spiro, the famous and shady American industrialist had gotten off on a relatively light sentence and still retained some of his fortune from safety-deposit boxes. (footnote 2) Artemis scowled. He didn't even _know_ Jon Spiro, but it still vaguely ticked him off. Amnesty International , on the other hand, was doing well. Lost in his thoughts, Artemis Fowl curled one hand into a fist. His brain had never let him down before, and it was not about to start now.

Butler finally came in, and cleared his throat. The trainees stood to attention.

"Now, there is just one thing before I pick whichever one of you unlucky little pixies gets to be my new student. You're going to fight Juliet." Juliet grinned. Time for a little recreational wrestling. Terence, who was a wrestling fan, paled visibly. Tawny, who had seen Juliet in action before the girl quit the Academy, tied her hair back, a sure sign that she was getting nervous. Lobsang set his jaw.

Less than an hour later.

"Oooof!" With a thud, Terence landed against the back wall of the Fowl Manor dojo. He was the second to go, and Tawny, who was next, felt like she was going to throw up. Lobsang, who was the most intense of the three, had been defeated in seven minutes 38 seconds, Terence in twelve minutes 14 seconds. (The vampire was timing it on his watch, as Butler had accidentally stepped on the stopwatch. Mr. It's-an-Oxymoron didn't seem happy about having been dragged down here.) Tawny had by now been filled in on the Jade Princess's wrestling stats by Terence and was twice as nervous, but still grimly determined to do her best. As Tawny faced a Juliet who was grinning like the Cheshire Cat, she tried a weak smile of her own. Both girls assumed a martial arts fighting stance.

"Hey Jules, after I get ground to a pulp, will you visit me at the hospital? You know, sign my cast?" 'Jules' grinned.

"Don't worry, pipsqueak, I'm going easy on the three of you."

Butler gave the signal to start. Tawny remained in her stance as Juliet circled her.

_Don't be hasty to attack, unless the Principal's life is at stake, of course. Make your opponent come to you._

Juliet suddenly struck like a cobra. Tawny sidestepped, then smoothly turned around and… all of the sudden, lost her pattern. Artemis and Butler were amazed to see her, without any apparent mental process or calculations, straighten up out of the stance and curl her hands into fists. Juliet was getting ready to strike again when Tawny gave her a Friendly Handshake. (see footnote one) She had just managed to get to the elbow-driving part when Juliet flipped her on her back. Juliet was in the process of putting her in a half-nelson. Tawny managed to get out of there, twisting her arm in the process, and she and Juliet faced each other once again. Tawny considered trying a drop-kick, decided it was too easily countered by someone of Juliet's skill level, and tried it anyways. Juliet dodged, and Tawny landed next to her-but a little off balance. She went back to alley fighting, because the part of Tawny that moved too fast for words knew that if you thought a real fight was like training, you were doomed.

(A/N-this fight scene is over, me having decided that I'd better not push my first fight scene too far. Juliet won, obviously. She won all three matches, the point of the exercise being to see how well the three acolytes performed in combat.)

Artemis stopped his watch. The third fight was over.

1. Let me explain: The Friendly Handshake is a street /alley fighting move, which consists largely of driving your elbow into the opponent's stomach, then bringing your knee up to meet their chin on its way down, gritting your own teeth because of the pain in both knee and ankle, and then drawing your knife and holding it to the opponent's throat before they can scramble up. Except Tawny didn't have a knife, wouldn't have used it if she had, and wouldn't have gotten through airport security anyways.

2. Artemis was able to access the contents of Spiro's bank accounts but unable to access the contents of his various safety-deposit boxes with the Cube. Go reread the EC if you don't believe me.

Longest chappie yet! W00T! Worry not, I shall have another one veeery soon...provided you all review. Because that's just the kind of person I am. Whatever kind that is. Long chappie, yet evil cliffie...I'm so proud of me.


	8. In Which Several LEP Officers are Weirde...

Howdy everyone! Thankyou all for the reviews.

Flyne: Thanks for the review, but no, it would not take just the mention of fairies to trigger memories. I mean, that gold coin Holly gave him would have been very unlikely to trigger any, according to Foaly. You'd thnk that thing would be a given. Didn't know about the nelson, but it just said Juliet was trying to put her in one, not succeeded yet. And Tawny did twist her arm a little getting out of it, so yeah.

froggiesrcool:Welcome to ff.n, and I'm flattered.

lilacpurple: but I still like country music, although sugarcult is cool

firefly12: Don't tell me you're SURPRISED;. she WAS beyond belts by age 10. :-)

Squarecool321: As you wish!

Orlandie: Ur making me blush

Eveee: I'm ignoring Crawdie

Nota Lone :Yum.

ATTENTION ALL READERS: Can you think of a better title 4 my story? I might just go with the one I have, but if you come up with a good one I'll of course give you full credit. Just put it in a review. :-) Thankx! On with the story!

At LEPHQ, Foaly was watching. He was doing a boring, mandatory, one-month checkup on Artemis Fowl. He watched as Fowl ate an apple and yawned. Of all the things the Council could think of to waste his time on… he could see this week's status report in his mind now:

Status Report.

Monday: Got Trouble to promise to prevent Holly from pouring coffee on Dr. Argon's head when I break the news to Holly about Fowl's reversal. (**see footnote 1)**

Tuesday: Broke news to Holly about Fowl's reversal.

Wednesday: Watched Fowl eat apple. Worried about Holly. Thought about status report.

Thursday: Yelled at Trouble for going on topside retrieval, leaving Argon vulnerable. Was informed that Trouble is police officer, had to do his job. Decided not to argue further, as Trouble can be very…logical at times.

Friday: Typed status report.

Obviously, some padding would be needed to avoid severe budget cuts. He'd have to try to work in some technical jargon and the phrase 'leveraged synergy' to make it look like he was doing things. Also, make some strategic omissions to try not to get Holly fired. It was only Wednesday. He didn't know she would try to pour coffee on Argon's head. But other than that, that was pretty much how his week was looking.

Foaly hoped he was just being pessimistic about the upcoming week. But then again, 24-hour access to Lili Frond was putting Holly in such a foul mood lately that Foaly had actually overheard this conversation in the break room between Trouble and a couple of sprites:

"Hey Trouble, my elf, (**see footnote 2) **we're interrogatin' a suspect today, and we need a bad cop." Trouble Kelp had chuckled.

"I'm flattered you think I'm such a good actor. Glad to hel-"

"Oh no, dude, we were wondering if you could hook us up with Holly."

"Yeah, a little shot of angry coffee-fueled crazy Recon babe gets most people's memories working again re-eal fast. So what ya say?" Trouble blinked for a second, then turned thoughtful.

"Well, it's Frond's day off, so Holly should be in a pretty good mood. Tell you what, though- I'll just let her know that she's the 'angry coffee-fueled crazy Recon babe' and we'll see how long it'll take her to change back."

"Whoa, we didn't mean it like that-"

"hey, are you saying it's Frond that's got Short so T. O.'d lately? Frond? What'd she ever do to anybody? Hey Trouble, where you goin'? Frond?"

"-seriously, dude, don't tell her we said that."

Foaly sighed and directed his attention back to the screen.

"So, what is Mrs. Fowl going to name the baby?" This was directed at Juliet, from Tawny. Foaly jumped. Another Fowl? Oh dear. Oh, oh. Oh, D'Arvit! Why had he put off this check-up? He knew who Tawny was-she'd been in the Fowl household for a little over a month now-that had been a shocker, I mean a girl in the Fowl house- but the baby was something new.

" Stephen, after her father, if it's another boy."

"And if it's a little girl?"

"Then we're naming her Holly. I told you yesterday, remember?"

Foaly choked on his carrot. On the surface, Artemis choked on his apple. After a lot of wheezing, Foaly went to send an E-mail, then changed his mind and grabbed the intercom.

"Commander? You'd better get down to the Ops Booth. It's about Artemis Fowl, Julius."

"What? When was this decided?" Artemis was spluttering onscreen.

"Just yesterday." Juliet seemed irritated. "It was your idea. I can't believe you don't remember."

Artemis was about to say more, but he still had a chunk of apple in his windpipe. After hearing that it was Artemis's idea, of all people, Foaly nearly fell out of his chair, and started choking all over again. He hoped Root wouldn't have to give him CPR. Maybe the Beet would do the truly merciful thing and let him choke to death instead. Yeah, he definitely would. No worries then. He could choke in peace.

Tawny pounded Artemis on the back.

"What? Why don't we give her the middle name Juli-" Artemis hesitated for the barest fraction of a second and finished "-et and be done with it?" Juliet whacked him upside the head. "What's weird about Juliet? And for that matter, what's weird about Holly? And furthermore, you should know better, Artemis."

Artemis rubbed his head. He'd been meaning to say Julius, but his conscious, mind-wiped mind had gotten in the way. The part of him that had odd reactions to acorns had immediately raised objections to the name Holly and had noted that they might as well give the baby Commander Julius Root's name while they were at it, but the thought hadn't made it out intact, being twisted instead to Juliet. Now Artemis had no idea why he'd said it, the real Juliet was ticked off and Tawny was considering giving him the Heimlich.

"What? My idea? All I said was, did we know anyone named Holly."

"Yes, and your mother thought is was such a nice name she picked it. Plus," Juliet added, "She thought you might have been subtly suggesting the name you wanted and they want to make you feel included and not like they're having Holly to replace you."

"They're not replacing me, and **we're not naming her Holly, **but that's the way Dr. Po said I would feel. Wasn't it?" Artemis trailed off. He realized he didn't have any specific objections to the name Holly, but he would analyze his nonspecific objections thoroughly. Back underground, Root was berating Foaly. Not only had the centaur referred to him as Julius over the intercom, but he had also called him out of an important meeting to discuss the naming of Artemis Fowl's baby sister.

"Look, any Fowl is bad news, but just because the kid choked on his food, you think it means he's slowly recalling everything."

"I never said that, but you have to admit it's significant." Root paused.

"Could he be slowly recalling everything?"

"I told you, it's impossible. That's just not how the process works."

One Week Later

Foaly sighed and stretched. He wished Holly was here to share a carrot with. Root had decided to have her go on belowground missions for a little while in an effort to keep things quiet, so today she was policing an illegal tunnel to Disneyland with Trouble Kelp. (**see footnote three**) Commander Julius Root wanted Holly to not cause anything for awhile after the unofficial C Cube mission, so he was sending her on a straightforward duty: keeping fairies away from where Artemis Fowl's family was vacationing. Actually, he wanted her to not cause any fuss ever again in her career, ever, but Root understood the difference between reality and dreams. All of the sudden, there was a banging on the door, and Foaly buzzed in Holly, with Trouble following her like a worried mother hen. Holly looked angry, tired and-slightly guilty? Foaly sat up. He must be imagining things.

"What happened?" Holly opened her mouth, and shut her mouth, and said the two words that generally preceded mass panic, law breakage, rule bending, desire to retire, and also the immediate cranking up of Root's complexion a few notches. The two words Foaly really, really didn't want to hear. No, not 'rogue troll' or even 'caffeine shortage'. Holly opened her mouth and said two of the most feared words in the LEP: "Artemis Fowl."

Followed by: "D'Arviting D'Arvit Mud Boy # mind wipes D'Arvit stupid # never going to learn" Foaly jumped out of his special, extra-spinny swivel chair.

(A/N …Because what good is a swivel chair if you can't spin around really fast?)

"Oh, oh _Frond_, he's got his memories back hasn't he…but I did a check-up last week Holly, I swear. He was fine, he was getting set to leave for that European trip with his parents. Oh, gods how did he beat my wipe…and your mesmer?" Trouble looked at the two of them.

"Artemis Fowl? So that was him…" Holly turned to the Retrieval captain.

"Trouble, why don't you go give the report to Commander Root? And no, Foaly, he hasn't got him memories back." Even though Holly finished her sentence there, Foaly mentally added a 'yet' to the end of it. Trouble gave Holly a look saying that he was not going to leave Holly alone in her stressed state of mind. Trouble was, after all, Holly's best friend along with Foaly. Captain Short collapsed into a chair with a sigh, and Trouble began to recount their tale.

"So Holly and I are down there, sitting in the illegal tunnel right at the opening to the surface. She's hooking up the detonators to collapse it, and I'm running scans to detect any fairies nearby. All of the sudden, as soon as we're done, we hear footsteps. Coming along the tunnel." At this point, Holly took over. "As soon as Trouble and I got our shields up, a Mud Girl came around the corner. She was in pajamas and bare feet. I saw her first, and got this weird almost-flash of recognition. I couldn't remember where I'd seen her before. Two seconds later, she was gone. Didn't even look at us, though of course we were just two shimmers. We couldn't let her head the way she was- we had to mind-wipe her, so she wouldn't come down here again and maybe run into a fairy." Foaly finished jacking Holly's helmet into a computer outlet, and hit play. He skipped the footage ahead to the Mud Girl and froze it. He knew that face. He'd spent a long time analyzing it, for another stupid report. Holly inhaled sharply. "It's that Mud Girl-the one that moved into Fowl Manor-Tansy? Tally?"

"Tawny." Foaly clicked 'play'. Tawny ran out of sight. Both Holly and Trouble ran after her, but didn't catch up with her until she stopped moving. That was odd. The Mud Maid might have longer legs, but Holly and Trouble were both in top physical condition. He voiced this aloud. Holly nodded. "I noticed that too…but the reason she was running-let's just say it would be like trying to catch Butler." Trouble got a whole new sense of what they'd been trying to do- he had a healthy respect for Butler's abilities. "So we round the corner…" Foaly hit play again, and they watched the drama unfold. The Mud Girl walked up on a group of French security guards, who were oblivious to her for a very good reason: they were talking, handguns drawn, to an Irish boy of about thirteen years with the Mona Lisa tucked neatly under his arm. Tawny walked up to the first one and twisted his arm around behind him, then knocked him senseless. The second one got a Friendly Handshake. As the third one gatherd his wits enough to fend off a Matrix drop-kick, his gun went off as it fell. Tawny went down clutching her arm, leaving Artemis free to Taser the guy, a calmly intense look on his face. Foaly gasped, and turned to Holly and Trouble, ready to.sympathize, i.e. listen to Holly rant. Holly looked over at him.

"Oh no. We haven't reached the really disturbing part." Trouble nodded:

"Play the footage, Foaly, because otherwise I'm personally not going to believe what I saw." The helmet-cam's recording rolled again. Tawny was talking in a hoarse voice from the ground. Artemis was kneeling next to her, the all-to-familiar emotionless expression on his face, examining her arm. Blood was seeping from her upper arm.

"...And if you ever leave to go do something criminal again, you'd better have someone with you, because I can't sleep knowing that somebody might get shot, or something, and you almost did, and what are you doing?" Even hurt, Tawny was not about to let Artemis get away with this one. Artemis sighed.

"The bullet went straight through your arm.. You're lucky-it's hasn't hit a major vein, and I think the muscle tears will heal."

"How are you going to stop the bleeding?"

"My fingers. I suggest you stop breaking my concentration. Perhaps pray agaisnt infection. And never, eer follow me again. I've been a criminal for a while, Tawny. I know what I'm doing." For the next minute or so, Artemis kept his head bent over Tawny's forearm, prodding, pinching, and squeezing. Pretty soon his trouser leg was bloodstained, although he had managed to more or less stopped the flow. Tawny squeezed her eyes shut, tears leaking out between them. The view changed as the helmet's wearer, Trouble, turned to look at Holly, then back again.

Tawny looked around the room, and her eyes settled right on the fairies. Even though she obviously couldn't be seeing them, her eyes swept over both officers, hen started boring into the camera. It was like she was staring directly at Foaly. She didn't take her eyes off the helmet-camp -except once, when she was apparently staring at Holly's.

**That **was the disturbing part. Just afterwards, Professor J. Argon came it, demnding to see the footage as he was the leading psychologist on the Fowl case. Trouble practically dragged a startled and loudly complaining Holly out into the hallway, and away from any possible coffee mugs.

A/N Oh WAHOO what a long chappie go me go me ok naptime

.FOOTNOTES:

1. Remember? Argon and the Psych Brotherhood said that even though Artemis would forget the People who had caused him to become (more or less,) a good guy, he wouldn't change back on account of other positive influences. (ARRGH! Read the books, people!) They happened to be wrong. Wa-a-ay wrong. Holly will likely be unhappy, as her part in the switch back will weigh on her conscience. Add in Frond-induced stress, and that coffee is an accident waiting to happen. To someone's head.

2. Fairy equivalent of "Hey Dave, my man."

3. _"The earth's crust is riddled with illegal tunnels, and it is impossible to police them all_."-from the book Artemis Fowl (or possibly Artemis Fowl: The Artic Incident. I'm not really sure.)


	9. In Which We Meet Jen

AAAUUUUGGGHHH! FIFTY-ONE REVIEWS! FIFTY ONE! OMG I LOVE YOU GUYS SOOOOOOO MUCH! LOLLIPOPS FOR ALL!

Thanks To Lilacpurple, who was my obliging beta reader for this chapter. Thanx 4 your suggestions!

Disclaimer: I own diddly.

_Jennifer Amadeus Spiro was a very short girl with shiny black hair that was generally in a ponytail. Okay, always in a ponytail. She wore hooded sweatshirts and jeans. She wanted to be an engineer, lawyer or activist when she grew up. She was adopted and didn't particularly care. Oh, and when she was three years old, she had loved to eat dirt. _

_It was really very odd, like a comfort thing. She stopped after a few talks with her parents, but then in fourth grade, she'd gotten a rep for the most daring bug-eater around, till her mother had had another quiet talk with her. Eventually she stopped eating dirt, but when she hit puberty it started all over again. Jennifer had always been interested in rocks, minerals, and gardening, but more and more had been getting the urge to cram in a handful of rich soil when nobody was looking, chew, swallow, and go 'Mmmm…yummy." Jen, as she normally went, was a bright girl, even unusually so, definitely bright enough to know that that was not normal. She also knew that this dirt-eating…thing she had was at least partially responsible for her…affinity with everything that came from under the ground, and that it wasn't hurting anyone. The affinity was the less weird part of the dirt eating thing. Basically, she was interested in rocks, and dirt, and minerals, and gold. And gems. And gold…it was so shiny. _

_Jen was big on jewelry, but even a lump of ordinary quartz was enough to make her stop and stare. Anything shiny. _(A/N Shiny things are really, really distracting to dwarfs. Go read the Files! And while you're at it, go read the first chapter of the Opal Deception online. Because it's AWSOME!)

_Jennifer Amadeus Spiro didn't know it, didn't have a clue about the fairy race at all, but she was the product of a most unusual thing-the marriage of a female dwarf and a human. Unusual, and forbidden. Jen's mother, Ariana Digger, had had a fiery temper, and refused to give up her secret marriage to Roy Digger. This was because she loved him and because, as she argued with the Council of Atlantis, the big bump in her stomach (Jen) needed a mom. The Atlantean Council respected that, but unfortunately for Ariana, agreed that it could not go on. For the sake of the child, and because Ariana scared them just a little bit (that much devotion for a Mud Man?) the Council reached a hard decision. The children of human and fairies typically leaned toward one parent or the other. There were always anomalies things in either genetic code that got scrambled, another reason such unions were forbidden. Not outright mutations, but things that would make the offspring…different in either race. If the child was dwarfen, like his or her mother, then Ariana would live aboveground with Roy to raise it, forever banished. (Not that she would have cared about that, being pretty disgusted with the fairy legal system at this point.) However, though her eyes (and teeth) were her mother's, Jen was born a whopping five pounds, eight ounces (that was a tricky delivery for a fairy). Some dwarfish qualities, but definitely a human. Even though there were no abnormalities from the fairy genome visible at birth, she could not live among the People. _

_Some stories have happy endings. Not Ariana's and Roy's. The Council refused to let Jen live among the People. Roy had to be mind wiped. (Ariana had to be physically restrained) Little Jen would provoke residual memories, so a loving adoptive family was found. (The People are not barbarians. They personally sought one out and did thorough background checks-no orphanages) That family? Chris and Avva Spiro. Jen Spiro grew older in a little town in Alabama, entered her teens, and eventually her father decided to hopefully change this dirt-eating problem she'd been telling them about _(A/N No, the Spiros were not told about the People on adopting Jen.) _by allowing her to do something she'd always dreamed about: attend a top-notch international school. Maybe a change of scenery would be good for her, although the Spiros loved Jen just the way she was. _

_Time for a little family history. Chris and Jon Spiro had been business partners, and Chris had made a substantial amount of money, until Jon's amoral business practices had led to a huge fight. Chris was a good guy, and he was not going to be a part of anything illegal happening at Fission Chips, but he flat-out refused to help the authorities get his brother behind bars. Family was family, after all. He just wanted to be left alone to raise his own new family, as he persistently told Chicago's district attorney right before he moved down South. As the years went by, though, he'd been feeling more guilty about the fight. So, when Jon had called up, a few months after being released from jail, Chris had been happy to set things straight. Jon had even offered to have Jen stay with him until she went off to school. He didn't have much company anymore, and Chicago was a lot closer to O'Hare International Airport, which Jen would have to use to get to the Academy. Chris and Avva had deliberated long and hard about this. Avva thought he was just using Jen to improve his public image. Harboring a cute (Jen's rather small stature meant that she was forever destined to be 'cute') little teenage girl would make some members of the media go 'Awwww, he must not be such a bad guy'. Avva was okay with Chris accepting an apology from Jon, as long as Jon said sorry in Chicago and Chris said 'I forgive you' in Alabama, and they stayed about that far away. Chris was willing to make amends, but still did not completely trust his brother. But they talked it out, and in the end decided that everyone deserved a second chance. After all, it had been a long time. After staying with Jon at the Needle for a few weeks, Chris and Avva reluctantly agreed to have Jen remain there until her new school opened. Jen's new school was called the Lane Academy. Currently enrolled were people like :_

_The children of Interpol officers Mr. and Mrs. Boldaji, Lady Ravensworth of Scotland's son, the founder of GreenPeace's triplets, the curator of the Louvre's daughter, and the son/(daughter? Hard to tell, with a name like 'Artemis') of international business tycoon Artemis Fowl the First. _

_Jon Spiro knew this. Jon Spiro was keeping a very close eye on Artemis Fowl, because although he sometimes wondered if he was losing his mind, if the kid was just a normal kid who couldn't disappear into thin air, such times were infrequent. Jon Spiro had given his word to the kid that he'd get him. And Jon was always reluctant to break his word._

_Not that he said as much to his therapist. _

_So now he was harboring Jen. In an ironic twist, she had gotten Artemis's cell as her room. It was a nice cell, but the first thing she had done was break out the power tools and install a doorknob, and lock. Spiro did her the courtesy of removing both the motion sensor and security cameras. He offered to install a window, as well, but Jen did not really like heights. She'd declined. (A/N Dwarfs really do not like heights. They don't even like jumping too high, according to Mulch) Spiro found that he really didn't mind the kid, all that much. She didn't bother him and was pretty smart. And most importantly, she went to the same school as the (recently transferred) Artemis Fowl._

FOOTNOTES: I was recently informed that putting 'see footnote one' in my stories was getting annoying. That is called 'constructive criticism' and I am going to roll with it because that's the kind of person I am. NOT the kind who…is…twitching…as I write this. So I'm just putting IMPORTANT INFORMATION you need to know in these now.

1. Spiro really does have a brother. Oh, you don't believe me, huh?Read and weep:

**Spiro patted the Cube fondly. "I love this guy. He's like the brother I never had." **

"**I thought you had a brother" said Chips, puzzled, which was not unusual for him.**

"**Okay," said Spiro. "He's like a brother I actually like."-Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code**

The fact that I knew that quote was there without looking it up indicates my level of obsession with these books. Okay, I did have to look it up to get the exact wording. But still…

2. I know nothing about the founder of Greenpeace. To my knowledge he/she does not have triplets, or even twins. He/she might not have kids at all, or might not even be married. He/she could be dead. He/she could be Joe the Amazing Talking Seal, is my point. So if you are the founder of GreenPeace, please do not sue me. I did not mean the seal thing.


	10. Memory Issues

I know it took awhile, guys...but this is a Supremely Long chapter, so I'm assuming all is forgiven. Thanks to all my reviewers, you all get CYBERBROWNIES!

**Froggiesrcoo**l: I'm sorry to say the LEP have no intention of making Artemis good again. As long as he's not after them, they're not going to worry. Obviously people like Holly will be upset, but yeah. It was originally supposed to be just a short thing at the beginning, which is y it's in italics, but evolved into a full chapter.

**Nota Lone**: Glad you liked it!

**Refloc**: I think you're a good writer and I'm glad you reviewed. Read the rest of the story if you've got time, otherwise it can get kinda confusing.

**Eveekitty85**: That was FUNNY! AHAHAHAHAHA!

**lilacpurple**: PBBBTTHHHHH (raspberry. GO RK ANIME!)

**TrisakAminawn**: Thanks for reviewing, I'm glad it wasn't too improbable. Yes, Joe T.A.T.S. is a good friend of mine. And yes, Chris made a lot of $ before he quit the company because of Jon's amoral practices.

TO ALL REVIEWERS/READERS: How'm I doing? Am I spelling Tawny's name right? Is Tawny becoming a Mary-Sue (that is seriously my worst nightmare of all time) LET ME KNOW!

Random Quote of the Day: Multiple exclamation marks: a sure sign of a diseased mind. -Terry Pratchett, _Reaper Man_

Random Quote of the Day #2: Me (to my friend, when discussing her career options): You can't be a bounty hunter AND conquer the world! Make up your MIND!

Disclaimer: Me? Owning any part of AF? Don't make me laugh.

Artemis Fowl was at his new school, and more or less resigned to the fact. Most gifted children considered Lane Academy a haven. Artemis, on the other hand had chosen Lane's because a) it had the least pathetic computer labs (that's not to say they weren't pathetic at all) and most importantly, individual, if tiny dormitories. Tawny had not been happy about going to school either. She wanted to stay at Fowl Manor and learn from Butler. Butler was her sensei. This meant that she had a lot of loyalty for him, which was severely put to the test when he ordered her to listen to Mr. and Mrs. Fowl and go to school. Tawny had quieted down when she saw that nobody was going to stop her from joining every sports team she could, and also when she realized that Artemis was going to need someone to take care of him. At the age of 14, Tawny had subconsciously realized something important. Something Captain Holly Short had also seen as she healed Butler's frozen body: Artemis's little schemes got people into trouble. People he cared about. And smart as the little Mud Boy might be, he didn't know enough to just stop stealing and keep them out of harm.

Tawny was at lacrosse practice now. Artemis was staring at his book but not reading it. He was thinking back a few weeks (A/N all right, Chapter Eight to you lot) to when he'd been using a very convenient network of underground tunnels to steal the Mona Lisa. Unfortunately, the incompetent hired so-called 'master thief' had led security right to the drop point. Tawny had followed him, shown up and kicked the crud out of a few guards, but got shot in the process. The bullet went right through her arm. Artemis's first emotion was: annoyance. That was it. He hadn't asked her to follow him, she'd been acting on her own conscience. Now he had to stop the blood, and she could have been killed. His pants were ruined. He was severely irritated.

But Artemis had been having trouble sleeping recently. A lot of trouble sleeping. Nightmares he couldn't remember nonetheless left him lying awake, staring at the ceiling with tears on his face, unable to get back to sleep. This got Artemis's mind going, and he realized that he hadn't been annoyed while he was helping Tawny. He could hardly believe it, yet closer examination of his memories of that night made it clear: He'd been terrified. He'd been guilty. He'd been angry, yes, -but at himself.

Artemis was appalled when he realized this. He was, after all, a detached, controlled criminal mastermind. A planner of dark deeds. He prided himself on his lack of conscience. It was just one bullet wound. It was the first time he'd gotten anyone he knew hurt on one of his schemes. He barely knew Tawny. Yet inside, emotions had come surging from out of nowhere. Artemis's didn't know it, but his morals had been screaming at him. Tawny had gone down, clutching her arm, and Artemis had felt: annoyed. No, he corrected himself absentmindedly, he just remembered feeling that way.

Wait a minute-

He _remembered_ feeling annoyed! Now that he thought harder about it….Artemis dropped the book and stared into the distance, checking and cross-checking him memory before it slipped away. Tawny had fallen. He had Tasered the officer. He had stopped the bleeding. He had been roiling with guilt. Artemis fought to keep himself from replacing that memory with one of his being indifferent and exasperated. That remorseful, scared, angry him was the real him. He knew it. But why? Why did he feel so bad? And why did the memory keep trying to disappear? Both the ruthless and the guilty parts of Artemis united under a single thought: whatever was messing with his memory was going down. Artemis Fowl II was not used to his brain betraying him. Ever. And he knew one thing for certain: it was not about to start now.

The real reason Artemis was so eaten up about getting Tawny shot when it was really her fault had nothing to do with Tawny at all. Artemis had experienced several sleepless nights over 'shooting' his father in the Arctic, but had been kind of getting over it around the time he made the Cube. And of course, when Butler got killed Artemis took it like a sledgehammer to the stomach. He'd even resolved to go straight and continue with his education when he realized how his schemes affected other people. But then the mind wipe happened. Artemis lost eighteen solid months of psychological growth and was back to his old ways, albeit committing crimes with fewer victims out of respect for his parent's morals. When Tawny got shot, Artemis naturally felt guilty. But for unknown technical reasons, the emotions he would have felt had he still had the other memories-intense guilt, frustration and anger at himself- came on full force. He'd actually scared himself. Then, the # $ mind wipe had kicked in and forced his old personality to start feeling ticked off as opposed to guilt-ridden. But now he could remember feeling very troubled. Artemis got the feeling that somehow…that was what he was _supposed_ to feel.

Days Later….

Artemis Senior checked his watch.

"Tawny?"

"Yessir?"

"Don't call me 'sir.' It's ten o'clock already. Would you go wake up Artemis? I understand you guys like to sleep in, but he's only home for two days before he goes back to school. And we have so much to do today." Timmy smiled at his wife, who was already seven and a half months pregnant and was intending to go shopping today for furniture, maternity clothes, baby clothes, maybe clothes for everybody else in the entire family while they were in the same country as a clothes store… Privately, even though they didn't know each other very well, Artemis Senior thought Tawny had the best chance of stopping the kid from escaping out his window once he found out the day's itinerary.

"Yessir"

"Don't call me…oh, never mind."

Tawny took a deep breath and knocked on his door. Then she pounded. "Artemis? Butler says it's my job to hunt you down if you're missing, me needing 'field practice' at being 'stealthy', or something and…man, I really hope I'm not just talking to a door." She tried the door. It was locked. Tawny was about to give the door a break-down-the-door kick, (you know the one) when it was abruptly opened by Artemis, who was forced to grab her ankle to prevent Tawny from kicking him in the face. Nonetheless, he got knocked down.

"Sorry."  
"It was reinforced, Tawny. I doubt you'd be able to get it down anyways." Artemis took stock of Tawny's biceps, (carefully avoiding looking at her bullet scar). Perhaps she could've. And she was, after all, trained by Butler. And she was…staring over his shoulder with a really weird expression. Artemis turned around and mentally gasped.

A/N Dun dun duuuuuunnn…! I could be evil and do a cliffy, but I won't because I'm just cool that way. Plus I'm kind of on a roll here.

The walls were covered in writing. His own writing. So were an estimated 6 sheets of computer paper. Tiny, miniscule handwriting and careful, meticulous diagrams. Mathematical equations. He walked up to the nearest one and started examining the writing. Tawny meanwhile gave Artemis a studious look. He was wearing the exact same jeans and T-shirt he'd been wearing yesterday. They looked severely rumpled, like he'd slept in them for a few hours. Just a _few_ hours, though- there were shadows under his eyes no amount of makeup would completely fix. Artemis opened his desk drawer. More papers spilled out. All covered in the same precise handwriting. He studied them, then looked up at Tawny.

"Tawny? Could you not mention this to my father? I think I drew these without realizing I was doing it-in a trance, if you will. It appears to be plans for some devices that would…never mind. Anyways, I'd really like to have time to study them and avoid awkward questions." Tawny noticed that he was still maintaining his shell of icy composure. All of a sudden, his voice cracked.

"Please? It is rather important to me." Tawny saw the look in his eye…_he thinks he's going insane_, she realized. _Something bigger than me is going on here. _She knew that feeling- one of dread that your mind was betraying you. (Of course, she was now maintaining a healthy balance between acceptance and caution of her psychosis, according to her therapist.) She nodded slowly, then startled Artemis by reaching out and pointing to a diagram.

"What's that?" Artemis took a closer look at the picture she was pointing at.

"It appears to be a plan for a…some kind of sonic grenade? And that's a microcomputer. This is ridiculous, though…that type of design is impossible by today's standards. I could probably reduce component size if I decreased the energy specs…but that would cut down on efficiency…but also on gamma emissions, which could then…I see…well, theoretically, but obviously practically you'd never find a good enough binder without resorting to Nan technology beyond Earth's developmental schedule…"

"Oookay. You're drawing things in dreams you don't even think are physically possible. Does this happen a lot?" Tawny's voice was the kind of calm voice people use when they don't want to scare off a wild animal. Artemis looked her squarely in the eye.

"I have…memory issues."

Coming Soon: Chapter Eleven: In Which Stuff Happens To People. I don't want to give too much away, obviously. But it is coming very soon. As in, this week. Because I actually know what I want to write beforehand. (Take the date and time, that doesn't happen very often.) We'll be seeing a little more of Holly in it. (You know you missed her.) Sincerely sorry I made y'all wait so long.


	11. In Which Holly Is Emabarassed

Sooooo...Hi! Sorry that I made everybody wait so very long. You can thank lilacpurple for getting the chapter today-she beta'd it in 1 day. True, she didn't hve that many suggestions, but still...ALL HAIL MY REVIEWERS

I got more reviews for this chappie than any other one so far. sniff I really couldn't believe it.

THANX TO ALL MY FAITHFUL REVIEWERS: Like eveekitty85, lilacpurple, Nota Lone, especially TrisakAminawn...what would I do without u guys?

SAME DEAL TO ALL MY NEW REVIEWERS: Like sqarecool321, aperfectattitude, IWuvMyKenshyPoo (we all love him), Pinkexplosion, Dea Lunae (cool pen name), pink-charmed-one (hey to all obsessed people) and BIG thanx for Jeni/Genuis and Lessa3, who reviewed like a million times. Jeni, I'm assuming that 'Genius' was already taken. Speaking of Lessa3, thanks so much for reviewing...you guys should all read her stuff, it's so cool. actually, you should all read each other's stuff, because you're all so awesome. Wait! Before you do that, you should all read MY stuff. :-)

Disclaimer: Own naught, sue not!

Flashback to Ch. 10: "Oookay. You're drawing things in dreams you don't even think are physically possible. Does this happen a lot?" Tawny's voice was the kind of calm voice people use when they don't want to scare off a wild animal. Artemis looked her squarely in the eye.

"I have…memory issues."

(A/N no crap, Artemis. On with the chappie!)

Name: Holly Valentine Angeline Juliet Fowl

Born: 2/14/05

Sex: F

Weight: 5 pounds 6 ounces

Father: Artemis Fowl I

Mother: Angeline Rhenquist Fowl

Sibling/s: Artemis Fowl II

Foaly leaned back from his computer. Well, that was that. Yep. That wa-as that. Yep.

Arrgghhh. He still couldn't believe he was going to this much grief over Fowl's baby sister. He wouldn't have to, if they hadn't D'Arviting named her Holly. Why couldn't it have been a boy? Why why why….

Now he had to give Julius a presentation on her, and he didn't have much other information than what was on her birth certificate. She'd been home for several months now, was growing some hair, spent most of her time making cute noises. Fowl seemed to be developing a special bond with the baby. Foaly ground his teeth. Artemis Fowl acting like a human as opposed to the _funds-gathering robot-like manifestation of fairynapping evil he had once again become _and taking an interest in his baby sister was enough to warrant a psychological investigation. Was it because of her name? Or was he simply taking an interest in the newest member of the family? Foaly thought it was the latter, but under immense Council pressure (you-and-Captain-Short-are-so-fired-if-this-kid-regains-memory kind of pressure), Root had decided to send in an investigation. Since nobody was allowed inside a human dwelling without an invitation, Root had decided to leave organization and orchestration of this impossible task up to Foaly. Typical. Holly, who was the only fairy Foaly's plan could possibly work with, was currently on the surface.

"Tell me again why I'm going in without permission, Foaly."

"Look." Foaly sighed. "You're on extremely shaky legal ground here. The only argument you have is that he invited you in by kidnapping you two years ago and never canceled the invite because he was mind-wiped first. That is not going to hold up in court. However, I've decided to just send you in. If you don't start barfing, it must mean the invite is still legit. Don't worry, this is a Council-backed investigation, so you probably won't be out on tribunal."

"That's it." It was impossible to tell from her voice exactly what Holly was thinking.

"Yes."

"All because he named the baby Holly?"

"There's also Tawny. We need to find out more about her. She's been saying stuff about fairies in her E-mails. Her psychiatrists don't keep their notes on disk, but I think there may be a copy of her file in the house. There is one other odd behavior that Argon doesn't care about, but that I think could be a key part of the whole thing. I find really quite engrossing. You knew him best, Holly…could you shed some light on it? It really is quite unexpected."

"What is it, Foaly?" Foaly was too excited to care about her exasperated tone. "Well, since the baby's been born, the mom has stopped her cravings."

"Yes?"

"So they've got a 2-liter box of Tootsie Roll Pops left in the house."

"A-a-and?"

"Fowl's been eating them almost nonstop." There was silence on the other end. When Holly's voice came through, it sounded at first like she was trying very hard to stop herself from laughing.

"This is serious, Holly. Why would Artemis Fowl, a Mud Boy who seeks vengeance against anyone who treats him like a child, suddenly be addicted to lollipops, of all immature things?" Foaly sounded very irritated. Holly composed herself. When he heard her again, her voice sounded rather distant, like she was thinking about something else. "Artemis has been eating…lollipops?"

"Yeah. And whenever anyone says anything about it, he just puts another one in his mouth and says 'I don't like lollipops.' But I mean, obviously, he has to, he's eating them like Mulch Diggums ate…Like Mulch ate anything that moved."

"He does, does he?"

"Holly, are you even listening?"

"Yeah, that sounds like him. Although really, how will we tell? It's not like we can just ask him. You're right as usual, Foaly." Foaly shook his head. Seemed like the surface pollutants were going to Holly's head. He should have known better than to ask. At least now he knew lollipops were something new for the Mud Boy. Holly could have taken it a bit more seriously, though…Severely miffed, Foaly flicked his tail and maintained a grumpy silence until they reached the Fowl estate.

The nursery was dark when Holly arrived at the window. The last rays of an orange sun were just streaking the sky. Sunset was Holly's favorite time of day, and she could tell that this one had been a beauty. She took a deep breath, and stepped inside. Holly's magic give a brief twang, but only for a second. Then there was nothing. The invitation still stood. Holly released her breath.

The baby's room was certainly luxurious, from the little that could be seen in the fading light. Holly had her night-vision filter on, although fairies did have better night vision than humans, being nocturnal. More importantly, the connecting door was open. She could see the Mud Boy's room, several glowing computer monitors and what looked like a fully dressed Artemis Fowl passed out on the bed. Uh-oh. She'd been counting on him being downstairs with his parents. Holly got on the com-link.

"Psst…Foaly. Why is he upstairs?" Foaly tapped a few computer keys, no doubt reviewing video surveillance footage of Artemis.

"Oh, that's right. He was up until 3 AM working on a project of some kind. He usually works all night…he must have been getting too tired to be sure he'd be precise. That's odd…wait, did you say he had the Mona Lisa when you saw him with Tawny?"

"Yeah. So?"

"So he must have been forging it. Some lucky private collector will be receiving what he thinks is a real Da Vinci soon."

"Why not just sell the original?"

"Sell forgeries and you can sell as many times as you want, provided the buyers don't get wise. He would've had to steal the original, too…that way the black-market buyers will be on the lookout for a deal and he'll be able to make a good copy. He must be painting at odd hours so his parents won't find out, then sleeping when his hands start to shake from fatigue. I have to leave for a second -Julius said to tell him if anything at all unexpected comes up. Standby while I go fill him in on this. He might decide not to proceed if there's a chance Fowl might wake up any second and see his files moving themselves around in midair. Mind you don't wake the baby. "

"Foaly?" He was gone. Holly snorted. "Mind you don't wake the baby," indeed.

Holly hesitated. The baby WAS named for her, after all…it wouldn't hurt to have a look at her namesake, especially if she was shielded while she did it. Just had to make sure Foaly didn't catch her. He might be understanding, but Holly had worked hard to gain a reputation at work as not the kind of female who went all 'oooohhhh kitchy cooo' around new babies. It had helped that her colleagues had never seen her around a baby; since fairies could only produce one every 20 years, they were not all that common a sight in Haven.

It did NOT help that Holly had the changeling gene. Both the sprite and Elvin races are predisposed to love and protect babies of all races fiercely. In the days of Frond, when humans and fairies had swapped favors, an elf could occasionally be persuaded to baby-sit. An angry female elf would hunt any kidnappers to the end of the earth while taking care of a child, a useful trait in any baby-sitter. However, sometimes they were unwilling to give the baby back, or would show up to watch the baby without being asked if they were busy Friday night. Many a fairy had been hauled up in front of Emperor Frond for baby-snatching. A young sprite or elf would get so fed up with their own infant's squalling that they would sneak around to a Mud dwelling and…well, switch the babies. The Fronds had tried to cut down on this by making it a high crime punishable by imperial action, but all that meant was that the fairy monarchs spent a lot more time listening to court cases. Eventually it was shown to be both a magical and genetic predisposition, now referred to as the 'changeling gene'. The fairies just could not control themselves. Fairies didn't hang around Mud Babies that much any more, and anyways, 'baby mania' was so last millennium. It lived on, however, in ancient Celtic myths about human tots who were switched with fairy babes, the stories about _changelings_.

Unfortunately for Holly Short, Lili Frond, and any other female sprite or elf trying to have a career, it also lived on in the form of workplace sexism. The fairy feminist movement was trying _very hard _to counteract that image, however.

Captain Holly Short was not thinking about all this as she hovered near the ceiling over Holly Valentine Fowl's crib. Holly sucked her thumb peacefully in the darkness and let out a little sigh. Holly hovered a little lower until she was right over the crib. (A/N, Okay, maybe I'm being deliberately confusing. I'll stop.) The baby let out a soft gurgle.

Holly became vaguely aware that she had shut off her shield. Also that there was a noise like a buzzing beetle in her ear.

"Holly? Holly, what are you doing? You've turned off your shield-Fowl could walk in any second and see you-are you even listening to me, Holly? Holly?" Foaly was getting slightly panicky. Holly shook her head vigorously. The noise wouldn't go away. Well, there was only one way to deal with that. Captain Short dreamily unhooked her helmet and let it drop on the floor, where it and the buzzing promptly rolled under a desk. She didn't have time for noises. There was a baby here. She wondered idly if it was hungry. She bent down even closer for a better look at the little darling. Her copy of the Book slipped out from under her jumpsuit and hung just above the baby. The golden chain, Book, and acorn capsule glinted in the dying sun. Sure, the acorn capsule was heresy. But the Artic had taught her that you never knew.

Several very important things happened all at once. First, Foaly came tearing around the corner with Julius Root in tow. Once he'd realized that, impossible as it may seem, Holly was experiencing infantile obsessive mania, (as it was dubbed by the Psych Brotherhood,) he'd immediately concluded that the only way to snap her out of it was to find the strongest stimulus he could in hopes of causing a reaction that was even more deeply rooted in Holly than the changeling gene. Second, Holly Junior was awoken by the thump of a helmet rolling out of sight, opened her eyes and gave a happy coo at the sight of the creature hovering above her. The fact that there was a creature hovering above her didn't startle the baby unduly. When you're a baby, your entire life is bigger people hovering over you. The littlest Fowl saw the shiny, dangly, and most importantly, _gold_ thing that was hanging from the neck of the person and, fulfilling the tradition of all Fowls, reached up to grab it. The third thing that happened was that Root, once being given a garbled picture of what was going on, grabbed the mike to Holly's secondary com-link (a plain old earpiece that wasn't attached to her helmet,) and gave her his favorite stimulus.

"**_SHORT! _**HOLLY! GET YOUR SHIELD BACK ON OR GET READY TO TURN IN YOUR BADGE, WHICH YOU MIGHT QUITE POSSIBLY BE DOING ANYWAYS!"

There were no capital letters that could possibly do justice to the loudness of that shout. It echoed around the room from the com-set. Some part of it made a connection in Holly's brain.

"Ahhhh!" She clapped her hands to her ears in agony, jerking back as confusion filled her brain. Below her, Little Holly had heard Root, too. "Ort?"

A loud barking filled the room. A dog? When had they gotten a dog? Baby Holly, unwilling to give up her prize, tightened her little fist instinctively as Holly tried to fly upward. Two of the links in the back gave way, and Fowl was left holding the chain. The Book, which hung from it, combusted as the small human touched it without permission. Meanwhile, Captain Short's sudden yell and the dog's bark had startled the baby, and she began to cry. Short buzzed up her shield and retrieved her helmet, and just _barely_ stopped the changeling gene from giving Root a career-ending scolding for making her wake up the baby.

The light flicked on. Artemis Fowl Junior was tired, grumpy, and rumpled. He flicked on the light and made his way over to his sister's crib. Ignoring the dog, who was calming down substantially now that the alpha was here, he went over to the baby's cot. Voices rose indistinctly from downstairs, he paused to listen, then called down.

"Don't put your leg on, Father-I'm taking care of it." Footsteps pounded along the corridor anyways and the door burst open. A teenage girl was standing there. The dog went into a frenzy at the sight of her, jumping up and down, licking her face and barking hysterically. Holly's gift of tongues automatically translated for her. _The older one did nothing_, the big dog was saying to Tawny. _But the creature is still there. I can smell it. Can you tell the leader where it has gone? It was bothering the new one, the small one. Why can he not smell it? Why can he not hear it? It is breathing over there. _

"Down, boy," said Tawny halfheartedly. This produced no visible effect.

"C'mon, Wolf, get-Artemis? Little help?"

"Down, boy. DOWN, WOLF. DOWN. SIT." Wolf whimpered at the stern tones in his master's voice and tucked his tail between his legs. Artemis resumed talking to the sobbing infant in a quiet voice.

"Hey, Valentine. Hey, Vally. What's the matter, girl? It's OK. It's OK." Holly Fowl stretched her arms up.

"ehh. EHHHH"

"You want to come up? Okay, here we go-" He gently lifted the tot from her bassinet. "Foaly? Why is he being all nice to the baby?"

"I AM STILL HERE, SHORT."

"Oh, Commander…"

"Don't you 'Oh, Commander' me. Holly, I picked you for this job because you're not the kind of person who does the baby thing, and-"

"I'd guess it's because Fowl knows that talking like that will calm the baby down, Holly," Foaly butted in.

"CIVILIAN, DID I ASK YOU TO JOIN THIS CONVERSATION? IF YOU DON'T WANT YOUR BUDGET SLASHED SO FAR THAT-" Artemis angled his head like he was trying to make out something he couldn't hear very well.

"_Please_, Commander, Fowl is trying to hear you." Root shut up. Artemis turned his head to look at the heat haze on the ceiling. His eyes lost focus. Holly was getting extremely nervous as Public Mind Wiped Enemy Number One stared at her as if he could penetrate her shield. Tawny meanwhile noticed Artemis was looking at the thing she was trying really hard _not_ to look at.

"Ummm….Artemis? Whatcha looking at? And do you _always_ sleep in your clothes?"

"Hmmm?" Artemis looked like someone trying very hard to recall a dream. Then he shook his head vigorously and replaced his sister in her cot. Somehthing glittered in her chubby hand. Artemis looked at her, distracted.

"What have you got there, Vally?" He worked on tugging the glittering golden chain from her grasp, talking to Tawny as he did so.

"Nothing, Tawny. Nothing. It's gone now, anyways. What woke her up? Do you know?"

"Don't see anything weird around here but the fairy. And that's normal for me, anyways." Artemis spun around. "You see a fairy? Here?"

"Yeah."

"Where?"

"Right there. You were staring right at it a minute ago." Holly gasped.

"What medication are you-" Fowl finally freed (A/N hey, that's alliteration!) the necklace from his sister's unwilling hand, to a plainative "Ort!" Artemis didn't hear her. Studying the fairy-wrought jewelry, he raised his head. "Tawny, did you lose a-" Tawny was gone. Artemis shrugged. She did tend to become antsy whenever one of her delusions was around.

"Ehh…EHHH!" Holly's little hands were outstretched towards the necklace Artemis still held. Sighing, he put her back in the cradle, then looped the chain securely over her baby mobile. Tawny was back.

"Sorry. Your dad wanted to know what was going on. No, I did not. And they've temporarily taken me off medication to see if it makes a difference. And your mom says why won't you call the baby Holly." Artemis was studying the little pendant.

"There's an acorn in here…I don't call her Holly because I don't want to. I did not intend for my parents to actually name the baby Holy, and calling her 'Vally' is enough like that so she won't suffer an identity crisis." He turned it over and over in his hands, the gold slipping from his fingers like a waterfall. Holly Valentine watched it, entranced.

" Snow? I'm getting something about snow. Wait…no…" He sighed. "It's gone, too. Well well, two flashes in one night. I can't leave this here-she'll choke on it. It's probably Mother's, besides. Although why she'd wear an acorn around her neck, I have no idea." He gave the baby a fuzzy block to hold instead of the necklace. She banged it against the bars as Tawny and Artemis left the room, Tawny dragging an unhappy Wolf with her.

"ORT!" Artemis's head jerked around. "What was that?" He asked, temporarily forgetting he was talking to a baby.

"ORT." Holly pointed at the gold chain. "Ort?" Artemis and Tawny looked at each other.

"What do you think she's trying to say?"

"Give me the necklace you idiot, or possible she just likes the word 'ort'"

"Holly's first word is 'Short'…HOLLY"S first WORD is SHORT..." Artemis was staring out the window absentmindedly. Tawny waited politely for a few seconds, then poked him.

"Couldn't you leave it here for one night?" Artemis looped it around the baby mobile again.

"I suppose so."

Holly waited until the baby was asleep, then grabbed her necklace and hauled wing out of Fowl Manor at a speed slightly above what she was cleared for, still rattled about the incident. As she left, she shuddered. Nothing involving a Fowl could ever be simple. Good thing they'd mind wiped him…wasn't it?

FOOTNOTES:

1. Holly's fav time of day IS sunset. The fairies DO have the ability to talk to dogs. The Book DOES combust when a human touches it woithout fairy permission. The stuff about changelings IS a legend, tho I made up the 'changeling gene' stuff up. Also made up the night vision stuff. All else can be backed up with evdence from the books. Now you know the TRUE level of my obsession.

2. Holly Fowl could have been born 2006, or 2007, or WHATEVER. I can see people admiring my brilliant…brilliance a year from now, which is why I'm putting this in. Anyway, it never specifies which year AF takes place in in the books.

3. Not reviewing is like stealing from the author. You have been warned.


	12. Reflections

Disclaimer: Own naught, sue not!

Hi Matthew, if you're reading this!

EXPLANATION: I understand that the first time I posted this it was a little unclear, so I fixed things and posted it again. Just for you reader-people...don't you feel special?  
Extra thanks to The CheezHead, who so graciously and in-a-not-mean-way pointed out the problem with my story, (namely 11 chapters and no visible plot.) I'm glad you like Tawny-she's a rather special creation and I'm thrilled to pieces that nobody thinks she's a Mary-Sue. I promise I have a plot, though…just bear with me. Oh, and I love all you other guys, too…Genuis, Lilacpurple, Nota Lone…  
So, yeah, umm…Ch. 13 shall soon be here! Unless of course it isn't! In which case, oh well! No seriously, I will write it… **I will. **Oh, and I was so disappointed- not that many reviews for this chappie! I guess you can't have it all…  
Shout out to **Genuis**- that little story- "The Seventh Dwarf"-that contradicts everything? It actually takes place between the first book and the Artic Incident, which is why he knows about the fairies but daddy isn't back yet. I think it says that somewhere in the beginning…

Oh, and I've decided to include a new feature…Sponsored Artemis Fowl Fan Art of the Week. I cannot draw, never have, never will, but I can definitely appreciate this talent in others. So today's link is an excellent one, all dialogue from the Opal Deception, found it on somebody else's profile. This drawing is EXCELLENT, sorry if it takes awhile to load for some of you. AGAIN: I did not draw it.Stupid ff.n won'tlet me put in the link on this chappie, so just go to my profile, scroll to the bottom, and it's the first link. There you go. All the links I'll be sponsoring for a few weeks are also on my profile, if you want to see them beforeI post them here. If you have good fanart, put it in a review and I'll sponsor it. Important: They're all Artemis Fowl. Ye gods, I'm obsessive. Here's the chappie!

Tawny looked in the mirror at her school-uniformed reflection and sighed. Well, she thought, I am having, probably certifiably, the weirdest adolescence of all time. I spend most of my time with an actual Butler, who actually turns out to be a crazy old guy who apparently gets some kind of enjoyment from making me run laps, do push-ups and practice my Cos Ta'pa at four in the morning. I am being made to take _cheerleading, _of all things, to learn how to move in a skirt case I ever get attacked by an assassin while I'm wearing one. Periodically, Butler has his little sister, who is a wrestler, pop out from behind suits of armor and attack me to keep me on my toes. As for kids my own age, I hang out with and, occasionally prevent the death of, a guy who terrorizes waitresses, steals paintings of fairies, builds computers, and who, yes, I caught staring at the crack in his basement floor for who knows how long last night, trying to apparently remember something he'd forgotten. This guy has also incidentally ticked off several Mob bosses/dangerous businessmen, but considers the gym teachers his greatest foes. That and direct sunlight. I strongly suspect he is part vampire. Artemis…now there was a guy who was impossible to fathom. The school doesn't know what to do with him. He paints to the extent that he can forge masterpieces to sell, analyses literature better than the English teacher, got caught correcting the questions on the math and science exams, wrote some of the stuff the guidance counselor reads, and when his laptop gets taken away, installs software programs on his cell phone. So they pick the things he doesn't do and make him do them. He speaks Russian, so they're making him take Japanese. He doesn't play music, so now they have the star violinist, Jennifer Spiro, teach him how to do that. He's not into P.E, but no luck on that front so far besides Coach Matthew making him do push-ups every time Artemis uses a word with more than four syllables. Coach Matthew is now revered among the faculty as a god. The constant efforts by psychiatrists to get inside Artemis's head only irritate him. But he can get inside yours in a second. Just by talking to someone for ten minutes, Artemis Fowl knows exactly what made them tick and pretty soon is playing them like a piano. He probably knows more about me than I do, thought Tawny. He might know what's wrong with me…why I see the things I do. The fairies. Somehow, she could never bring herself to ask what Artemis thought. She didn't want to know. What if he thought she was completely insane? You are completely insane, she reminded herself.  
_Visual schizophrenia. Relatively harmless phenomena, but complexity indicates level-three psychosis which may manifest in other ways at any time. Psychiatrists have declared you relatively safe, but legally, if anyone complains, you can and likely will be involuntarily institutionalized. _Artemis didn't treat her like she was nuts-after all, he grudgingly permitted her to come with him on his little 'excursions'- but then again, nobody could tell what Artemis was thinking. Not even his parents, because they'd never let him steal the way he does. Tawny adjusted her school skirt as she thought about other ways her life had changed.

When I'm not with klepto-boy, my other best friend is the short kid of an American ex-industrialist. Jen wanders around with her Ipod or CD player permanently attached to her ear, singing along with it, commenting on how earthworms are a good source of protein and trying to get Artemis enthused about being forced to play an instrument, and also being oblivious to how much he doesn't want to. Although, like Japanese, he is picking it up pretty fast. Not that he's happy about it. Apparently at St. Bartleby's the teachers were smart enough to leave him alone, (which is why his parents switched schools on him) and he doesn't appreciate the fact the he is the subject of two-hour staff meetings at Lane's. Artemis prefers it when teachers feel that their place is as far away from him as possi- All of the sudden, Artemis appeared next to her and shook her by the shoulder.

"Tawny? We're going to be late. I have called you several times." Tawny nodded. _Should I ask? Do I want to know? Come on…if anybody knows what's wrong with you, it's this guy. _She opened her mouth. It stayed open.

"Artemis…"

"Yes?" Tawny seemed to be a great way off, looking at something else. He cleared his throat.

"Yes, Tawny?" Tawny snapped to attention.

"You weren't staring at the crack in the concrete room today, were you?" A smile twitched Artemis's lips.

"No, _Mother_. I did not. Now come on, we're going to be late." Tawny did not smile back. _Coward, _she chided herself. _Maybe, _she replied. _But Artemis is one of the few people that knows about what you have and doesn't treat you as a basket case. Now be a good girl and stop talking to yourself. Butler may decide to give you a pop quiz today and you need to be completely focused. _

"You weren't staring at the crack in the concrete room today, were you?" Artemis smiled a little, but inside did not see anything funny. These little lapses were really starting to interfere with things. Yesterday he'd been marking an accent on his sheet of music and had wound up drawing improved plans for the microcomputer all over it. Jen, his violin tutor, had been understanding and in possession of an eraser, so that hadn't been too bad. But he was always afraid that it would happen at a critical moment. What if he had been babysitting Holly when he had stood there staring at the crack for **two hours**? What if he became distracted by a heat haze while he was stealing and got somebody hurt? _The solution to that is simple_, he thought. _Simply ask Tawny to stop accompanying you. Or if necessary, perform illegal maneuvers when she cannot possibly follow you. _Easier said than done. Tawny could always tell. And anyways, he sort of liked having her around. Although she blatantly refused to help him with the actual crimes, any attempt to cause harm to Artemis was taken personally. Artemis did not have any clue as to why, but good bodyguards are hard to find, and Butler was getting on. She was nothing on Butler and doubtless never would be, but what she lacked in experience Tawny made up for in intensity. And people like that are always useful.

The blog of Jennifer Amadeus Spiro

**Howdy,Mom'n'dad! This is your daughter, here to update her blog as promised so you know what your little darling's getting herself into. Don't worry, Mommy- I made it so only freinds and family can get on here, so no wierdos will be finding out where your baby goes to school. **

**Anyways, no wild parties yet, still holding out hopes. (I'm kidding, I'm kidding-!) When are you guys coming down for a visit, things are soooooo awesome here at Lane's, every time I find something new I make a note that I have to show you it. Anyways, in this week's news, I actually made the cheerleading squad (hey, somebody has to be top of the pyramid) and even made friends with this other girl. Her name is Tawny and she's only cheering to help her with some martial arts course she's taking, but whatever, she's cool, even if she does hate the uniform. I don't like it much either, so I asked her if she wanted to help me get something done about the skirt, but she muttered something about the skirt being the only reason she was doing it…maybe she's only taking cheerleading because her mother never made the squad and is now living through her daughter? I've been watching too many sappy mother-daughter movies again…anyways, Tawny doesn't talk about her parents a lot, I think she's staying with someone else's family.**

**I also got on the Science Team, and joined the Karate Club. Lane Academy RULES at pretty much everything. The orchestra teacher here is so nice-he let me use a practice room alone for a full week to work on my solo. I'm also tutoring this kid named Artemis Fowl on the violin, which the school is making him take because, well, he does everything else. He's definitely not used to being actually taught by someone his own age, but whatevs. **

**Turns out he knows Tawny, which was a bit of a surprise. I mean, they're so different. She's joined practically every sport, while he doesn't do sports or anything else. But they seem to know each other really well. Then one of the guidance counselors cam running up to talk to Tawny 'privately'. I didn't want to ask, so I didn't, but get this-it wasn't just the guidance counselor, it was the school psychiatrist, who only gets involved in the really serious stuff. He handed her this pill bottle, and I got the impression he was trying to be discreet, but then Artemis got up and when he saw what it was, he totally flipped. Turns out the stuff was lithium. You know, for people with bipolar disorder, and then Fowl started arguing with the counselor about how it was 'the most utterly ridiculous, incompetent, shot-in-the-dark diagnoses he'd ever-'. I'd go on but it gets kind of mean. I thought I had a pretty decent vocab-you have to, to get in here- and I'm way into science, but I only got about 40 percent of what he was saying. Lots of big words. J I was seriously taken aback because I mean, yeah, I knew he was smart (I researched the Fowls on the internet) but he was using words you only find in psych journals. I was talking about this with Matt Boldaji, whose parents work for Interpol, and he said that apparently, they're a really big criminal family. I saw Fowl's parents on Parent's Night (I understand you guys couldn't be here, but thanks to Uncle Jon for coming -really, it meant a lot.) and anyways, they seemed nice. This kid is the problem-active file, customs surveillance wherever he goes, you name it. There are no less than 37 Interpol officers retiring on Artemis's eighteenth birthday. I didn't get all this from Matt as he has 2 B confidential about his parent's work, I got it from a little sniffing around the Interpol site-yes, I know how much you guys hate hacking. Anyways, he's been mostly civil to me, and actually doesn't seem like a conniving mastermind at all-kind of the opposite, a little dreamy. He started sketching this microcomputer on his sheet music yesterday.**

Jon Spiro read that entry of his niece's blog over and over again. Amazing. It was like the Fowl kid was mocking him on purpose. More amazing still, it seemed like Jenny was making friends with the kid while teaching him violin. Well, Artemis wouldn't be learning scales for long. Jon Spiro was watching. And Jon Spiro had just had a brilliant idea. Spiro gripped his new cane a little tighter. Fowl was going to pay. He was going to pay for every dollar, every hour of community service, every minute that Jon had had to spend in the company of state parole officers after his arrest and psychiatrists after his nervous breakdown. He dialed his out-of-date cell phone. Payback began now.

The principal of Lane Elementary, a rather large woman known as Elanora Frout, picked up her telephone.

"Sorry to bother you at such an odd time, Mrs. Frout, but I have recently received some rather disturbing news about one of your students…"

FOOTNOTES:

1. Yes, yes I know, absolutely EVIL cliffy, yes I feel rather evil today. MUAH HAH HAH HAH AHA!

2. Lithium actually is a bipolar medicine-I looked it up.

3.Jen puts her blog on her Web site. No, it does not actually exist. She's into science/technology, just not at the same level as Artemis, so I figured a website is something she'd probably have set up by now.

4. Just to be a-a-absolutely CERTAIN- everybody knows what I'm talking about when I say 'the crack in the concrete floor', right? RIGHT?


	13. Memories, lava and almost tears

Ahem. AAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH!AAAAAUUUGGGHHHH!AAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHH!AAAAAAAAA!

101 REVIEWS! ONE HUNDRED AND ONE! OVER ONE. HUNDRED BONZA (I don't know what it means either) REVYOOOOOOOOS!

AUGH!AUGH!AUGH!AUGH!

Okay, so, deep breaths now…

Thank you all so much! I never dreamed "The Luck of the Irish" would be remotely this successful. The List O' Reviewers I'm Thanking (all of you) is at the end of the chappie. Speaking of which…IT'S MY 100+ REVIEWS CELEBRATION CHAPPIE! And I fully expect you to keep on going. I worked on this thing for WEEKS and had lilacpurple beta it TWICE, so its like 11 pages long and I feel it makes up for the wait. YOU ALL BETTER READ IT! For this chapter I'm assuming that you've all read the story The Seventh Dwarf, by Eoin Colfer. I'm also assuming that you all know Prozac is an antidepressant.

This is actually Version 3.0 of this chapter, TrisakAminawn having pointed out a mistake I made in relation to the books in the first posting. Specifically, I assumed Arty had not been to Russia prior to when he went with the LEP. It was just a tiny error, but it bugged me anyways. I also had a things I wanted to add to make it better, so I made the changes and reposted the text.

Disclaimers ( I have 3 today):  
1. Eoin Colfer owns the books, and all characters except Tawny, Jen and any other inadvertent OC's.  
2. The thing about Artemis doing push-ups whenever he uses a word that is too big is, I'm afraid, not entirely mine. A swim coach does the same thing to an overarticulate student in the book 'Whale Talk'.  
3. I don't know if anybody has ever read the book 'Cut'-by Patricia Stimpson? I think that's her name- but it's about this girl in a mental home called Sea Pines. The story's about her and her problems, but when I needed a mental institution to use in this chapter, I decided to borrow from that book. I guess you could consider it a crossover, but it's a pretty minor one. I'm moving Sea Pines to Ireland to suit my fiendish purposes, and I'll be borrowing Callie and perhaps Ruby, that nurse. That's about it. If you haven't read 'Cut', don't worry. You won't be behind at all. If you have read it, you get to giggle and feel smugly superior.

Artemis Fowl's fingers were a blur over his computer keyboard. Darkness pressed in aboveground. That's right-Artemis had found yet another tunnel that he could use to steal from a nearby museum. He keyed in the sequence that would keep the loop running on the museum cameras while he examined his prize. Good. Now that that was done-something wet pressed against his leg. He looked down. Wolf wagged his tail ferociously and let loose a series of booming barks. A tired Tawny appeared at the end of the tunnel. Tired and angry.  
"ARTEMIS.- _Good Wolfie good boy you found Artemis for Tawny here's a cookie wogga wogga_.-WHAT do you THINK you are DOING!" Artemis's expression remained mild, but he was rather surprised at having been caught out stealing after dark. Tawny had been worked extra-hard today, and she slept like the dead. Next time he'd probably have to resort to putting something in her food. He would have done it tonight, but the thought of what his father's face would look like if he knew his son had drugged an innocent girl had been more than he could bear. Tawny spoke heatedly, but underneath it there was a weariness, a sadness that Artemis was too often beginning to see in his father's face whenever the son talked about money. It made him wince. Tawny misread the look on Artemis's face.  
"Look, you little kleptomaniac, I happen to check on you, OK? Because the more I doubt you'll be stealing anything today, the more certain you are to be doing it, so I set my alarm for one and make sure you're not gone. Because if you're gone without Butler then sure as night follows day you're going to get yourself killed. You've just got to underst-" Tawny saw for the millionth time a blank look on Artemis's face that showed he did not believe a word she was saying. She sighed mentally, then looked at his hand. Artemis was a little too slow to hide what he was holding, and Tawny caught sight of a sparkle. "What's that you've got there?" The Irish genius hesitated a moment, then held out a tiara. Tawny took it, and was momentarily blinded by the beam of an ordinary little pocket flashlight that Artemis clicked on. He shone it on the coronet. To say that the tiara glittered would be a massive understatement. The Fei Fei tiara captures the light and lets it out in a million shimmering fragments like dust motes or infinitesimal butterflies, radiating brilliance and almost an aura. Well, except for the massive blue stone in the middle which merely sparkled in an oily way.

"What's wrong with that one?" asked Tawny, pointing. Artemis sat down.

"It's not real. It's a clever fake." He pulled out a gold necklace and shone the beam on it, and it identical stone glowed. Tawny stepped a little closer, entranced.

"Hey, that's-"

"My mother's necklace," said Artemis, watching the blue diamond twist on it's chain. "That diamond came from this tiara. I stole it before. But I don't remember stealing it." Tawny continued to watch the blue stone spin. It was really a beautiful shade of blue. Almost the same as-what was it-it was reminding her of something-

"At least," sighed Artemis, voicing the thing that had been tormenting for a few weeks now, "not yesterday I didn't."_ Not until I really thought about it did I remember stealing this tiara,_ he added to himself. He still had the nagging feeling that there had been a police officer involved. But there _hadn't_ been, he thought, scanning his memory for the umpteenth time.

Artemis was beginning to distrust his memory, feeling that it held far too many convenient answers for things that had happened to him and Butler. He was also beginning to suspect he was going crazy.

Two Weeks Later…

"Now, listen, Tawny" Butler's gravelly bass voice rang out through the entrance hall "and you might find what I'm saying is of interest to you. Here's today's assignment." Tawny listened attentively. "The floor is lava," said Butler simply. Tawny looked blank, then remembered that looking blank didn't work anymore. Butler did not believe in helping people with answers. And the day she didn't understand something he was teaching her was the day she stopped being a bodyguard.  
"The floor," Tawny appeared to be thoroughly digesting his words, "is lava." Butler gave an affirmative grunt, volunteering no more information. Just then Artemis walked by, bent double as he pursued a crawling baby. Scooping up Holly and straightening up, he turned to Tawny in a matter-of-fact way and informed her, "Your feet are burning." Then he blinked, as she was gone, jumping high in the air. Tawny had finally figured out what she was supposed to be doing-that is, getting off the floor. Landing on a suit of armor, she was rewarded with Butler's face finally relaxing into an almost-smile. "Good," he grunted, "but you were too slow, and also, don't get cocky. See if you can keep off the ground for the rest of the day. And Artemis, don't help her." Artemis blinked in surprise at being given an order. "She won't always have a genius around to tell her what to do," Butler continued. As he left the entry hall, chuckling at their expressions, he heard a groan behind him. "I can't use the floor all afternoon?"

"And evening," he called back over his shoulder. "Remember, no touching the ground at all. And no getting help. Or at least, no letting me catch you. You have to be able to use anything to your advantage in a fight-walls, ceiling, or things hanging from them. You've got to start considering the floor as the traditional option, not the only one, because you can't count on your opponents doing the same. Also in the course of your work, it might become necessary to avoid land mines or pressure pads. From now on, the floor is an option. When I say it is not, it is not." He turned and exited the room. Tawny was left looking helplessly at Artemis from her perch. "Don't get footprints on the kitchen counter," he said absentmindedly, burping Holly. "Mother will be very displeased."  
"Ooogle buggle haga baba ORT" Holly gurgled to herself in a happy sort of way.

Artemis left Tawny standing on a coffee table and walked down the hall with his sister tucked in his arm, unwrapping a Tootsie Roll Pop and inserting it in his mouth as he went. Passing the study, something made him stop. The networked Macs idled. He could remember…he could remember a time when they had been whirring, though…all of them.

Artemis stayed completely still in an effort to let the flash play it's course, rather than fading as they usually did under too much scrutiny. He was getting to the bottom of this. The ghosts of memories swirled around him, fighting to be let loose as…there were voices in his head. His own, but he sounded younger…less of the deeper voice he was developing. Around twelve or thirteen then, perhaps?

_"Shut them all down, except the Book. I need quiet for this."_

He sounded tired. And as he thought that, he felt it…the weariness of working for hours on a project but also the slow thrill that he had beaten it and was onto the next step.

"_All of them?"_ Butler's voice, from a long time ago…he sounded surprised. Why? What ramifications would turning off all the computers have? His twelve-year-old self wasn't saying anything much, but wait…

"_Yes. All of them."_

The flashback ended there. Anyone else would have found the three lines of dialogue meaningless, but Artemis stood in that room for a long time thereafter, feeling a sudden sense of loss he didn't understand. Why would shutting off the computers create a problem? But he felt as though part of him had fallen off into a deep abyss when he spoke those words. Artemis didn't know that the part of him had come back later on, but as he hugged his little sister tight, he found himself subconsciously hoping that it had. This is ridiculous, he thought abruptly. If it did come back, I'd know, wouldn't I? While we're on the subject, what under the earth am I thinking about? Just a little too late, the mind wipe kicked in, and erased the sensation of hurt as well as the phrase 'under the Earth'. Of course there wasn't anything. Just his mind running away with him again. Losing part of his soul…honestly! It was almost laughable. He really would have to start getting these lapses under control. The sooner, the better.

(A/N OK. Explanations for everybody who is completely clueless about that last little thing. That memory is from the first book, right after Arty had deciphered the Booke of the People and was getting ready to plot. He told Butler to shut down all the computers. One of them had been running the CNN site for almost a year, as Artemis was convinced at that time that any news of his father's rescue would be first reported on that site. Turning them all off meant letting go of his father, which would normally be good, except a) Daddy's not dead and b) he's turning off the computers to he can best figure out how to exploit the fairies. In short: Things are getting worse in the private battle between Arty's subconscious and the wipe, as evidenced by the pathetically weak trigger that brought back such a key memory.)

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The Next Day…

"Whatcha doing?"

"Watching Artemis." Jen settled herself next to Tawny on a picnic table on the Lane Academy campus, and turned to see the figures in Lane Academy gym uniforms doing archery in the distance.

"That's not Artemis."

"How many other vampires do we know?"

"Come on…That guy is using a recurve bow. No way Artemis is strong enough for a recurve."

"Yeah he is. Coach Matthews makes him do push-ups every time he uses a word with more than four syllables, and Coach Tesla makes him do one for each syllable of each word that she doesn't understand. He's racking up close to fifty or sixty a week. Got a really good score on his push-up test last month. Almost a school record or something."

"Seriously?" Jen looked disbelieving for a minute, then positively cackled. Tawny continued on in her head. _And I know he can aim well, because Butler's going to have him teach me how to shoot._ She couldn't talk about being taught to shoot a gun around Jen, though-that sort of thing tended to make people nervous. Knowing Jen, however, finding out that Tawny was training to be a bodyguard would most likely elicit a response of 'Cool. Can you teach me some stuff?' Jen was interested in _everything. _

"I can't figure out why he never, ever talks about it, though."

Jen wiped her eyes. "Guys like Artemis never like to admit that any teacher anywhere has ever come close to getting them to do something they didn't want to do." Suddenly, she stopped laughing.

"Wait…" Tawny slurped a protein shake and noticed Jen's look.

"What?"

"His name…"

"What about-"

"It's _Artemis_. Archery?" The slurping stopped. "Oh. That. Um…To tell you the truth, I don't think he pays attention in gym. At all. His mind's somewhere else completely…I doubt if he's even noticed he's gotten 19 bull-eyes in the last 22 shots." Jen whistled slowly.

"Coach Matthews has, though." The gym teacher was talking to Artemis. Artemis started shaking his head. "Bet you anything he's trying to get Artemis on the archery team. Ours is…mediocre at best." The tall, slim figure of Artemis Fowl was arguing more forcefully now, shaking his head and using his hands. Tawny finished her shake. "Any minute now." The gym teacher pointed at the ground. Artemis had used a word that was too long. The tiny shape of the Fowl heir got down and did five push-ups, continuing to argue as he did so. He was then ordered more by several whistle blasts.

About half an hour and countless push-ups later, the grumpy school-uniformed Artemis came and sat at the table. Tawny let him stew, then cleared her throat.

"Hey."

Artemis said nothing.

"So, um…you did pretty good out there. 22 bull's-eyes out of 25 shots. And you didn't even miss the target or anything on the other 3."

"Yes. I'm afraid I will be staying after school today. Mr. Matthews has asked me to for information on the archery team."

"They can't force you to join a team, Artemis."

"No, but he can call my parents and recommend it. Then they will doubtless make me, and I'd really rather be spared the drama at home. If I can get out of it I certainly will." Artemis looked up, what could almost be called a wry smile but which looked a lot more like a grimace twisting his mouth. "My name is Artemis. I am constantly having to explain it. I'd rather not make it worse by being good at archery."

"There's nothing wrong with that."

"It's a matter of principle, Tawny."

Later that day

Mulch Diggums, a.k.a. Murray Clay, Postal Service Official, hummed as he drove the mail van recklessly along the back country roads of Ireland, flattening several bushes and causing lasting psychological harm to a couple of innocent bunny rabbits. Mulch was not ordinarily the nine-to-five working-stiff type, but this was just a temporary arrangement. And pride over the sheer brilliant simplicity of his plan was also improving his good mood. Mulch had gotten away scot-free over a technicality that he strongly suspected Artemis had orchestrated, then decided not to wait a few years to give the disk back to Artemis and resume their criminal partnership. He doubted he could go straight for that long, and if he got caught for anything else, the medallion would be of no use to Artemis rotting in Haven Penitentiary. Not medallion, though-a primitive human laser disk. Long hours of scrutiny in jail had finally revealed the trinket for what it really was: a trigger that would set off the Mud Boy's total recall. But how to get it to him? Nobody in the Fowl family was going to trust him when he said he just wanted to talk to Junior for a minute. A mystery envelope, that was the way to go. The Mud boy was like Foaly- never able to resist a puzzle. Sooner or later, he'd read the disk and remember Mulch. To make sure his precious CD didn't get lost in the mail, Mulch had gotten an actual job at the Mud Man postal service. The horror. However, this was too big to trust to a ghastly, inefficient, risky Mud Man innovation. Way, way, way too big, both for Artemis's memories and Mulch's criminal career. Mulch realized that sacrifices would have to be made, and surely Artemis would recompense him for all his suffering.

Mulch pulled up in front of the house. The last time he'd been here, it was twilight. The house was even more impressive in the daytime. Frankie, the old postman whose route he'd taken for the day, had told him that 'a kid who needs to get some sun more than once in a blue moon' came out every day at 4:56 to get the mail. Mulch got out the letters for the manor and also a bulky one addressed very specifically to Artemis Fowl, Junior. It might raise some questions from his parents, but Mulch was prepared to let Genius Boy deal with that on his own. Mulch checked his watch after ten minutes. 5:00. Hmm. No Artemis.

"I'll take those."

"Ahh!" Mulch jumped, barely stopped himself from making another embarrassing scream when he saw the Mud Girl hanging out of a tree over his head, looking at him owlishly. She was dressed oddly , even for a Mud Maid- black tank top, no shoes (presumably to grip the tree better), and olive-drab cargo pants.

"Look, you're going to have to hand them to me. I can't come down."

Mulch continued to stare. She was in a tree. They WERE descended from monkeys, after all, but…? Tawny caught the look.

"It's kind of hard to explain why I can't touch the ground. Look, mister, Artemis is still at school, and the mail has been delegated to me for today." Tawny made a swipe at the envelopes in Mulch's hands. Mulch jerked them away from her.

"It's not for you. It's for the Fowls, and you're not one of them." Mulch winced. He didn't need this girl wondering how he knew so much about the Fowls. Tawny had other things on her brain, though: namely, all the blood in her body and several pain signals from her arms, which were tiring of holding her up. She sighed, blew her hair out of her face, and considered telling Postman Pat that her deranged bodyguarding sensei had docked her floor privileges for the day-_again_. Realizing there was no way in a million years he'd believe her, she shifted position on the tree branch and told him anyways. Well, she left out the part about her being taught to body guard, making it seem like Butler was just teaching her martial arts.

Mulch wasn't listening to her somewhat long-winded explanation at all whatsoever. This kid must belong to one of the servants, which meant that it would get to Artemis one way or another.

"So the crazy old guy hath decreed that the floor is _lava_ for today, **again**, if you can believe that, so _now _I have to- "

"Whatever, Miss Mud Monkey, just give these to the Fowls."

"No problem, Postal Man." Mulch reluctantly handed the letters to the Mud Girl, one by one. One by one, she stuck them in her right pocket. When she got to the _special _envelope, it wouldn't fit, so she put it in her left and zipped it. Mulch was watching.

"Hey hey hey-y, careful with that! I mean," he coughed, remembering that he was just the mailman, "I, uh, take my job seriously. No point going to all the trouble of delivering it if you're just going to break it." He gave her a wide, nervous, insincere smile. As the girl set off for the house via the trees, Mulch calmed himself and set off. Time to go quit his job. Fowl and Diggums would be back together by nightfall.

Inside the house, Tawny settled, cross-legged, on the kitchen table and sorted the mail. Funny mailman. For some reason, he reminded her of Jen. It was probably the smile. Jen gave her dentists fits- went through 'em like Artemis went through guidance counselors. Both Jen and Postman Pat gave the impression of teeth that shouldn't all fit in one mouth, yet inexplicably did. She also ate a lot, Tawny noticed. Jen had come home with Tawny for the day and had proceeded to raid the fridge. Tawny was still awed by the sheer volume of her mouth.

There were voices in the entrance hall. Unfamiliar ones. They had probably walked in through the wide open main door. Tawny was definitely not up to shutting things properly when she had to use her arms to keep her feet off the ground. The people came around the corner. Two men were following a woman. All were wearing suits. Tawny saw it was neither Butler, nor any of the Fowls, and tensed. The lady had a definite no-nonsense look that softened as soon as she saw Tawny seated atop the table.

"Hello, dear. My name is Dr. Miriam Webster." Alarm bells went off in Tawny's head.

"Are you Tawny?" A low scream seemed to be building up at the base of her skull. As Tawny nodded, Jen appeared, coddling the baby. She immediately stopped cooing at it when she looked up. Tawny watched, some part of her fascinated, as Jen's posture improved, her gaze turned flinty, her eyes narrowed and basically her whole demeanor changed at the sight of the intruders.

Jen was not a super genius like some people she knew, but she'd tested very high and could put two and two together. The look on Tawny's face had not been there a minute ago. There were strangers talking to her. She began to approach the adults. Anyone who gave a friend of hers that hunted _look_ in their eye was going down.

"What is the meaning of this? Who are you?" Dr. Webster was all business again.

"We're here to help Tawny. Are you this Artemis she lives with?" The part of Jen that wasn't angry went_: hmm-Doctor Webster. Is this about whatever mental condition Tawny has?_ Tawny had gone white as a sheet.

"No," said Jen, hitching up her ponytail in an angry kind of way, "but I would like to know what right-" Tawny cut in. Her voice was soft and faraway, but everybody went silent. She was staring off into the distance, not really focusing on the people her suddenly ethereal tones were directed at.

"You've come to take me away, haven't you?"

"Oh, don't worry, I'm sure you can come back home in no time." Dr. Webster's voice was bright and cheery, but inside Tawny's head the screaming voice had moved from the back of the head to the front and was building to a crescendo.

"Someone complained? Who…who would do that?"

"I'm sorry, but that's confidential. Just, one parent feels that your condition needs a little more treatment, and the school board agrees. We'll just nip you off to Sea Pines, and come back and settle things with…the Fowls, is it?" Tawny was staring at the floor and blinking furiously. The doctor was about to repeat her question when the blinking stopped. Tawny raised her head.

"Fine," she said, in a much more together voice. "Jen, come help me pack," she said abruptly as the smaller girl opened her mouth to inquire as to what the flying ring-tailed lemurs they were all talking about.

Tawny walked to and fro inside her room in very distracted way. Jen was sitting, openmouthed, next to the empty suitcase on the bed.

"Soo...you've got this condition, visual schizophrenia and Level Three isolated psychosis."

"Yes, said Tawny, tossing a pair of baggy jeans haphazardly into the suitcase. Jen took them out and folded them, then put them back in.

"And technically, you should be locked u- receiving full-time care."

"That's right." Tawny was walking oddly. In went several plain T-shirts, thrown from across the room. Jen took them out and folded them neatly, then put them back in.

"but they've decided you're stable enough to be let out. But the law says that people with your level **have** to be in. So they get around that by letting you out, and making you carry the certificate everywhere-"

"Yeah, and it's a bit of a drag trying to get accepted into schools, let me tell you-"

"-and now they can put you back in because of why, exactly? What's their bizarre reasoning? Their jumbled up, glued-together tangle of fabricated jargon? Their way lame excuse?" Jen was getting kind of worked up. Tawny sat down hard on the bed and let out a long breath.

"Look. They have to promise people that if anybody at all complains about their kid going to school with someone who is so nuts she's actually supposed to be in an institution, and enough of the school board agrees with them, then I have to go right into a full-time place and the government pretends like I've been there for years. And someone's finally complained. I don't know how-I really don't know how-" Tawny ran her fingers through her hair. Jen stared blankly at a T-shirt.

"-Artemis himself took a look at the medical records security system, and it's not like I've done anything less normal than go to Guidance instead of study hall every day-"

Jen felt that now was perhaps not the best time to ask for specifics about Tawny's disease, despite maddening curiosity.

"Hey," she said suddenly, throwing an arm around Tawny's shoulders, "don't worry. It won't be that bad. Now, you're going to finish packing and start folding stuff before you put it in. And you're going to go downstairs, and put on a happy face for Ms. Webster. And be cheerful and engaging, and they'll declare you stable and let you out again. Meanwhile," said Jen, straightening up, "I'll have a look-hack and see if there's no way we can get around the law. There usually is. I know some legal counsels for big corporations. _And_ I've got a weekend permit to go off-campus for special trips signed by Uncle Jon himself, and you know Artemis will show up to yell at your doctors every day. It'll go by fast." She was struck by an alarming thought. "Oh, boy. I don't want to be around when they break this to Artemis." Jen was startled by a laugh. Tawny had broken into a real smile. "I do. You're right, Jen. It's nothing to worry about." The rest of the packing went by in a less subdued way.

Tawny put her stuff on the bed and chewed her lip, something she hadn't done in years. The other-guests- were OK. And that nurse, Ruby was nice, and so was the volunteer-Callie- who'd shown her to her room. Tawny looked at her suitcase without really seeing it. A mental home. They had finally got her.

She could hear the voice of a doctor from a long time ago. About six years ago, to be exact, and the doctor was talking to a little eight-year-old girl, named Tawny, who saw things that her mommy and daddy couldn't.

"Now, Tawny," that first doctor was saying, "the results of your test weren't exactly what we wanted. But the good news is, I'll be seeing a lot more of my favorite little patient! Mrs. Rathmussen, could I speak to you outside for a minute? It's about your daughter's condition."

The little girl had then found some candy on the doctor's desk, looked at the little person soaring across the Parisian evening sky and wondered exactly how many more visits she was going to have to make. She had grown up to be a big girl who'd tried as hard as she could to avoid this for so many years. The older Tawny was finally doing something she loved, had finally found a school where the principal had made a point of telling her on the first day that she was on Tawny's side in all this. The older Tawny who was suddenly in a nightmare she was fighting like a harpooned whale sat on a plain blue bed at Sea Pines Mental Institute and blinked hard.

_Do not cry. You do not cry. Cry for a broken arm, a broken heart, a smashed rib. Do not cry for things like this. Crying is what you do when you can't handle things. You can handle it. You can handle it. Just don't cry. Crying is not what we do. Fight or surrender with grace, but do not cry._

After five more minutes and some loud sniffs, she looked down at her clothes. When she wasn't at school, Tawny was always in training with Butler. So since coming to Fowl Manor, she'd always worn the same outfit. A black tank top so she wouldn't get overheated, boy's canvas pants in case Butler took her on a forced march somewhere with thorns that would scratch up her legs, and boots. These clothes were unnecessary, not part of her world now. Wearing them would only prolong the misery and inhibit adjustment to her new situation. Tawny slowly pulled on a pair of cutoff shorts (A/N not Daisy Dukes!) and a big navy blue T-shirt. Even more slowly, she folded her training outfit and put it on a high shelf. She sat on the bed again, hard, and waited for the tears to try and come. They didn't. She sighed and rolled over. The hard, stopped-up feeling instead of tears showed that Tawny Rathmussen was now officially accepting her new status as a psych-warder.

Artemis Fowl walked in the open door of the entry hall.

"Hello?"

"Over here." Artemis turned and spotted his violin tutor, but what stopped him dead was the stricken look on her face. He dropped his bow and backpack on the floor.

"Jen? What's the matter?" Jen, despite the cheerful face she had put on for Tawny three-quarters of an hour earlier, got ready to tell him news that was not cheerful. Not at all. In Jen's opinion, it was end-of-the world, Spanish Inquisition, here-comes-the-Hindenburg news.

She took a deep breath.

"Now don't hit the roof, Artemis…"

Jen was truly amazed at how many angry-sounding and downright unnervingly menacing phrases Artemis had picked up when he'd been taking Japanese for only a semester or so. Also, she never knew he spoke Russian, but apparently he could yell quite fluently in that, too. Not that she thought it was actually cursing, Artemis was definitely better able to express himself without resorting to that. But he did _not_ sound happy. Half an hour in his room seemed to calm him down sufficiently. Jen estimated that 5 minutes had been spent actually regaining control, and the remaining time had been spent thinking and shooting arrows into the door frame in an introspective sort of way. Jen was raiding the fridge yet again when Artemis came downstairs. He had changed fully into an Armani suit and was heading purposefully out the door. Butler emerged from the living room-well, one of the living rooms. He was taking the news of his first student being sent to a mental institution pretty well. Jen saw the way he walked at Artemis's shoulder and realized: _Duh, Jenny. He's a bodyguard, not a teacher. Butler's first concern is for Master Artemis._

"Where are we going?" Butler headed for the garage. Artemis looked at his watch as he walked. Jen ran to keep up.

"Where are we going?" Artemis turned around, and Jen finally got what Tawny meant when she talked about _the vampire smile_.

"Sea Pines Mental Institution, of course. We're going to visit a sick friend."

At Sea Pines, Artemis fumed. Psycho-idiots. Glorified advice columnists. Puffed-up degree-framers. He would have called them misguided do-gooders as well, but Artemis Fowl II did not reuse insults. (_A/N "misguided do-gooders with degrees..." -see book 2, when Arty is having hissession with Dr. Po at the beginning)_Still, the sheer arrogance of it-! These people had analyzed Tawny's file for years and had never been able to see why she wasn't getting better? He expected a certain level of incompetence, but putting her on Prozac? _Prozac_? He snapped her file shut.

"If she becomes depressed after arriving, it will be because you have locked her in a mental institution. It's a textbook example of Arba's conundrum, for Haven's sake-the cure causing the disease. If she gets depressed, you are definitely not doing her any good. The obvious -nay, only solution is to release her. I want to see whoever wrote this's medical degree, the imbecilic quack."

"I-I didn't prescribe those pills," stammered an extremely unfortunate young man. Pride stopped him from adding, _I'm just an intern_.

"We-we can't let her go, so if she gets depressed while she's here, th-that's what we have to do."

Artemis ignored him, walked over to a cabinet and began flipping through files.

"T-that's classified information-"

"Really? I don't think it is."

"I-it's the law-" Artemis made a scoffing noise.

"Yeah, whatever." The intern was suddenly annoyed at the audacity of this young man. He went and got his teacher, the head psychologist, a sleek arrogant man with a pointed gray beard. The intern was greatly pleased to see the boy stare at his Gucci loafers, mutter 'Nothing,' and turn over all the papers when Dr. Stroud inquired as to the problem. Artemis had already palmed what he wanted-the doctor's keys and the intern's security badge. They might come in handy. He could easily hack into Tawny's files with a computer if he wanted them. Jen poked her head out of Room 208 and stared at the retreating figures of the doctor and the intern.

"Everything OK out here?" Artemis pocketed the keys and straightened his tie.

"Why, Jennifer, why would I want to cause any trouble?" Jen grimaced, and Artemis smiled to himself for a moment, then was all business again.

"Ready to go?" Jen shook her head and stepped into the hallway, motioning Artemis through the door.

"She wants to talk to you alone." Fowl frowned.

"I've already spoken with Tawny." Jen shrugged. Artemis walked in. Tawny was staring with her arms crossed, looking out the window at the sunset. He went and stood next to her.

"Tawny? Visiting hours will soon be over, and Jen and I will shortly be dispatched by some well-meaning imbecile if we remain. Is there anything else you wish to discuss?" Tawny shook her head. Artemis walked to the door.

"I'll let you know how the Monet turns out…" He turned to go. The was a noise like a whisper of silk behind him. Tawny had crossed the room so fast she appeared to blur. Artemis's eyes widened in shock as she jerked him close by his tie, until their faces were less than three inches apart.

"_That's_ what I wanted to tell you," she whispered fiercely. "I knew I'd forgotten something. Artemis, I have told you this time and time again, and time and time again you have ignored me. You have got to stop stealing. You are going to get yourself killed, or put your family in mortal danger. What about Holly? Don't you want to live to harass her prom date? You have to promise me, now, that you're not doing anything unless Butler or Juliet is right there with you." Artemis hesitated for a minute, then nodded. Tawny jerked him even closer. She was in danger of asphyxiating him with his own tie. "Promise me!" Artemis found words.

"I promise." Tawny stared into his eyes for a few more seconds, then let him go.

Outside room 208, Artemis rearranged his necktie and took a gasping breath. Setting off with a more purposeful stride, he began going over for his plans to steal a Monet. Without Butler, of course-the both of them leaving the house would make his father very suspicious.

He couldn't be expected to keep that promise. Tawny was clearly agitated, and there had always been the danger that she would get violent. Artemis almost managed to completely ignore the voice in his head. The one that was going: _Get real! _

_As if Tawny would do that to you unless she really thought it was important. She is right- you're not going to get hurt one of these days. Remember Paris? Remember Russia? You're a genius, boy-not invincible!_

Artemis stopped dead. What about Russia?

_Hmmm? Nothing. Russia? You've never had a close call htere, unless you count that thing with the checkpoint official..._

Artemis took off his tie altogether and massaged his neck. Of course.

Inside her room, Tawny frowned. She had warned Artemis not to steal, and she was pretty sure he'd lied to her. It was in the eyes. You looked into those eyes, and you could see the truth in them. You could not see a lie, but Tawny knew what it looked like when Artemis was telling her the truth. At least, she thought she did. Staring into Artemis's eyes for too long generally gave her vertigo. A few months ago, the lie would've hurt, but Tawny was different for her stay at Fowl Manor, and expected it. She should have, anyway. Tawny collapsed in her chair.

It still hurt some. She told herself to stop feeling it. If everything she did was going to be analyzed from now on, it was time to stop wearing her heart on her sleeves, so to speak. To stop feeling and sharing so much, so they wouldn't know so much. Tawny was atypical for a teenage girl, not least because she wanted to be a bodyguard. And there was always a chance 'atypical' would be mistaken for 'disorder'. Better let them treat her schizophrenia and be done with it. She got busy typing an E-mail to Jen. If she had to ask Jen Spiro make sure Arty wasn't sneaking out of the dorm at night, then that was what she was going to do. Jen was slightly bored during downtime at Lane's-always looking for a challenge, that girl. The task of finding a way to spy on Artemis would most likely be welcomed. Tawny sent the mail, then leaned back in her chair. She still had the feeling she'd forgotten something. But what? But what?

On the highest shelf in the cupboard of Sea Pines Room 208, a pair of olive-drab canvas pants gathered dust. Safely zippered inside the left pocket was an envelope, containg what looked like a medallion but was actually adisk. Under its gold dust coating, written in Artemis Fowl Junior's neat handwriting, were the words 'READ ME'. Under its gold dust coating was a world of Artemis Fowl's memories that Mulch Diggums was just beginning to suspect had never completed the final leg of their journey from Haven Penitentiary to Fowl Manor.

Tawny shook her head, unable to remeber whatever it was she'd forgotten. Nah, she was probably just being paranoid.

1. "…Spanish Inquisition, here-comes-the-Hindenburg news."- I luuuuurrrrve that phrase-it's from the first book.

2. Yes, Tawny's last name, Rathmussen, is revealed. Pronounce it RATH-mew-sen. No, Artemis does not know what it is. Tawny's been using this bizarre logic that if he already knows her first name, she's just going to keep her last name a secret. I might even change her last name in future chapters to suit my aforementioned fiendish whims! MUAH HA HA!

3. Tawny is not French. I know it says she was in Paris when she was first diagnosed. She was there just to see that doctor. Not that there's anything wrong with the French. I mean, Butler likes it in Paris, so By Law it can't be bad.

4. Just to clear this up: they have not actually put Tawny on Prozac. However, if being in a crazy house gets her all depressed, they can't let her out so that's the contingency plan.

5. The name 'Arba's Conundrum' is completely fabricated by me.

OK, well, you know that I have 101 reviews. But I'm not letting it go to my head. Instead of an author, though, I would prefer that you call me **_the _**author, thereby declaring your utter disregard of Those Poor People Who Are Not Me. Either that or call me A.U.T.H.O.R., which stands for Awesome Unbelievably Talented Hysterical Original Riter (writer).

Hah hah! I'm just kidding. I'd be nothing without you people, the true A.U.T.H.O.Rs. So, thanks (in the order that you reviewed) to:

PeanutButterII, ArtyChick, cyberspace, IhateBeetroot, witchintraining, LaBOBuren, Jewelled Wings, Claudia, eeveekitty85,Aniu Blade, PUSS, me, obviously, (No, I am not thanking myself, _me, obviously _is a reviewer) Orlandie, Flyne, Sqarecool321, firefly12, froggiesrcool, crazed-laff, Match Box, refloc, IWuvMyKenshyPoo, PinkExplosion, pink-charmed-one, Dea Lunae, TheCheezHead, cybergurl, just a person, and Oozaru Angel.

SPECIAL THANKS TO: Nota Lone, who reviews a lot , aperfectattitude, who also reviews a lot, TrisakAminawn, who gives really thoughtful reviews (even though I don't always understand them), Lessa3, who reviewed at my humble request because I adore her Artemis Fowl stuff so much, (itsawesomegoreadit) Jeni/Genius, who has been really great even though she only recently discovered this. Also extra-special thanks to lilacpurple, who has reviewed every single chapter, and betad stuff.

Whew! That's every single person who has ever reviewed this story. If I left you off, I beg 4giveness. You are ALL SO AWESOME!

Now, let's not stop at a hundred. Was this chappie

a) the best thing you've ever read?  
b) OK?  
c) crappy?  
d) OOC?

Let me knooooow!

Ciao,  
Silverfingers


	14. She's not the same

Wow...When I did that multiple-choice review thing for my last chapter, I had a) no idea so many people would actually use it, and b) no idea that I'D GET SO MANY CHOICE As! WOOT! Although, to be fair, I only got so many because I didn't put in a choice that was somewhere between 'the best thing you've ever read' and 'OK'. You may notice that there is little evidence of plotwork in this chapter. I assure you, there is. I am simply setting the stage, and all will become clear in due time. Actually, I had a very fuzzy idea of the plot until this morning. Apparently, listening to Good Charlotte helps me think things out. Who knew? Well, I hope you like it, and I'm sorry you had to wait so long. Thanks to lilacpurple, AGAIN, for beta-ing!

Random Quote of the Day: "If it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have any."-saying

Rambling Disclaimer: Artemis is not mine. Is he? I thought I owned Artemis Fowl Wait-no, that's Eoin Colfer. I own Silly Putty-and this story. (Just not the characters, except Jen and Tawny.)

This chapter contains a brief drug refrence. (Nobody's TAKING them-!) Somebody metnions a drug, and that constitutes a 'drug refrence'. Since movie ratings include that, I thought you might like to know, too.

Rita registered a double take when she saw the young man in the expensive suit climbing neatly through the window after visiting hours. She was reaching under the Sea Pines Mental Institute front desk for the security buzzer when she dimly remembered something she'd read. She'd read it today, and she was pretty sure Ruby had written it…

"Excuse me," Artemis turned around and noticed, too late, that neither Ruby nor Carla was at the front desk today. The unfamiliar young woman hesitated for a moment and asked, pointing at his suit, "Is that Armani?"

Artemis nodded, and upon seeing he was not going to be detained, straightened his tie and set off for Tawny's room.

Five minutes after he had gone, Rita was still staring down at the Notebook. Nurses got to know patients, and the computer-printout forms with blood types and disorder names were not always enough to help them do their jobs properly. The Notebook was where the nurses wrote down personal things as they learned them, to help those on the next shift.

_Do not let Brooke Warner make phone calls. Dial the numbers for her in order to make sure she never calls her brother._

_If Susan Hoffman is worried about the aliens call Dr. Dressinger. If it's about the squirrels, she's yanking your chain. _

_Get Adrian Dunlap a chocolate chip cookie whenever she talks about her family, but don't make a big deal out of it. Note: must ALWAYS be chocolate chip. _

The one that had made Rita's finger stop on the buzzer was the one written most recently in Ruby's flowing calligraphy:

_If a fourteen-year-old kid with a vampire smile comes in after visiting hours, you saw nothing. Him and that girl with the teeth are the only things Rathmussen's got at the moment._

She shook her head in disbelief. Rathmussen? _Tawny_ Rathmussen? Tawny was a new patient and had been here for about a month. The first week she was happy, fairly cheerful, did push-ups constantly in her room. The second week they had adjusted her medication and ordered her to _stop exercising so much, darn it! It's not natural! Are you trying to lose weight? _Tawny had kept right on going with exhausting military-style workouts, until they made a 'suspicions of anorexia nervosa due to constant need to exercise' note in her file. Now, after four weeks, she drifted through the facility like a specter. She smiled and was most open around the nurses. The appearance of any doctor wiped her grin away so fast Ruby had to banish all doctors from the two-hundred-foot radius around the nurse's desk when Tawny was there. Ruby was the head nurse, and even the most arrogant grey-goateed doctor was at least five years her junior and was not ready to take her on. To the doctors themselves Tawny was guardedly polite, but Rita had riffle through her file and detected a definite rebellious streak. It was most obvious on the therapists' photocopied "Getting to Know You" sheets.

Next to _Favorite Movie,_ **The Bourne Identity Crisis **was written in what was presumably the girl's square handwriting.

_Favorite TV Show_: **The O.C. : Obsessive-Compulsive**

_Hobbies: _(the handwriting looked slightly shakier now)

**_-_Beating up people I don't know**

**-Beating up people I do know**

**-Being an accomplice to crimes**

**-Doing what the voices in my head tell me**

**-Murdering therapists**

**-Cheerleading**

Yeah, the girl had a sense of humor, and a sarcastic one at that. Rita shook her head. It didn't take much to see that Sea Pines was bringing out the anger in this kid.

Tawny was sleepy. Well, she would be. It was after midnight, after all. She still smiled to see him, but Artemis was surprised to find he was worried about her. Usually Tawny was the one worried about him. But Tawny had been in a mental home for four weeks now, and it was starting to tell. When he'd visited the first week, she'd been keeping her spirits up. Then he hadn't been able to see her for two weeks due to the small matter of making an intern cry and throwing Dr. Stroud into a raging fury with a few sarcastic exchanges of ideas, resulting in expulsion form the premises and deprivation of visiting rights. Although with any other family the hospital would have won, the combination of Artemis Senior reverting to 'charming bulldozer' mode and a glowering Angeline with a baby on her hip, plus their lawyer, was generally enough to make anybody back down. Artemis got his visiting rights back. However, visiting right were for a few hours on weekends. Artemis had things to do on weekends, and Tawny's disorder meant that their conversations were carefully monitored. Artemis had other plans. The nurses knew by now not to bother him (and apparently they were passing it on, as that new nurse had also known better than to mess with him), and the doctors were generally too busy walking around in their own haze of self-importance to be too much trouble avoiding. Late nights were the only times he could get a lift from Butler without his parents noticing. These visits were in general, pretty brief; Artemis took a look at her chart and talked to Tawny for about half an hour to ensure that everything was normal, then left.

Visiting people when they are sleepy, of course, is the optimum time for getting information that is otherwise carefully guarded. Tawny was always at her most honest when she'd just been shaken awake. Now she was pretty alert, however, so even if Artemis had had anything he thought she'd lie about that he wanted to ask her (besides her last name, which she still stubbornly refused to tell him), the moment was gone. He was just getting ready to leave when he noticed a new doctor's signature on her file.

"Tawny? Who's Dr. Litton?" Tawny's sleepy expression suddenly changed to one that suggested she'd been forced to suck a raw lemon.

"Oh. He's in my file, is he?" Scratch that, it was more like the way she regarded an obstacle that was getting in her way.

"He's just my new doctor."…Or like she'd just stepped in something disgusting and now had to scrape it off her shoe…Artemis returned himself to the situation at hand. The abrupt bump down to earth was caused mostly by the shocking fact that there were suddenly hot, angry tears running out of Tawny's eyes, and dripping off her clenched jaw onto the bedspread.

"Tawny! Tawny, what's the matter? You never cry, as I recall, including even that time you snapped your femur and were forced into that odious cast, (which for some reason everyone wished to write upon,) for six weeks." Tawny managed to get out one sentence before burying her face in her friend's shoulder.

"He thinks I'm having flashbacks." Artemis frowned. Perhaps he had heard wrong.

"Flashbacks from what, Tawny? Surely he doesn't believe you met a leprechaun before?" _Please, don't let it be the other thing. Please don't let Dr. Litton, whoever he is, think that she's having flashbacks from-_

Her anger was gone now, and the flood of unhappiness soaking Artemis's jacket was slowing with surprising swiftness. Bodyguard training had toughened Tawny. She would be highly embarrassed about this episode when she woke up the next morning.

Tawny finally raised her face, looking Artemis in the eye.

"LSD." Artemis inhaled sharply. _Sometimes, I almost wish I wasn't right all the time._ (A/N-If you don't know what LSD is, see footnote 2) Tawny continued. "He thinks I did drugs before and lied about it, and that's why I see leprechauns-I'm having flashbacks to my trip." She pounded her pillow angrily. "He thinks it was LSD because LSD can do that- cause flashbacks after you've taken it, I mean." The poor pillow was really taking a bruising. "He thinks I did drugs," Tawny repeated, almost in a whisper. Artemis cleared his throat.

"Did you?"

Outside, eavesdropping in the hall, Rita flinched. Oooooh, boy. This kid might have a vocabulary bigger than Phil, Head of the Hospital Staff and Lord of Jargon, but he apparently had a social skills count of zero to compensate. That was the most insensitive, tactless-

Tawny's jaw dropped for a moment, then she recovered enough to hit Artemis on the arm. Hard.

"OUCH. Very well, then. That is answer enough. It was a simple question, Tawny-"

What Artemis didn't realize is that before becoming Butler's student, Tawny would probably have tried to kill him for that 'simple question'. But time spent with Artemis Fowl tends to change the way people react to him. They will take crap from an adolescent vampire that they would deck anybody else for. Captain Short could certainly have testified to that, having performed innumerable favors for her kidnapper over the years.

Although what Tawny really felt like doing was breaking his jaw, for some reason she found it easier to lean her head back against Artemis's shoulder and inhale his smell of Tootsie Roll Pops from his weird obsession with them, baby powder from his sister, and sweat from archery practice. It didn't hurt that some of her new medications were starting to kick in, and they always made her drowsy.

"I should warn, you, Tawny, that when the drug tests come back negative-I presume they took samples for a drug test?" Tawny gave a weak nod. "Then this Dr. Litton will probably decide that you are faking your delusions for attention." A certain rigidity in Tawny's body showed that she had already considered this, and was not happy about it. Artemis relaxed a little. That attitude was more like the Tawny he knew.

"At least," he clarified taking a deep breath, "that's what I thought. So logically, it is the conclusion Dr. Litton will eventually come to." His pager beeped. It was from Butler, intended as a reminder that staying too long was putting Artemis at risk of being caught by his parents. He stood up and sighed.

"Obviously I don't believe that you are making it up anymore, If they try to put you on Prozac, call me. Goodbye."

He got up to go.

"Artemis?" He turned, expecting to be hit again. "Yes?"

"Do you think I'm crazy?" Artemis stared at Tawny for a long time. So long that she was becoming self-conscious. It was a simple enough question. He was probably trying to figure out a lie that wouldn't offend her. Tawny started getting annoyed. She was just about to tell him to forget it when Artemis opened his mouth. His eyes lost focus. Tawny knew what he was doing. Artemis was doing that thing again. That thing where, even though he was looking at you, you could tell that he was off somewhere in his own head. It was the look he got right before he did something related to his memory glitches, like call her by the wrong name. When he snapped out of it, he often had no idea what he'd said. Wait, he was opening his mouth now. Here it came…

Artemis kissed her on the forehead. "Of course not, Mother. It's natural to be depressed for a little while-it doesn't mean you are insane. The doctors say it's just shock. You should stay up here as long an you need to. Call Juliet, Butler or myself if you need anything." With that, he turned towards the door, stopped dead and then kept right on turning until he was facing Tawny again. Artemis looked slightly puzzled, an alien expression to his usually all-knowing face.

"How did I get over here? Did I just have a memory flash?" Tawny nodded mutely, completely wide awake now. Having your best friend thinking you were his mom was freaky, to say the least.

"I'm sorry, Tawny. Who did I think you were?" Tawny found words.

"Um…your mom. Um…do you remember…anything?"

"No," said Artemis, surprised. He'd told Tawny before he couldn't remember what happened during his flashes.

"Did I do anything?"

"No! No, you didn't. I was just thinking…Sea Pines Mental Institute might not be the best place to be having these lapses."

"You're right. Do you have a headache?" He sounded concerned. Tawny abruptly stopped what she was doing, which was rubbing the spot on her forehead where Artemis had inadvertently kissed her with her palm.

"No, I'm fine. Well, Butler's waiting."

"Very well." Artemis gave Tawny one last worried look, then turned and left. Rita barely made it down the hall in time to avoid getting caught.

FOOTNOTES:

1. Just to make things ABSOLUTELY CLEAR- Artemis really has no memory of what he did, and indeed was under the impression that he was talking to his mother, before his father had been rescued.That line is not actually in Book 1, but it might have been.

2. LSD-"LSD (lysergic acid diethylamide) is one of the major drugs making up the hallucinogen class."-Source: National Institue on Drug Abuse website. (I wanted to double-check, and LSD can indeed cause hallucinations and flashbacks to one's experience years after taking the drug. Further information can be found at the aforemetnioned website.)


	15. Chapter 15

Well, here it is, and I think we can all agree this chappie has come sooner than we expected. So I want lots of reviews to show you appreciation. Thanks to faithful reviewers Nota Lone, TriaskAminawn, and lilacpurple, me-obviously, and froggiesrcool. Hello to new reviewers monkeybitmytail (I lurve 'House', too!) LiRA, hey, and blah. To LiRA: I'm sorry, there's no Holly Short in this chapter (know you've all been missing her, and she should pop up soon...eventually...) This is more of a Jen Spiro chapter, as I haven't written a lot about Jen in a long time. Note: Before reading this chapter, you all MUST have read chapter 9 or you won't have a clue.

Disclaimer. 'Artemis Fowl' is not mine, it's Eoin Colfers. 'Cut' (from which I get Sea Pines) is not mine, either, it's Patricia Stimpsons. But if they WERE mine…muah ha ha...

Random Quote of the Day is from Harry Potter and the Philosopher's/Sorcerer's Stone (the book):  
"How exactly do they sort us into houses?" he asked Ron.  
"Some sort of test, I think. Fred said it hurts a lot, but I think he was joking."

If anyone had looked out on the Lane Academy campus at two in the afternoon on that day, they might have seen Artemis Fowl and Jennifer Spiro sitting together at a picnic table, heads bent. They might have speculated that the two dark-haired teens were working on a school project, or even on a date. Getting closer, that person might have wondered if there were problems in the relationship, because the small girl was swirling her french fry around in the ketchup but not eating it, and storm clouds were being chased across the expressions on both their faces. Closer still, and the nonexistent observer would have been able to eavesdrop on the conversation, and find out what was really going on. What could be bothering two fourteen-year-olds on the last day before spring break?

"Bad news," said Artemis, "They're asking about her parents." Jen dropped her fry.

"How is that bad?" Artemis looked at her with a very startled expression. "Has she talked to you about them?" Jen thought for a minute. Then she thought harder.

"…No?" She said uncertainly.

"Yes or no, Jennifer?"

"No," said Jen, more definitely but not any more happily. Artemis shook his head, understanding.

"Nor to me. I assumed that she would not balk at informing medical personnel, but apparently, she has." Jen frowned.

"Have you ever asked her?"

"Of course, Jen. The girl has lived in my house for months. Once it became apparent she was not interested in pursuing the subject, I did not."

"Artemis, you're like a psychogenius…when you did mention them, did it look bad, like they'd abused her?"

"Psycho-genius…I assume you mean-"

"You understand psychology, yes. I didn't mean you were a psycho. Stop avoiding the question."

"I am not avoiding the question. Very well, I get your meaning. No. Tawny does not show any of the seventy-eight common signs of negative associations towards the subject of her parents, other than unwillingness to speak of them. Of the countless uncommon ones, she again shows none. I do not think we can assume there is abuse or neglect in her past."

"Maybe they weren't cool with her coming to Ireland to move in with you guys and learn from Butler?"

"No. That would mean painful or angry associations with the topic. There are none that I can detect."

"…So she's got a _good_ relationship with them?" Jen sounded disbelieving, and Artemis sympathized. Why would someone with no friction with her parents refuse to talk about them? But that was the situation they had here.

"Then why the heck is she doing this?" Jen asked angrily. "Does she realize how much it's got to be complicating the doctor's opinions of her?" Artemis sighed.

"The simplest and most likely explanation is thus, Jen. Tawny has no reason to wish to cooperate with the doctors, and in addition to that the subject of her parents is obviously a private matter. I just wish she could understand the damage she is doing to her case and her credibility."

"Just talk to the doctors, Tawny."

"No."

"Please?"

"Did they put you up to this?"

"That's besides the point. And yes, they did. But I would have done it anyways. Think, Tawny-you are in a mental home. You are _supposed _to talk about your parents. Tell them whatever it is, the matter remains totally confidential-"

"Except for every do-good counselor over the course of the rest of my life who feels a little nosy."

Outside, Dr. Vivian Klessinger made a note on her clipboard. She had no idea who this vampiric teenage boy was, but in five minutes he'd gotten farther with this girl than she-or anyone on her staff-had ever done. Not that patient #D208 was revealing a lot to this kid, but angry though she was, she definitely seemed more at ease. Dr. Klessinger had not liked asking this kid to manipulate his friend, but he'd been cooperative and she'd come off with the feeling that they were speaking the same language. She was confident in the power of this kid to pull answers out of Tawny, but this session was becoming rather unorthodox. First off, he was not supposed to admit she had asked him to fish for information.

"Just make something up, then!" Artemis was unsurprised to be rushed from the room by the doctor after losing it and making that little remark. He sighed as she gave him a stern lecture. Was it any wonder he did not like coming during normal visiting hours? He didn't know how Jen did it. Then again, Jen hadn't been with him-she had been flown back to Chicago for their spring break from school.

Jon Spiro smirked as he read his niece's latest intercepted email to her parents. Feeling this was not enough, he laughed out loud.

"What a plan, eh, Carla?" Carla Blunt nodded. More professional than her brother, although not nearly as well known, Carla had worked as a mercenary/bodyguard for the past decade until Mr. Spiro had called her up and offered her her brother's job. She knew the golden rule of all bodyguards: The Principal's plan is always the one to work with.

Yes, the **Principal's** plan: While Carla had been working for ten years (not everyone graduated after eight like Domovoi Butler) in Madam Ko's Academy to get her blue diamond, Arno had been rising in the ranks and getting richer. Carla had since graduated rather bitter, and there was no love lost between the siblings after that. All the 'girls can't be bodyguards' talks from Big Brother hadn't helped, either.

"It's genius, I tell you. Butler's lost his game. I take away this replacement. Arty's unhappy, another layer of protection is lost between him and me, and here's another thing, Carla-guess what?"

"The boy's not a threat on his own to the next phase?" Spiro tapped his cane against the floor irritably. It did not work when the hired help actually made intelligent guesses. It made him miss the likes of Arno Blunt, Pex, and Chips. He thought about tapping Carla on the shins with his cane-there were major benefits to having one-but decided that would be foolish. Extremely foolish.

"Carla, Carla, Carla. Fowl is never not a threat. He doesn't look like much, I'll admit-pale and skinny computer nerd. It's the eyes that give him away-stare like the undead. They're blue." Carla nodded, having heard the speech many times. She could recite along with it under her breath. She was, however, never sure why Fowl's eye color was such a point with her employer.

"He's a smart nerd, though, Carla. And don't be fooled with his age. Frazetti always says, there's nothing more dangerous than a short guy with something to prove. Now, Fowl's almost taller than me, but kids are always looked down on, so I think that goes for kids, too. And he's got Butler. Butler managed to get up after your brother swore he shot him in the heart. He's nothing to mess with, but I hear from every source that he's old, spends all his time training the girl. I don't care about the girl. She's out of the way in a nice padded room, thanks to the Irish legal system." He took a moment to laugh manically, then resumed speaking, dead serious. "I have learned to never underestimate Artemis." Jon Spiro's face darkened. "Not after last time. So. A week from Tuesday, we will-" His eyes, never at rest, fell upon the slightly open door. Instantly his good humor snapped.

"Carla!" He screeched, gesticulating wildly with the cane, "Close that at once! Someone could be listening" He took a deep, shuddering breath. Got to watch that heart. "_Fowl_ could be listening." Carla scuttled for the door, rolling her eyes. She looked out, then shut it.

"There's nobody out there, sir." Spiro calmed down a little.

"-And if there was, we'll see them on the cameras." Back to full paranoia mode.

"Carla, you idiot! Fowl can fool the cameras. He fooled every camera in my building last time. But Fowl is only human, no matter how smart he is. And Jon Spiro makes it a point of pride to never make the same mistake twice. You know the plan already. That little security lapse just proved it's unsafe to discuss it here. Watch it, Carla, or I'll dock your pay for a week."

Inside Spiro's closet, his niece didn't dare exhale. Rather, in all the commotion caused by her uncle's blustering, she slipped away down the air vent to the hole located so conveniently in the ceiling of her new room. Her brain was not allowing her to start coping with the new information yet. She knew she'd panic, bang against the sides of the vent, and draw attention to herself, so she was just ignoring what she'd heard. It was not easy. The information kept trying to spill over in a tidal wave of shock. She found the place where the bottom of the vent had the hole cut in it. Spiro had had it welded shut, of course, when he realized how Artemis Fowl must have escaped his room during the C Cube incident. But he had never thought that the improvised exit might be in his very own closet. It had been a simple matter for Jen to get the workman who'd shown up to do the plumbing a week ago to re-cut the hole she'd noticed. She was curious. She hadn't meant to snoop, just see where it led. (now she was glad she had, of course). Fate works in mysterious ways- if Jen had figured out how to reach her ceiling the previous day, she might never have overheard the conversation. Shortly after, she had dropped onto the ladder she'd left for herself, closed the trapdoor in the ceiling and sat on the floor of her room for several moments, finally letting out that breath. She must have breathed somewhere in the vent before then, but just now she couldn't remember it. Sense of urgency gone, her brain allowed the full impact of the conversation to hit. And she started shaking. Not even bothering to pull on a sweatshirt, she ran out the door, down eighty flights of stairs, and headed out of the Needle for her favorite tree.

_Less than an hour later..._

Jen ran down the Chicago streets. Her breath was labored-she'd come almost a mile and a half. She couldn't believe it. She still couldn't believe it. The young Spiro ran into a city park and abruptly sat down, although in truth 'collapsed' might have been a better word. Ignoring the pain as unstretched muscles began to seize, she panted underneath her favorite big oak tree, thoughts whirling so fast her head hurt.

Her own uncle. Her own uncle. _Her own uncle _had been the one who put Tawny in the nuthouse. She went to Sea Pines every weekend and saw how it was destroying strong, tough, dedicated Tawny to be psychoanalyzed and medicated within an inch of her life. She gave Artemis his violin lessons and saw how grumpy Butler was getting without his student. Jen had even watched emotionless, controlled Artemis pace the floor of his room for an hour, muttering to himself in an effort to understand what was happening to Tawny, and it turned out to be _Uncle Jon_ who was causing all this! Jen dug her fingers into the loose, loamy earth.

Jen could maybe in a million years have been even a little understanding if Jon Spiro actually thought Tawny was dangerous. But he didn't. It was part of some plan, some demented plot to hurt Artemis. What kind of plot, she didn't know yet. She dug her hand in deeper, the feel of the dirt between her fingers calming her somehow.

She should warn him.

Jen's stomach turned and her pride rebelled at the thought of telling Artemis, Tawny and Butler that the real reason Tawny was at Sea Pines was because her uncle had decided things would be more convenient that way. Her fingers clenched in the dirt at the very idea. A sudden wave of unhappiness for Tawny, fear for the Fowls and shame at her relatives combined and came out Jen's tear ducts. She buried her face in her soil-encrusted hands and sobbed as she started to accept what she would have to do-tell Artemis and start working against her family. The thing was made about ten thousand times more complicated by the fact that Uncle Jon seemed to think Artemis had done something to him. But Uncle Jon was also, apparently, unstable. But Artemis was definitely capable of doing whatever it was Jon thought he had done. But-Without thinking, she took a nibble at the dirt in her hand. Then another, and another. She didn't realize what she was doing even as she licked her fingers and took another handful. Mmmm. Good, dark, vitamin-rich dirt. Still preoccupied, she realized she'd better be getting home to the Needle before Uncle Traitor sent out a search party. She'd think things through there. Jen stood up, wiped her eyes, rearranged her ponytail, and without really realizing what she was doing, unhinged her jaw and plunged headfirst into the ground at her feet like she was diving into a pool. Anyone watching (which, thankfully, nobody was) would have seen the strange, dirt-eating girl break the surface a mere five feet away, choking, gasping and spitting out clods of dirt the size of bowling balls, suddenly aware of what she had just attempted to do…no, what she had just **done**. She looked at her hands, then felt her butt. The back of her pants had been blown wide open by some kind of gastrointestinal…_mud_…explosion. She looked back at the tree. _Did I really…what's the word…**tunnel** all they way over here? _She put her hands on her jaw line again, feeling how it wasn't attached to anything anymore, and instinctively shoved it upwards and twisted it, so that twin _crr-acks_ announced that it was the way it should be again. Something wriggled in her mouth, and Jen spat out a beetle that some part of her wanted to swallow. She looked at the dirt again. Well. Should she? What if she was insane, or dreaming? Yeah, she was probably dreaming.

Jen shook her head violently. No, it had all felt too…too real to be a dream. Or wasn't that what people in dreams thought? She looked at the ground again. It seemed to be calling to her. She thought of one of her mother' sayings: "Nothing to it but to do it." Jen straightened up and nodded to herself as if coming to a final decision.

She took a deep breath, then…walked to the edge of the park and caught a cab. Jennifer Spiro didn't look back at the tree, even though she wanted to. There was no time for crazy digging…fantasies? The word 'fantasies' would do for the moment. Tawny and Artemis were in trouble. At this point, her dwarf nature stopped trying to assert itself and settled back into Jen's subconscious.

Little did Jen know what had happened to her. Completely contrary to her normal behavior, she was trying _not_ to think about it.

The urges to eat dirt had become stronger as her adolescence progressed, but Jen's adoptive parents had sent her to a psychologist that had really helped. Not all human mind doctors are barbarians, but it turned out Dr. Johanson had been fighting a losing battle against dwarf molars. The urge to bite down is the strongest of all dwarven urges. (Jenny had always been a bite-fighter in kindergarten.) However, time away from therapy (and time away from dirt) had brought on the cravings again. The fact that she was under massive stress brought out new 'talents' from her subconscious-the ability to unhinge her jaw, and the instinct to get underground for instance. Jen also didn't know how lucky she was to not have had a tunnel convulsion. They are common among novice diggers and could have resulted in some of Mother Earth going down the wrong pipe. The fact that Jen's maiden voyage was merely five feet helped. The jaw unhinging was a little more worrisome. Among full dwarves (as opposed to half-dwarves like Jen) only the males can unhinge their jaws. As has been explained before, human-fairy hybrids often resulted in genetic anomalies common to neither race. Female dwarves were traditionally the tunnel maintenance rather than tunnel diggers. Their bodies were better adapted to extracting the shiny gems and minerals from the rock, while their male counterparts had evolved to dig. (Male dwarf spit glowed in the dark and hardened, a useful plastering material. Female dwarf spit dissolved stone and, properly processed, was sold as rock polish. Many dwarfs carried a bottle of it around with them.) Jen, however, had been born with the teeth and digestive tract for heavy-duty digging. Not _too_ heavy duty, though-the DNA from her human half would place obvious restrictions on that. And the following day, she was to discover she suddenly had developed hardening, bioluminescent spit overnight, an event that would be fun only for somebody watching her stare at her toothbrush in utter bewilderment.

FOOTNOTES:

1. C'mon, remember, Holly carved through Artemis's cell's ceiling and they escaped to Spiro's closet. I'm assuming Spiro would have re-welded the ceiling back on, though it would be a simple matter for Jen to get curious about the marks in her ceiling, figure out it was hollow, and convince a plumber to install a trapdoor and add it to her uncle's tab. And I DID mention in Chapter 9 that Jen had gotten Artemis's old cell when she moved into the Needle.

2.Ok, ok, so I made up some of the dwarf characteristics. But it DOES mention at least twice in the books that only males can unhinge their jaws. (At least, it never rmentions the women's abilities. Just the men's...how sexist..ahem. So anyways, I'm assuming the women can't.)

3.So...REVIEW!

Was this chapter

a) AWESOME

b) the best thing you've ever read

c) Pretty good!

d) OK

e) (my **ULTIMATE WORST FEAR EVER**) Mary-Sue?

f) (also pretty bad) OOC?

Feel free, like I know Nota Lone has, to make up you own choices. Or completely disregard the list altogether. And if you do decide to use it, it would be nice if I wasn't bombarded with reviews containing only a single letter each.

I love you all and never forget, the floor is lava,

Silverfingers


	16. Worth a Thousand Words

Here it is...Chapter 16. It is not particularly long, but do not be discouraged. This is one I had to write before I do the next one. I'm planning on a long chappie next update, full of Plot Development. And it's probably a good idea if you don't miss this chapter, either. Enjoy!

Disclaimers: I do not own Artemis Fowl. IMPORTANT: I get the name of Tawny's mental home from the book 'Cut' by Patricia **McCormick**. Not Patricia Stimpson. I don't even know who Stimpson _is_. Ack! I ended a sentence with a preposition.

Thanks to lilacpurple, the Queen of Beta.

**_Who were Tawny's parents_**? It was eleven o'clock at night. Artemis stared at his computer screen, frowning as he tried to figure out the best way of ferreting out the answer to the question that had been bothering him for weeks now. He only knew two general things about her parents:

1) Tawny was not angry at them, as far as he could tell.

2) Tawny also politely but adamantly refused to discuss them.

So, she must have some cause to be ashamed of them, or was possibly angry at them for a reason buried deeper than he'd been able to detect so far.

Some people would have left the matter alone. But Artemis Fowl the second was unaccustomed to not knowing things. Especially when it concerned one of his best friends, someone who sported a bullet scar from her services to him. _Especially_ when it looked as though Tawny would never be getting out of Sea Pines unless she talked about her family. You cannot just 'not talk about' things as big as relatives at a mental institution. No doubt her apparent lack of hostility towards her parents was what was baffling the doctors. Frankly, however, this issue was the only lead the psychologists-and Artemis-had got towards unraveling the secret of Tawny's fairy delusions. Everything other likely cause seemed to be checking out as a dead end. The secret of her parents was a challenge, and Artemis loved a challenge. He was willing to ignore for the moment how upset Tawny might or might not be if she discovered he'd been probing an issue she thought he'd gotten the message about.

Already, an hour of fruitless searching had only served to eliminate several possibilities. He rubbed his eyes. The thing would be easier, so _much_ easier, if he had her last name-but Tawny had never told him, and the Sea Pines and Lane Academy computer systems were offline. No way to make a connection. Unhackable. The chances of him visiting either of those institutions to access the network anytime soon seemed slim to none, as school was out for a few weeks and he couldn't exactly go hopping off to Sea Pines for an after hours visit _now_. Particularly since his parents and Butler were gone for the week, to some spa. His father needed physical therapy, and his mother wanted to be with his father. Butler wanted to get an exam, to see what was causing the heart of an astonishingly healthy man of forty-one to hammer like crazy after climbing the stairs. So Artemis was alone with his baby sister for awhile. And the one thing about Artemis Fowl that surprised a lot of people was his tender devotion to little Holly. It was something that even Jen Spiro had picked up and wrote home about in her emails to her parents. It also meant that he would not leave her home alone.

Artemis pressed his palms over his eyes and tried thinking about what Tawny actually looked like. Maybe her genes could give him a clue? Artemis thought about Tawny's face as if he were a complete stranger. Pale skin, high cheekbones...fair hair, narrow nose...**_Russia? Tawny looks Russian!_**

He sat back, reeling. _Not necessarily Russian, but almost definitely a gene mix from Europe, probably somewhere near North Europe. Not necessarily Russian. I am merely bring paranoid. Still, if her parents are in the Mafiya, it would certainly explain why she is unwilling to tell me about them. _Artemis had spent enough time poring over mug shots of criminals from that area when he was younger and his father still missing to recognize the features of someone whose ancestors probably originated from there. With a jolt and a sudden sense of nausea, he wondered if Tawny had been connected with his father's kidnapping.

But that was a long shot; millions of people had never been to the countries from which their DNA came. Tawny must have had at least distant relatives from somewhere near Russia, but that was not enough to determine that she had ever lived in that area. She didn't even have an accent. Still…Artemis quickly hacked onto the Interpol archives and set up a search for the name 'Tawny' on an under-fourteen female. He hesitated, then changed the parameters to only the Russian sector archive files. This was too nerve-wracking, and nagging pangs of guilt were starting to tug at his conscience at this investigation of his friend, the invasion of her privacy. Maybe she had familial issues she didn't want brought to light. Artemis hit ENTER. He had to find out if his suspicions were true. If not, he would arrange to visit Tawny as soon as possible and inform her that he intended to find out who her parents were. Tawny had spent too much time with Artemis to doubt very much that he would succeed. Even if she didn't like it, just knowing he wasn't going behind her back anymore would be a relief.

He went into the adjoining nursery to check on baby Holly. Or Vally, as he called her. (Artemis still did not like using her first name.) He came back. No matches. The Fowl heir sighed; he shouldn't be surprised. Interpol's surveillance in Russia was slightly below par; at least compared to their other areas. The Russian Mafiya was proving difficult for them to infiltrate. He himself had collected better intelligence when he was eleven years old. (Nothing that could help him with the search for Tawny's parents; he'd already checked his own files.) However, when a Mafiya name was turned up, Interpol would do extensive satellite surveillance for its database. It was pointless, really. His only hope was to try and access Tawny's hospital's computers next chance he got and-

_Britva. _Artemis suddenly had the urge to type in that name. It had presented itself into his mind as though it were a snippet of a dream he had half-forgotten. Britva. It was a Russian name, sure enough, but he could not for the life of him remember hearing it before. He strained his recollection. Where had he heard it? It must be part of a memory thing.

An agonizing flash; an unfamiliar someone saying: "_Vassikin's boss is a **mezhinder** called Britva-"_ Artemis blinked. It was gone.

Seeing no reason not to, Artemis typed the name Britva into the search, and hit ENTER. The computer whirred, a half-dozen security measures had to be bypassed, and then-

Hits, hits, and more hits. He had struck gold. Whoever this Britva was, he was indeed a busy mob boss. By the looks of it, Interpol had been trying to nab Britva for decades. However, Artemis realized in frustration as he scanned documents, there was no information specific enough to point to why the man was in Artemis's own brain. Britva was so paranoid he'd managed to make sure that while Interpol knew he was there, nobody could figure out exactly what he'd done. The photographs and satellite images were more helpful-although Britva seemed to be wary about leaving his face uncovered while outside, there was definitely enough to show him as a tall, broad, dark man with sloping shoulders. Artemis yawned. Interesting and perplexing though this was (Why this name? Why _now_?), it was not helping him find Tawny.

So he loaded a few pictures from her digital camera onto the computer, and wrote a program telling the computer to search through all of the Britva-related images on the screen and compare them with Tawny's. The resemblance would be expressed as a percentage.

Holly Fowl made a cooing noise. Artemis's ears pricked up. That was the 'I'm hungry' cooing noise that went on for about 5 minutes before the much louder 'I'm hungry' crying noise. Artemis got up and fed her, then came back to check on his computer results. They were disappointing, not that he had really been expecting more. He clicked on the best match-a 50. The shot was one of Britva, supposedly, getting out of a car and being greeted by a small crowd of people. Tawny's picture popped up next to it, and the computer started drawing red lines on two of the people in the picture, linking them to the shot. Artemis raised his eyebrows. _Two_ similar faces? He deleted the red lines and magnified the picture. One of them was an older woman, and the other one was about ten or eleven, and alike enough to the woman so as to almost certainly be her daughter. Heart thumping a little faster than normal, Artemis checked the date on the picture. Four years ago. So that girl was about the right age for Tawny. The picture was a grainy black and white, obviously taken by someone perched on the rooftops rather than a more sophisticated satellite. The poor picture quality had evidently reduced the computer's ability to detect similarities. And it must have combined the percentages for the woman and the girl to come up with 50. The woman's hair was a lighter color than her daughter's, and the features were slightly different. Although she was nearly the spit and image of her mom, the girl looked like she must have generated a higher Tawny percentage than her mother.

The picture really _was _bad. Color cameras must have been hard to come by in the Artic Circle. Britva seemed to like the miniature version; his hand was outstretched in the act of patting the small girl's head. Artemis leaned closer, nose almost touching the screen. He isolated and magnified the girls' picture, but couldn't tell if she could be a younger Tawny. He returned the shot to normal size and looked down to check the list of those people Interpol knew appeared in the picture. The names Britva and Mikael Vassikin jumped out at him. Another memory thing. He scrolled down. There! Tawny Rathmussen! Was that Tawny's full name? Artemis clicked on the name, and the computer highlighted…the older woman. Artemis frowned. Then what was the little girl's name? He clicked on the only other female name there: Mikaela T. Rathmussen-Vassikin. The little girl was highlighted now. Rathmussen-Vassikin? The woman, Tawny Rathmussen, must not have changed her last name when she got married…probably to Mikael Vassikin or someone related to him. Either that or they later got a divorce and she switched back. He looked at what was undoubtedly their offspring, the girl who would now be around fourteen years old. She did look a little like Tawny…except small, even for her age…maybe she was younger than ten…Mikaela was not a common Russian name, but Artemis was willing to bet that if Mikael was indeed her father, he'd added a vowel to the end of his name in order to name his daughter after himself. He'd probably wanted a male who could easily follow in his Mafiya footsteps, …rather than have to prove herself every step of the way. Yes, being the only girl would be hard on a police officer…

…_police officer?_

Artemis shook himself. He needed sleep. _And tomorrow, I will be working strictly on my sonic grenade. Tawny has nothing to do with the Russian Mafiya, and I am going to drive myself insane, if I have not already done so. But if I am truly losing my grip, then why would the strange names that keep appearing in my brain be the names of actual people? It must have been all this thinking about the Mafiya that brought this on…(_A/N That **_was _**the reason, so take his word for it_) …I had probably just forgotten a few names my research on my father's whereabouts had turned up, a long time ago…_

Artemis finally went off to bed, and one question kept repeating itself over and over…Was she, or wasn't she? That face looked like Tawny, and yet it did not…but it did, but the picture was bad…If he could only get a better picture, it would immediately become apparent whether or not it really was Tawny…

_6:30 the next night_

"Hello, Arty, darling. Are you getting on all right without us?"

"Yes, Mother. How is everyone?"

"There you go, mothering me again. Everyone is all right, and the therapy they have here will do wonders for your father's leg. Probably. I don't mind a little extra spa time, myself, and they have an excellent aerobics program as well."

"And Butler?"

"He has scheduled an examination, although the doctors here seem just as puzzled as the doctors there. But how are you, Arty?" she pressed.

"Fine, Mother."

"Is Josephine there?"

"I have her tied up in the closet…I am kidding, Mother…_kidding_…she left already." Josephine Laskas was paid 15 pounds an hour by the Fowls to watch Artemis and Holly during the day. She was paid an additional 5 pounds per day by Artemis to leave early.

"How is Holly?"

"Wonderful. A bit fussy last night, but she quieted down."

"You really do work wonders with her, Arty. I imagine that it would have taken Timmy or I twice as long." Angeline's voice was warm. Artemis smiled into the receiver. Just hearing his mother call his father 'Timmy' and knowing that his father was right there with her, well…it meant more to Artemis than almost anything in the world. Angeline smiled, too. It was that way with Arty. Even when he didn't say anything, even though he didn't know it, even though he didn't smile often, when he did, you could feel his grin coming down the line. You just knew he was smiling at something.

"How is Tawny?" Smile gone. Angeline winced. It had to be asked.

"She is fine, Mother. As fine as can be expected, when imprisoned in a mental home. At least, they have not put her on Prozac **yet**."The voice was almost robotic now. He was shutting away. Closing up.

"Arty, honey, please don't do that."

"Do what?" Cold as a blast of Artic wind.

"Oh, you know…" Angeline floundered hopelessly. Sometimes it was so hard to deal with the boy. Holly certainly never did this. Then again, Holly couldn't even talk yet…

"Sweetie, we've been over this. There's nothing your father or I can do. Our lawyers are looking the law over, to see if there's any loopholes."

"I'm not all that sure that she's insane, Mother. And if you'd just let _me_ take a look at it, I would find a way out of there faster than-**"**

"Honey," Angeline gave an exasperated sigh, "No. What you want to do is…noble, I guess, but your father and I…well…"

"You don't trust me."

"Sweetie, I think we both know you're not above, that is to say-"

"What?"

"You'd tamper with the law. Or bribe somebody. I know you, Arty. When you get determined, you're worse than your father."

Tawny's description may or may not be what North European people actually look like. Do not take offense if you are one of them, although I don't see why you would.

Aaaaand now...Assorted Previews of Chapter 17 (not to be read together. That is, they are from different parts of the chapter.):

"Tawny. This is Jen." Over the line, the girl sounded hassled. Tawny immediately sat up, her lethargy gone. "What's the matter, Jen?" Jen swallowed, her molars clicking against each other.

"It's my Uncle Jon. He's in Ireland. He's going to do something to Artemis tonight, and I don't know what. You've got to get over there."

Captain Short looked up as the tunnel ceiling came crashing down.

What is Jon Spiro going to pull? What's going to fall through the tunnel roof? THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME! Or rather you, because I already know the answers to these questions, and they are surprising indeed.

Not reviewing is like stealing from the author.

The floor is lava,

Silverfingers


	17. Detonation

As per usual, Artemis Fowl, Holly Short, etc., is not mine, and neither is the name of Tawny's mental institution. (Sea Pines; it comes from the book _Cut_ by Patricia McCormick.) Everything else, though, is mine. So paws off.

This chappie should maybe be rated above K+ because of Brief Drug and Alcohol Refrences and also Scary, Near-Death Things Involving Teenagers. If that bothers you, you don't have to read this, although of course you never HAD to read it, you're doing this of your own free will, but it would be nice if you did read it, because I really like this chapter, and also if you could _review_ it would totally make my day...

_Ireland International Airport  
_Jon Spiro waited by the car as Carla conducted a bomb check and looked around at the surrounding countryside with a smirk. Her search finally over, he got in and actually laughed out loud. It was a long drive through the rainy night to Fowl Manor from the airport, but what was waiting at the end was something he had yearned and plotted for for a long time: revenge.

_Sea Pines Mental Institution_

The ring of her cell phone by her bed woke Tawny up with a start. She gazed blankly out the window as she flipped it open.

"Hello?"

"Tawny. This is Jen." Over the line, the girl sounded hassled. Tawny immediately sat up, her lethargy gone. "What's the matter, Jen?" Jen swallowed, her molars clicking against each other.

"It's my Uncle Jon. He's in Ireland. He's going to do something to Artemis tonight, and I don't know what. You've got to get over there."

"To Fowl Manor? How do you-"

"Don't ask me how I know, not _now, _come _on, _T, your Principal's in danger, and yes, of course to Fowl Manor, and I've tried to call there but it's no good, wherever Artemis is his cell phone is off and the land line's not working and he's not on IM-"

"Yeah, there's a storm here, a tree must have fallen on the phone lines-" Tawny answeredautomatically as her mind raced far ahead of her words. He may not be her Principal, exactly, but Artemis was in trouble.

_The outskirts of Haven City _

Captain Holly Short leaned over Captain Kelp's shoulder.

"What've we got?" Kelp pointed at a screen.

"We've shut down several sectors and set up barricades. The troll can't reach the city."

"What's the situation in the immediate area?" Captain Short was removing her earrings as she spoke. She had been at home, off-duty for the night, when the call came in that the LEP were several fairies short in a major troll-recovery operation belowground. The thing was a monster, nine feet tall, and wandering around the tunnels unchecked. Holly shivered unconsciously. They were searching blind (Foaly's sensors didn't run this far) in territory infested by Tunnel Blue spiders and trolls. Oh, and also mindwiped Irish boys. The whole operation was going on mere miles below Fowl Manor. The only comfort was that they were indeed far underneath the foundations, though just close enough so that the irony did not escape the LEP. There was no way Artemis could detect them, and of course, no reason why he would be looking. But some of the tunnels led uncomfortably close, as little as 50 feet below the house.

"Here." Trouble tossed her a pair of wings.

"Why do I need these?"

"Remember Martina Franca?" Holly winced.

"Yeah?"

"Well, that was…umm…"

"A disaster." Holly filled in for him. "But at least nobody died."

"Anyways, it did teach us that a set of wings is a fairy's best bet when going up against a troll. Strap 'em on."

_Fowl Manor_

Artemis Fowl, Junior, hummed a lullaby quietly as he checked on his little sister. Sound asleep. He still felt guilty about testing his sonic grenade when he'd promised his parents he would be watching her, but really, there was no other time to do it. Certainly no time while they were around. Artemis clippedHolly's baby monitor onto his belt. At least he'd still have this link to his sister. It was not like she was going anywhere. And he himself was only going down a couple floors, to the wine cellar. To the tunnel.

_The tunnel was a curious thing. He'd have sworn it wasn't there until the afternoon, no more than ten days ago, when he had found Jen standing in the entry hall covered in dirt and rather shell-shocked. She told him she'd been in the tunnel, then been surprised when he had expressed no knowledge of any such thing. When pressed, she revealed its location, although not why she had been in the wine cellar in the first place. And there it was- in a dark corner, a hole in the ground. It went straight down in a sort of slide, then eventually leveled off to a small underground cavern, the walls coated with some sort of hard, lacquer-like substance. Jen had not wished to go down there again with Artemis, instead opting to head outside and hose herself off. She reallyhad beencovered with a most astonishing amount of dirt.Jennifercould hardly have been muddier-or less willing to talk about the tunnel-if she had dug it herself.But surely that would have taken a long time, and security would have seen people coming onto the grounds with shovels. At any rate, after Tawny had checked the place out and deemed it safe (Butler being unable to fit through the opening), it made a perfect place to test a sonic grenade. **(see footnote 1)**_

Artemis secured the bomb into the cavern floor. It sat there, looking very ominous, with wires sticking out in all directions into the ground. It was merely a prototype. The marketable model would be considerably more streamlined, (partially because Artemis was determined that he'd be able to make this thing smaller. It just seemed too big and clunky, although itlooked like it would work fine.) He anchored the shatterproof plastic camera to the wall to observe the blast, then began to climb back up the tunnel. Theexplosion from his invention would be too strong; it would have to be remotely detonated from the wine cellar. Artemis found himself hoping very much that nothing would go wrong. He didn't know why-he was sure that his plans were accurate. But nonetheless, he had an uneasy feeling about the whole sonic-grenade concept. Artemis was not accustomed to hoping, he was accustomed to knowing. But it seemed to the boy genius as if knew less and less these days, as his flashes got worse.

_Farther Underneath Fowl Manor_

Holly and Trouble crept around the corner, Holly suppressing a shudder. Creeping around in a dark tunnel, (even if the glo-strips on the ceiling did provide some light,) and looking for trolls was a nightmare for even a hardened LEP officer. Her thoughts wandered to the Mud Boy far above them, alone with a million memories of her and the LEP locked away in his head. She couldn't help it; the thought of Artemis spending the rest of his short human life trying to make sense of flashes was sad. They had almost been friends, after all.

_Sea Pines Mental Institute._

Tawny's heart was racing. She couldn't help it; she felt almost alive again in a way she hadn't since coming to Sea Pines. She sneezed. Her old clothes sure were dusty.

The girl took several deep breaths, calming herself. Passion is the enemy of efficiency, as Butler had always told herNow was no time to start acting irrationally. _I wonder, _thought Tawny irrationally, _why the people closest to me here-Butler, Artemis- are so calm all the time. Exactly the opposite of-_there were footsteps coming down the hall. Tawny dived into bed and pulled the covers over herself, praying it was just one of the nurses, her calm shattered by the awareness that with every second Spiro was getting closer and closer to Fowl Manor-and Artemis. The footsteps came into her room, slow and shuffling.

It was Dr. Litton.  
Ah, Dr. Litton. How she disliked him. Tawny tried to avoid saying she hated people, but this guy came close. He had a syringe in his hand. She frowned…maybe something for one of the other girls? Angie was a diabetic…but she gave herself her own insulin. Light glinted off the pointed tip. The only other option that came to mind immediately was sedative. Or maybe…Hey, maybe **Dr. Litton **was on drugs?

Tawny's brain was trying to fool her into thinking that Dr. Litton's coming into her room with a needle didn't mean it was intended for her. Because Tawny wasn't on any medication that needed to be given via injection. And in any case, it could have waited until morning. In short, Tawny's brain was making excuses, any excuses, so that she wouldn't start being afraid.

Dr. Litton leaned over the patient he thought was asleep, breathing as though he had just run a marathon. Tawny caught the smell of something on his breath…vodka, and a chemical…a chemical…something Butler had been teaching her the smell of…

_The Limo_

Jon Spiro checked his watch. Litton should have taken care of Fowl's little friend by now. It was amazing what you could accomplish, with a persuasive tone and some cash. And of course, a little extra something to loosen people's scruples. Oh, the look on Fowl's face when Spiro showed him the girl's body would be priceless. Not that it would last long, because Spiro intended to shoot Fowl soon after. Very soon after. He grinned evilly as the rain beat harder on the windows of the limo.

_Fowl Manor_

Artemis shut his eyes, and hit the detonator button. A loud yet muffled boom far below showed that his grenade had worked. He would have liked to have had a voice-activated detonator, but that would have been impossible to do through a walkie-talkie, and there was no question of actually standing that close to the bomb for detonation.The Fowl heir went down the hole to the cave below, to see the damage his creation had wrought.

It was more powerful than he'd originally thought. As soon as he'd dropped catlike to the hollowed-out space (which was now much larger, due to the sheer compressive force of the expanding sound waves), the floor began to crumble under his Gucci loafers and he was falling into blackness. Artemis barely had enough time to think, -_but the seismograph scans for under the tunnel showed solid bedrock for over 100 feet-_ before he landed with a thud.

There was a _boom! _above their heads. Trouble and Holly looked at each other for a split second, than started running away from the area underneath the noise. Whatever it was, they didn't want it to fall on them. Over her shoulder, Captain Short looked up as the tunnel ceiling came crashing down. Trouble yanked her arm and she turned around, not stopping until they were on the other side of the _ludhan_. (The _ludhan_ was where a tunnel widened, becoming perhaps a hundred yardsacross before narrowing again. They were a dwarfen modification for when fairies needed room to stand around, communicate, and sift ore. The word _ludhan_ literally meant seeing-place, in reference to the increased visibility.) She turned around to see the extent of the damage. She was not prepared for a coughing, ashen Artemis Fowl to be lying on top of the rubble. She was even less prepared for when he looked over at her, strands of his normally neat black hair falling over his face, still coughing up dust. As he flicked the hair off his face, gazing in her direction, Holly became dimly aware of two things. One, there was blood on him. Artemis was hurt. And two, her shield was off. Artemis stared her way just a second longer, opened his mouth, then abruptly shuddered and passed out.

_O'Leary Highway, Ireland_

Tawny panted as she ran along the muddy Irish roads. Fowl Manor was four miles away from the mental home, and she'd come about a mile now; so-. Her cell phone rang. She flipped it out.

"Go, Jen."

"'K. I've hacked into the limo service's records. Uncle Jon rented his thing about and hour and a half ago, which means he's around thirty minutes-that's thir**ty**, not thirt**een**- away from Fowl Manor. Can you get there in time?" A rash of static overcame Jen's frantic, yet steely voice. Another day, she'd have marveled at Jen's ability to put what was right over family, right away. Tawny looked down at her phone without halting. No signal. Putting the phone back in her pocket, she sped up her pace as an answer.

_Fowl Manor_

Jon Spiro stepped into the house, Carla and a hired team of hit men with him. The lights were on, but the place was silent as the grave. Two of the men commandeered the security room, watching all the monitors. Spiro's heart was beating dangerously fast. Finally, _finally, _he was going to get revenge on the boy who had toyed with him, humiliated him, beat him, and cost him so much. All the fancy plans on Earth wouldn't get Artemis Fowl out of this one. Spiro had managed to catch him without his parents, his bodyguard, or his bodyguard's trainee. And now he was going to do what he should have done the first time he crossed paths with that arrogant little nerd: kill him. Give him a nice sharp shock, his friend in a body bag, and then shoot him. Although Litton was not here yet. Spiro didn't want any delays; but Litton was bringing Fowl's friend with him. He'd hate for little Arty to be deprived of a playdate. As the team of men spread out through the manor, Spiro let out a maniacal laugh. Carla ignored it, having heard it many times before; several of the hit men raised their eyebrows but got on with their jobs. Spiro was most disappointed (to put it lightly) to hear it when the team reported back to him and said that the boy was not in the manor. The only thing there was a baby, sleeping upstairs in her crib.

FOOTNOTES

1. Yes, Jen did dig that tunnel. It was sort of an accident, she just wanted to see what she could do, got going and when she finally stopped she'd hollowed out this little cavern about 20 feet below the wine cellar. She was extremely embarassed for reasons she can't quite understand, especially as she lost control at somebody else's house.

2. Some of you may be wondering why Holly's shield was off. Why would it be on? You don't need your shield when you're just looking for a troll. When she found it, that's when Holly was planning on going shielded.

3. The _ludhan_ is something I made up. It's not part of the canon.

**To froggiesrcool**: If you want to write a story about little Holly, then go ahead. However, I would like it if you could put where you got the name/idea from in your disclaimer, along with the usual Eoin Colfer stuff. How much of the rest of my story would be going into yours? Please respond before you post your fic.

This is not permission for anybody else to start using my characters-if you could just let me know first, that would be nice. :-)

To **lilacpurple, TrisakAminawn, Nota Lone, the Dark Empress of Eternity, Lii, Ooozaru Angel, Melody Bridge**, and** froggiesrcool: **Thanks for reviewing-I love you guys!

Also, in reviews, several people had questions about Tawny. I.e. why can she see fairies, will she talk about her parents, etc. I'm afraid that in order to maintain an element of suspense, and partly because I want to get this chappie out NOW, we will recieve no further information on this-YET. There will be a moment in Ch. 18 when we-that is to say, you- will recieve a big hint towards the answer to one of the bigger Tawny questions. This is your incentive to **_not_** throw up your hands, decide you will never find out about Tawny,and abandon _The Luck of the Irish_ forever. Until Chapter 18, the floor is lava!

Silverfingers


	18. The Better to See You With

Random quote of the Day: Good friends are those who bail you out of jail. Best friends are those that are sitting next to you saying, 'Dang! That was fun!'

So perhaps it's not a really_ prompt_ update...but as it is chock-full of words I think it was worth it. Also I have added in a Plot Twist. So this will be going in an entirely different direction as indicated by chapter 17. Muah hahaha.

To...

Sir Gawain of Camelot: Good luck with your story,

Celestial Pendant: The idea of half-fairy-half -humans is not solely my idea, but sure, you can use it.

Caleb: Dwarfs can hollow out spaces without self-sealing them. I guess I don't have a real reason for why the entry slide wasn't, though. Let's say she hollowed it out and made it big enoguh so that it wouldn't self-seal.

T: Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you like it and will take your advice.

-anon-anon-anon- It's so cool to think that someone would make the effort to read my story while they were on vacation. Thanks!

Oozaru Angel: I did read ToD and I agree, it totally does mess things up a bit for TLOTI but have decided to continue my story using my version of how mindwipes work because I like it and, I think, you guys like it. I did write a post-ToD fic called Changeling; it's up to 6 chapters now and I hope you'll check it out.

Nota Lone, TrisakAminawn, lilacpurple, Lii, me-obviously, and IwuvMyKenshyPoo: Thanks for reviewing!

To the rest of you who have been wasting your time doing whatever and not reviewing my stories, now's your chance. Remember, not reviewing is like stealing from the author.

Here's the chappie!

------**the Higher Tunnels, Haven City Outskirts, Higher Tunnel # F904, ludhan 3**

Holly stared at the limp form of the Mud Boy. She couldn't believe it. Part of her couldn't, anyway. The part of her that was not shocked over the fact that Artemis Fowl could have found her again, so soon, was worrying about him. There was blood running down his face, past his closed eyes. Not a lot, just a trickle, but the flow was not stopping, either. Trouble started as his partner started to move towards the Mud Boy. He grabbed her arm

"What are you _doing_?" Holly heard the strain in Trouble's voice. Being sent on a troll hunt and now having Mud Men from the public-enemies list afalling from the sky (well, okay, ther ceiling) had rattled him, to say the least. Not to mention that troll could still turn up at any moment.

"He's hurt. I am making sure he's okay. He might need a healing." She spoke quietly and calmly, as though explaining matters to a child.

"A _healing?_ Holly-you can't-"

"Hold on a moment, Short." Holly paused. It was the commander in her earpiece, and his voice sounded unusually gentle. Enough to make her pause. In fact, he hadn't sounded this normal since he'd made the decision to not yell at them all during Artemis's mind wipe.

"What's the matter, Commander?" Root let out a relieved sigh. She hadn't called him Julius.

"Okay, good. Mr. Foaly here-" A derisive note entered Root's tone- "thinks you might have been experiencing infantile obsessive mania again."

"For _**Artemis Fowl**?_ Commander, he is not his sister! The changeling gene goes for babies. Small. Cute. Vulnerable. Not troublesome. The _exact opposite_ of-" She stopped. Fowl was stirring. Luckily, this time Captain Short had her shield on.

-----------------------

Tawny ran along the back country roads. If she had cared to track it, she would not have been surprised to know that she was making her fastest four mile run time ever. But then again, she had never had anything quite this urgent to run for.

-------------------**Holly's Nursery, Fowl Manor**

Spiro looked down at the little girl swaddled in his arms. Dark hair, probably going to be the spitting image of her brother when she grew up. Except that with one lift from her cradle by a stranger, that 'when' had shifted to a big 'if'. He stared down at Baby Holly for almost a full minute, then turned around.

"All right, boys, despite this dismal failure we may still be on." Nobody asked how they were supposed to be responsible for Fowl not being home. The hit team stood respectfully around their boss in the darkened nursery as he continued.

"Jenny noticed several times in her communiqués that Fowl loves his baby sister. As in _loves._ Apparently he'll do anything for this puling infant. I know I said I wasn't going in for any fancy plans this time around, but this might work out for the best." He looked down at little Holly again.

"Here's the deal. We don't shoot Artemis. What we're gonna do is bring little whatshername here back to Chicago; at least Fowl wasn't able to rob me of my Needle. I'll leave a little taped message here for Artemis to find. He'll come to Chicago to rescue her." Spiro gave a maniacal, sharklike grin. "Then we shoot him." The team looked at each other, and made a universal decision: Yeah, we get paid enough. They then headed to the back door of the manor, to where the cars were parked. Carla just had enough time to grab the diaper bag. _Someone_ had to do the practical thinking around here. A part of the Blunt sister she didn't like to acknowledge was needling her. Kidnapping helpless babies. Even her brother had never sunk this low.

----------------------**directly underneath Fowl Manor, Higher Tunnel # F904, ludhan 3**

Artemis Fowl took a long, shuddering breath and set the baby monitor down in front of him. He had frozen when the voices crackled over the speaker and listened to Jon Spiro's whole speech without, apparently, breathing. He had turned his face bleakly upward several times, to the hole to his sister that was, unfortunately, twnety feet above his head. The fairies had heard, too, after a hissed explanation as to what a baby monitor was from Foaly, who had also hijacked the signal so that Jon Spiro's voice from Holly's nursery came through crystal clear in the Ops Booth. Holly tore her eyes off the innocent-looking blue plastic walkie-talkie and took a look at the face of Artemis. Her old foe. Her old friend. He sure was preoccupied about his little sister. Artemis didn't appear to have acknowledged that a fairy from his past was standing right across the _ludhan_. (see footnote one)

----------------**Fowl Manor**

Tawny got over the Fowl Manor wall, a nearly impossible task considering Butler's security measures. He'd been training her in break-in procedures using this wall, however, so she was familiar with it and was able to avoid the tripwires, barbed wire, and steel spikes. It helped that a combination of the rain and a crooked businessman had shorted out a faulty patch of circuitry; otherwise she would definitely have triggered an alarm. Tawny checked her phone. The signal was still out.

Just as Patient D208 made her way across the sodden lawn to the massive oak front doors, Jon Spiro and his cronies were departing from the rear in a series of black cars. She neither saw them nor heard the engines over the rain and thunder as they sped off into the night. Back to the airport, each wheel revolution taking Holly Valentine Angeline Juliet Fowl farther and farther away from her home. By the time Tawny had entered the manor and ascertained that there was nobody, _nobody_ left inside, they were already well on their way to the airport. She sighed, blew her hair out of her eyes, and tried to think clearly without focusing on the dwindling time she had left before hospital personnel came looking for her. Though, she was pretty sure they couldn't just break and enter a private residence without a warrant. So maybe she did have some time. Tawny was worried. Very worried. Not only was Artemis nowhere to be seen, but Baby Holly was gone, too.

He was gone. She had failed.

Spiro hadn't shot Artemis like Jen had said he would, but he had definitely kidnapped him with murderous intentions. Even as Tawny tried to marshal her thoughts-he might still be alive-she started to shake all over. The girl had been pushing away her anger, anxiety, frustration, desperation and overwhelming fear since Jen's phone call and Dr. Litton's attack so that she could do her job. _Passion is the enemy of efficiency. _The emotions suddenly came back to hit her with the force of a hammer blow. Tawny was trembling like a leaf in a storm. Like a forsaken little girl who'd just lost her best friend.

Suddenly, a muffled yet furious barking met her ears. Tawny looked up abruptly. Wolf? It was coming from the cellar. She forced open the locked door, ran down the stairs, and found him whining and frantically scratching at a hole in the corner. Tawny sucked in her breath with an involuntary gasp as she looked at the tunnel opening. No. No, she was clutching at straws. No way…

----------**Higher Tunnel # F904, ludhan 3**

A rope slithered down from the ceiling, and a girl climbed down, dropping heavily next to the pale teenage boy sitting on top of some rubble. He turned his face towards her.

"Tawny?" Tawny's eyes were widened in shock. She looked up at the hole she'd just come through. When she spoke, it was as though she hadn't heard him.

"Artemis. You're alive." The words came out more wooden and flatter than a hardwood floor. You'd never have guessed there were silent tears pouring down Tawny's face as she said them. Artemis seemed to be pretending he couldn't see them for the time being.What he was actually doing was straining to focus on her voice.

_Any Russian inflection? Could she be Mafia? Is this all a trap? _

_Stop it, man, this is about your sister! Honestly...the girl has a name that sounds slightly like that of a hit man's and you find one grainy photo and suddenly you're doubting the loyalty of Tawny, who practically considers it her sworn duty to do Butler's job. Even if she was Mafiya at one point... _

**People change**. The phrase resonated around his head until he got the feeling it was something he'd said in the past, sort of a micro-flash

This tortured train of thought was interrupted by the very girl at it's center.

"Oh, looky…elves." Tawny didn't sound remotely happy. In fact, for the first time...since, well, _ever_ there was a bit of an actual whimper in her voice. "There's elves here. I think the same ones from Paris. Pointy ears, helmets, green suits, the whole shebang." Tawny looked at the ceiling, not overeager to pursue the elf topic. "What did it?" she asked, in a voice that for the first time at least echoed her normal one.

"Sonic grenade. Tawny, Jon Spiro-"

"You know about that? But-but then, why are you down here?"

"Well, obviously I know about it _now_. I didn't when I came down here. I heard the whole thing on the baby monitor." Tawny's face softened.

"That must have been-"She paused. He was looking at his watch.

"Isn't it working?" Artemis shook his wrist.

"Hm? No, it's-it's fine." He still looked distracted.

"Ah-yes. It was." Tawny blinked. He hadn't even known what she was going to say it must have been. Never mind that, what's happened to my sister? In addition to that, what does Jon Spiro have against _me?_"

Trouble looked over at Holly. She was gritting her teeth.

"I knew we shouldn't have done this. You can't just _erase_ all those years. The memories, yes."

"Oh, _great_." Root was sarcastic. It was better than yelling, but not by much. "Now we're going to have to do something about them both. Fowl saw _you_, Short, so your badge will probably be in my drawer before the hour is out, and now this girl's going to be wondering why there's a fully lit and operational system of tunnels down here. Plus, Mr. Foaly says he'd like to examine her schizophrenic condition more closely."

Tawny slumped down next to Artemis.

"So, what do you think we should do?" Artemis gave her a strange look. Well, not _strange, _really, but there was something not-quite-right about it. The hair on the back of her neck prickled.

"Artemis. Artemis, look at me."

"I am."

"No, you're not. What are you looking at?" Tawny's voice was getting slightly hysterical. Shock, Artemis guessed. He laid a hand on her arm.

"Tawny?"

"You're _still_ not-"

"Tawny," said Artemis clearly, "Is my watch on?" He pressed the backlight button.

"Wha-yeah, it is." Artemis smiled, but there was no amusement in it.

"Ah. I was afraid of that. Tawny," he said, still speaking slowly and calmly, "When I fell, I must have hit my head. I can't see anything."

"You're _blind?_" Yes, that's definitely shock, thought Artemis. If it hadn't been before, it was now.

"Hopefully only temporarily. I may have merely disturbed the jelly in my eyes, in which case, it will revert back to normal. I think that is the case. If so, I should begin noticing stars around the corners of my eyes in a little while. I wouldn't worry, Tawny," he added. Tawny opened her mouth. The she shut it abruptly, with a shudder, and grabbed her leg.

"Cramp?" Artemis asked, turning his face towards her. Tawny gave him a weird look.

"You _sure _you can't see anything?" His return glance was all the answer she needed. Just because he couldn't see anything didn't mean Artemis planned to suddenly start acting helpless.

"Tawny, did you run all the way here?" Artemis's tone was suddenly far more like that of a parent. Tawny nodded.

"Get up and walk around. You've got to circulate the lactic acid buildup." There was a pause.

"How was your time?"

"Half an hour."

"For four miles?"

"Yes."

He didn't bother to ask if she'd taken any breaks. Tawny was not a 'breaks' kind of person. Not while the Principal was in trouble.

"That's your best yet."

"I know."

Holly saw every one of Tawny's muscles, including the hurting ones in her legs, bunch up as she approached the side of the _ludhan_ where the fairies were. She kept her eyes on the ground, hobbling back and forth, working the kinks out of her leg.

Nobody was saying anything about how maybe Holly wouldn't be fired now. All four fairies' brains were busy grappling with how a human girl could be talking about seeing fairies. Human adolescents being able to see the elves was seldom a recipe for peaceful, boring work and leisurely coffee breaks. Recipe for early retirement, more like, at least if Artemis Fowl was anything to go by. Coffee would be involved as well, either way, but in the second scenario there would be at least five times the normal amount, but with no coffee breaks. The LEP weren't 'break' people, either. Not when it came to protecting their existence. Slowly, slowly, Tawny raised her head as she paused at the far side. She looked Holly straight in the eyes.

_She's seeing me,_ thought Holly, part of her utterly rejecting the fact. What almost surprised her more was the sheer, raw anger that was in the girl's eyes. It was focused outrage, narrowed to the intensity of a laser beam. There was no hatred there, which was a little surprising.

Tawny didn't do anything. Apart from the bottomless resentment in her eyes, she just stood there, staring at them. The anger faded astonishingly fast. Tawny stretched out a hand towards Holly's helmet. Slowly, slowly, almost dreamily, she reached a finger towards the surface of the elf's visor.

That's odd, thought Tawny. The inside of me feels like it's about to explode, but my body, including my hand, is perfectly steady.

Well. I guess that's good.

Holly's brain was going at a million miles a minute, calculating every possible way to stop the Mud Girl from touching her helmet. She was willing to bet this was as close as the girl had ever gotten to a fairy. No doubt Tawny wanted to know if the nonexistent 'schizophrenia' would make her feel these strange creatures, too. Unfortunately, oit doubtless would, and Holly and Trouble's backs were to the wall. They could probably have used the Neutrinos, but fortunately for Tawny, Artemis Fowl took that moment to speak.

"Ugh, what _is_ that horrible smell?" Tawny whirled around, dreaminess gone, fingers no longer less then two inches from Holly. She bit back a scream.

Her Principal was standing, unblinkingly-_because he couldn't **see anything**, Tawny you complete **idiot,**_she thought- less than two feet from a hideously large specimen of deep-tunnel bull troll. It was gazing down at him almost curiously. No wonder the boy was wrinkling his nose. The animal had the charachteristic troll odor of an open sewer.

Tawny let out a longstring of vaguely Russian syllables. They had the same approximate meaning as 'D'Arvit'.

-----------FOOTNOTES

Footnote 1: The _ludhan_ is something that, you may recall, I made up and defined in Chapter 18 as "where a tunnel widened, becoming perhaps a hundred yards wide before narrowing again. They the _ludhan_ were a dwarfen modification for when fairies needed room to stand around, communicate, and sift ore. The word _ludhan_ literally meant seeing-place, in reference to the increased visibility."

To all my readers and reviewers, I love you guys.  
The floor remains in such a molten state that I am seriously considering renaming this story "The Floor is Lava";

Silverfingers

P.S. REVIEW!


	19. Up and Over

Well, here's another update. It is horrendously late. With it, allow me to deliver a lame excuse:  
LAME EXCUSE: I, um...had writers block. No, really, I was seriously stuck. If I EVER allow myself to be stuck for that long again, rest assured I will beat myself senseless with a rubber haddock.

ALSO, I **_WOULD_** have updated sooner, but ff.n found my story "People in Glass Offices Shouldn't Race Stretchers". It was written mostly in script format. Apparently, that's not writing. Exactly what script format is, I intend to find out, because apparently, it doesn't count as writing. For a full account of my ticked-offedness, go to my profile page.

Anyways, they locked my account for a week and I couldn't put this up even though I wanted to, but it's here now. Cheers!

Disclaimer: Artemis Fowl is not mine. If it was, trust me, I would not have killed off you-know-who in the Opal Deception.

Random Quote of the Day is from the show House, M.D.:  
Dr. Cuddy: How do you even know about him? You don't have access to the hospital's mainframe.  
Dr. House: No, but "partypants" does.  
Dr. Cuddy: You stole my password?  
Dr. House: It was kind of obvious.

**The tunnel, underneath Fowl Manor**

"Artemis," said Tawny as calmly as she could. The boy was staring at her, serenely bewildered, while a drop of venom from the troll's tusks glistened above his head.

"Stick out your hand. Feel the rope? Climb up the rope." Artemis felt for the rope that Tawny had used to descend to the ludhan, but did not climb it. Maybe he detected the stress in her voice, trying though she was to keep it out so the temporarily blinded genius wouldn't suspect anything was amiss. Holly watched, fascinated. Tawny's voice sounded normal enough, but her face was a mask of sheer terror. You almost thought there was a ventriloquist hiding somewhere. Artemis still was not climbing.

"Tawny? I will not go until you-"

"ARTEMIS, NOW!" He blinked. Now she's done it, thought Holly sympathetically, reaching for her troll blaster (one of Foaly's latest inventions, specially designed to combat trolls). Artemis is always shocked when people dare to yell at him He won't move a toe now, and that troll is going to eat him while he says 'Excuse me?'.

This made Holly all the more amazed when he turned, tugged the rope, and said almost nonchalantly, "Very well. Coming?"

Gods, thought Trouble. You'd think he was asking her out for a walk. Tawny took a deep breath, and he was surprised to see the terror significantly diminished, being replaced with a grim sort of determination as she gazed past the troll to her Principal.

I don't know why she seems even a little relieved, thought Captain Kelp. She's still got to get past the troll before she can climb up. And that's not even considering the fact that this is _Artemis Fowl _we're talking about here. Arms like twigs. He can't climb that rope.

Artemis turned, gritting his teeth, and started to climb the rope. Holly stared in slack-jawed amazement as, hand over hand, without using his legs at all, the Mud boy's biceps strained as he climbed. He reached the top of the hole as the troll stared at Tawny, distracted by her shout. It started to growl. In response, Tawny settled into a martial arts crouch.

_Get ready._

"Tawny? You coming?" Artemis's voice emanated from the hole.

"In a minute, Artemis." Tawny looked like a toothpick next to the powerful troll. She _was_ a toothpick, and she knew it. A grin spread over her face. It was the sort of grin that would make you worry if you were her enemy, worry more if she was your friend, and make you back off several steps if she was next to you on the subway. You could completely believe that the owner of such a grin had recently broken out of a mental institution. Nobody should be grinning when facing a troll.

**Later**

Holly and Trouble stared up the hole. They had toppled the creature with a few powerful blasts from their troll Neutrinos. The easiest Recon Holly had ever done; definitely easier than the disastrous Martina Franca she was still living down.

"Well. I've never seen Artemis take an order that well."

"He climbed that rope really fast."

"Tawny did sort of scream it."

"Did you see the way she got past that troll?"

"Funny how she didn't use the ground."

"Short," said Root in their helmets. "Follow him." Holly blinked.

"What?"

"You heard me, Short. Pretending to be blind is exactly the sort of thing Fowl would do to get us off the scent. I want you to follow him."

"Commander, I'll go."

"Negative, Captain Kelp. You never had permission to enter that house. Short did and does, as she proved last time. And if she suddenly does start filling the vase,(footnote 1)we can take it as a sign Fowl got enough of his memory back to take back the invite sometime recently. And try to stay out of that Mud Girl's line of sight."

Holly's heart was pounding. "Yessir."

"That's a direct order, Short."

**Fowl Manor**

Artemis awkwardly laid an arm across Tawny's trembling shoulders. They were sitting on the first step of the grand staircase; the entrance to the wine cellar was a few steps away. Wolf whined at Artemis's other side.

"Quiet, boy-Tawny? Are you okay?" She nodded. He knew because he felt the vibration travel through her frame.

"Perhaps now you would care to explain why it was necessary for me to go up the rope so fast? And why that request merited a banshee shriek?" She smiled at him. It was different from the suicidal grin. This was the strained smile of someone who's had a long night.

"You're giving me the smile that says you're about to snap, aren't you." It was a statement. "Well, I understand that you're tired and upset, but we can save Holly-"

She pulled away. "How are your eyes?" He smiled reassuringly.

"I'm seeing stars. I should be back to normal with minimal damage in a matter of minutes."

"That's good."

"Tawny, how did you know what was going on here? How were you warned in time?"

"Jen called me. She was frantic. And-" She stopped.

"There's something else, isn't there? Tawny?" The girl pulled a syringe out of her pocket. The needle had been snapped off so it wouldn't puncture her as she ran.

"Can you tell me what's in this?" Artemis carefully sniffed and shook it.

"What color is the liquid?"

"It's clear."

"My first guess from the smell would be gorilla tranquilizer. Where did you get this?" Tawny started to speak but was cut off.

"_Did someone attempt to inject you with this?"_

"Um-yeah-Dr. Litton."

"**_Litton?" _**Artemis stared at the syringe for a minute. Tawny had no idea what he was thinking, and was too drained to even try and figure it out. Finally he spoke, shaking his head.

"I'm sorry, Tawny." Tawny was startled. "I thought that would be the best place for you, I had no idea that Litton would-"

"Hey, Artemis, no big deal, right? I mean, it's just-"

"Gorilla tranquilizer, Tawny. Enough of it to kill you and cause permanent brain damage at the least. He may not have intended to inject you with all of it, but I highly doubt that."

"Yeah. Um. He smelled like vodka and sodium pentathol."

"I forgot. Butler had been training you to recognize the scent."

"Why truth serum?"

"Despite all the Hollywood dramas you have seen, sodium pentathol is not some miracle truth drug. It loosens the tongue of a person to about the degree that a few glasses of alcohol would. My guess is that Spiro poured Litton a drink laced with some of it, to ensure that the man's few remaining shards of conscience would not prevent him from killing you." (footnote 3)

_Someone actually tried to kill me. For real, not just a training exercise. _Tawny did her best to push the thought out of her head, though she felt goose bumps break out along her skin. Not important. Artemis. Someone is trying to kill the Principal's sister. But something nagged. It wasn't right.

"Artemis. Why would Jon Spiro, of all random people, have any reason to hurt you?" Artemis shook his head slowly at the floor.

"I can't-I don't know." She grabbed him by the lapels, jerking his head to face hers.

"Artemis. He obviously does. Think."

"No. Nothing. I can't remember." Even without the peculiar emphasis on _remember, _Tawny could see it in his eyes. He wasn't lying. What she saw instead did not look good on Artemis. It was almost worse than lying-bewildered, hurt confusion. He blinked, trying to see her, trying to mask his uncertainty and fear.

Feet above their heads, hidden in shadows, Holly Short could see it, too. Fear she had seen flickerings of before, but confusion was totally alien on the boy's pale features. And she could tell that underneath, he didn't like it one bit either.

"I must have done something once but…I forgot." Artemis's voice broke just a little. So did Holly's heart.

They sat there for a second, Tawny looking concerned and exhausted, Artemis staring at the floor between his feet some more, the floating fairy having a silent internal struggle. Suddenly Artemis stood up.

"All right, Tawny. Time to go get in the Lear. It's fueled up round the clock, correct?" She nodded, surprised.

"Where-"

"Chicago."

"You have a plan _already_?" she demanded, skeptically. Artemis's expression was hardened. He started to head for the door.

"No. I'll think of one on the ride." Tawny's brain screamed at her. This was bad.

"What if you can't-or you find out you need something from the manor?" He turned and sighed.

"Tawny, this is my _sister._ The man has my _sister _you want me to _wait_?"

"Artemis, you are my _Principal._ The man is using Holly to get to you and you want to go _now?" _She folded her arms. "Before you even have a_ plan?"_

The fair-haired girl and blue-eyed boy stared at each other for awhile. The air between the two almost crackled with electricity as Holly watched, too sick with worry to be fascinated. Eventually Artemis silently won and they both headed for the door to the manor, Tawny running to catch up with him when he walked into a pillar. He rebounded and blinked.

"It's getting better. I almost saw that."

"You sure you're going to be able to fly this bird?" She grabbed his elbow. "Watch out for the armor."

"Ha ha," he said humorlessly. "Yes. It has quite a sophisticated autopilot system and besides, I can operate every vehicle my family owns."

"You can't drive the cars."

"Not _legally_." His voice was perfectly steady. The meaningless banter was calming Artemis, or perhaps he had merely been concussed.

He stopped at the door and tapped in a code to set the manor security system, fingers automatically finding the numbers on the touchpad. With a sigh, Holly flew out with them, stopping at the entrance to the Lear and ducking under a bush to avoid Tawny's suspicious glare.

"Commander, I'm going to get seen if I go on that aircraft."

"Fly underneath it."

"That's-"

"Short, surely _you_, _now,_ are not starting a quibble over _regulations._ I said fly under!"

**The Spiro Needle, Chicago, U.S.A.**

Jen huddled on her bed, managing the difficult feat of looking simultaneously angry and defeated. Jon Spiro wasn't back yet. Suddenly, her cell rang. She yelped, and then grabbed it.

"Jen?" Came the tired voice at the other end. Jen was so relieved that her uncle hadn't killed him that she had a spasm where she gasped, bit her knuckles, bounced on the bed and nearly fell off it, all in the space of a second.

It was Artemis. He wasn't dead! Unless Jon had kidnapped him. She tapped keys on her open laptop, which she was using to track Uncle Jon's progress. Hmm. If Artemis was calling her, he couldn't be with Jon on a plane over the Atlantic.

"Are-are you OK?"

"No," he answered. Jen bit her nails. Tawny's voice emanated from the background. "He's fine, Jen."

"No. I am not," Artemis insisted.

"What's the matter?"

"Your uncle kidnapped my sister." Jen shivered. Artemis's voice was cold, but it was the coldness you get when you freeze a large chunk of fury and save it for later.

"Your _sister?_ But-no-Artemis, I swear I thought he was just after you."

"He is."

"Can I-"

"Talk to Tawny," he interrupted. Tawny took the phone and in the silence before she began to speak, Jen heard the footsteps of someone in Armani loafers walking away on the other end. She sighed and leaned back against the wall. Her hair, half of which was dwarfen antennae, fanned out along the wall, unconsciously probing. (footnote 2) She didn't notice.

"Where _are_ you guys?"

Tawny sighed in a rush of static. "On the Lear."

"Who's flying?"

"Artemis and the autopilot."

"How'd you get ground permission for _that?_"

"I told Radio Control I was piloting. It's harder to distinguish between adult and child with female voices, since they don't change. People always told me I sounded like my mom, at any rate. They thought I was Elsie."

"Elsie?"

"She and Jimmy are the Fowl's normal pilots."

"Artemis seems a little-"

"Oh, he's just grumpy because he's blind. And tired. And, of course, his sister's been kidnapped and he doesn't know why. And I think it bothers him that my doctor tried to kill me." Jen sat bolt upright.

"**_What?"_**

"Oh, Jen-really, it's fine. What we should be worrying about is Artemis. It seems like he even trusts me less." Jen found her voice. Tawny was so weird.

"Tawny, enough about freakin' Artemis! Somebody just tried to kill you!"

"Yeah. Operative word: _me_. If there's one thing Butler's taught me, it's that anybody trying to hurt the Principal is more important than somebody trying to kill you. And hurting Artemis is Jon's ulterior motive. What do you know about him?" Jen took a deep breath, but got cut short by Tawny on the other end.

"Wait-Artemis, is this line secure? You're right, I suppose it hardly matters now-but-oh, all right. Jen, Artemis says if your line isn't secure he doesn't want Spiro knowing how much we know, and also I need to help him pilot. Stay in touch." She hung up. The knot of fear tightened in Jen's gut. She tried to calm herself down by taking a few Pilates breaths. She ran her fingers through her hair, and then turned around with a puzzled expression. It was still fanned out on the wall behind her. And some of it was _moving._ She bit back a scream and jerked upright. Her hair fell docile across her shoulder. She grabbed a lock of it.

"Now _stop that._" The hair curled, as dwarf hair does in the presence of hostility or, as some superstitious dwarfs believe, when something bad is about to happen. If Mulch had been there, he would have explained this and told her to trust it.

FOOTNOTES:

1. 'Filling the vase'- LEP slang for barfing inside your helmet. No, I swear. It was in TOD.

2. Dwarfen antennae-it says in the EC that Mulch's beard was actually a network of antennae that he could use to probe for vibrations, yummy beetles, whatever. Since Jen is half-dwarf with no facial hair, I have decided that her regular hair shall be her antennae. Since she is only half-dwarf, I might decide that only half of her hair is capable of motion, but we have to admit that if all of it could spread out and probe it creates a waay cooler visual image.

3. That is the actual, true-life description of sodium pentathol.

Hate it? Love it? Want to tell me your favorite part? Want to tell me you least favorite part? Want to beat me senseless with aforementioned rubber haddock? Want to compliment me on my use of the word 'aforementioned', even though it wasn't technically in the chappie?

Oh, and many thanks to my wonderfully obliging beta, lilacpurple. She would like me to inform y'all that she will beta anything by anyone if they are feeling insecure about their chapter in any way. Or even if they just want a human spell-checker.

**REVIEW! **

And all your wildest dreams will come true.

The floor is lava,  
Silverfingers


	20. Traitor?

I am a horrible, horrible person. I know I said I wouldn't do this to you again...I speak, of course, of the horrible LAPSE between this chappie and the last one. TO MAKE UP FOR IT this is a lovely long chappie and I think the end of it was some of my better work. Seriously, this thing took forever to write except for the very end, which just sort of _came_ to me. The rest of it was boring stuff that had to be written exactly right or else I felt I'd mess the story up and I dunno, it just took me awhile.

EVEN THOUGH I DON'T DESERVE IT...I am at 187 reveiws, guys. One hundred eighty-seven. And I dearly love you all and I would love you EVENMORE if you could find it in your hearts to push me over to 200. Seriously. You have no idea how much I would looooooove that...and of course next chappie I would go thrpuighy and personally thank you alll...doesn't that sound good? 13 more reveiwers...we can do it!

And now, your beloved, Random Quote:  
"This is insane. And I say this as your friend, not one of the demon voices that guides you." -_Will and Grace_ (I don't actually watch it, I was channelsurfing)

-------------------------------------------

A jet screamed across the sky. The boy in the cockpit brushed his hair irritably out of his eyes and stared blankly out of the windshield. He was thinking.

It is often said when a person thinks hard that their wheels are turning. If a normal person uses clockwork to think, then this boy was different. Artemis's wheels didn't turn. His microchips sparked.

He needed a _plan.  
_Artemis was too young to have his sister kidnapped, too young to not be able to remember the last time he slept, and much too young to be on his second bodyguard, especially one who wasn't technically a bodyguard yet. Of course, Artemis considered himself more or less infinitely older than half the people he dealt with, and never thought he was too young to do anything, and so wasn't thinking about all this. He did know that legally he was too young to fly a plane, but he was ignoring that anyways.

The girl next to him apparently napping wasn't really fully resting, being far too worried for actual rejuvenating sleep. Some tough girls look disarmingly gentle when they're asleep, but this one just looked grumpy. She was in a sort of disgruntled half-catnap that would likely leave her more tired than when she woke, but her sensei had impressed upon her the need to be adequately rested in crisis situations, so she was darn well going to sleep. The expression on her face was a bit frightening.

Artemis looked over at Tawny. He didn't think he was too young to die at the hands of a crazed megalomaniac, but he really hoped she was. The boy felt like a spider that has been spinning a web, only to find it all had gone wrong somewhere and was collapsing, pulling him down. He knew that there was a snarl in the web, something that in a breathtakingly simple way would fix the whole thing. So easy! The really infuriating thing was that _he couldn't remember where it was._

Artemis got up quietly, so as not to wake Tawny (although from the look on her slumbering features he would be doing her a favor), and walked out of the cockpit. Tawny awoke anyway to the noise of retching. The door slid back again and Artemis Fowl came out, wiping his mouth. He sat back down with a look that clearly stated he would prefer not talking about anything at all just now, thank you.

Tawny's mother had been a fortune teller on the side of her real job as a paralegal. Tarot cards, tea leaves, the whole shebang, although she refused crystal balls on the general principle that she couldn't talk to the dead and wasn't going to try and fool honest people into thinking she did. She had not really liked it and an a halfhearted sort of way she didn't burn anything smoky, never talked about mystic forces, and wore a gray business suit instead of flowing robes. But part of it intrigued her, and so she hadn't given it up. There had, after all, been other ways of making money…Funnily enough, she had a reputation as the best mystic in the city, although some people who came felt vaguely as though they hadn't gotten the whole experience.  
Palm readings, though, she liked. The trick, she'd told Tawny, was not to read their hands, but their faces. Clothes, shoes, and attitude could tell you more than a fused lifeline ever could, and the eighty percent you got right pretty much obscured the twenty percent you were liable to get wrong. It meant you had to be really good at getting the measure of people as they came through the door, because once they sat they expected you to be staring at their hands. Although hands held a wealth of information, too…rings, scars, bitten or manicured or recently manicured or broken nails, skin callused or smooth or chapped…Tawny had never been able to get the knack of reading people. She'd thought it was too much like judging based on their appearance, something that was wrong. Now that she was older and had been taught the importance of getting the measure of people, she'd caught herself trying it on strangers occasionally. She'd tried it on Artemis once, the first time she met him, but had been unable to get past what everyone else saw- that even in jeans, here was someone who projected unruffled wealth. After getting to know him, she took that as proof of how wrong her mother's process could be.  
She'd never bothered again, because he'd been such a fortress of guarded emotions. You never looked very hard at the faces of your friends in any case. I wonder, thought Tawny, if I'd be able to see anything else now that I know him. Looking slantways at her friend, she scrutinized the way he held the control joystick, the crow's feet around his eyes, and his eyes themselves-the way they were constantly moving, checking instruments, reading screens. The way you could follow his eyes, but could only guess at a minute fraction of his thought processes. You were just scratching the iceberg with whatever you could read from him. Nevertheless, Tawny tried.

My goodness, she thought. He's old.

Artemis turned his head and stared back at her.

"Tawny?"

"Yes?"

"Why are you staring at me?"

"My mother was a fortune teller," she said, like that was any kind of explanation. If she hadn't been looking, she wouldn't have seen a spark light in his hollow eyes at the words _my mother_.

"Really?" He sounded a little eager but beyond that his voice was unreadable. "What was…what was she like?"

"She was a little like you, I guess." Both eyebrows went up. Way up. He hadn't been expecting that.

"She wasn't a rocket scientist, not like you, I mean, but she was smart in other ways. She understood things that didn't make sense to me, ever. You couldn't fool her, either, at least not about little things. Maybe it was just me, but she always seemed like the one you noticed right away when she walked into the room, because if you didn't, and she wanted to be seen, she made _sure_ you noticed. Other times she couldn't help it. And she loved chess."

"You're using the past tense." Tawny swallowed.

"I guess…I haven't seen her in so long." Artemis let a silence fall for a moment and then, not entirely sure he should push it, asked, "Why did she tell fortunes?"

"She was curious about people. And she liked being able to do it without all the mystic mumbo jumbo. It did seem like she liked it better than her other job, which was good, because I don't think otherwise we would have been able to pay the bills." Tawny stared resolutely out the cockpit window as the Chicago airport radioed in a mid-flight checkup.

"Roger that, Chicago," she said suddenly in the smooth, confident, completely impersonated voice of a pilot, "we are due for arrival at twenty-three hundred hours, this is Foxtrot-Oscar-Whiskey-Lima zero-zero-seven from Ireland pilot and two passengers, how are landing conditions there?"

Artemis looked over at her. _So…Mikaela_, he thought, trying to pair up the unfamiliar name with his friend. _It would seem that your father wasn't there with the two of you, perhaps because of a divorce? But surely Britva wouldn't have minded stepping in to pay the bills? He seemed to be quite friendly…_

_Stop this. Tawny is your friend._

_Is she?_

She couldn't be Mafiya; it couldn't be true. He didn't want it to be true. But then again, he hadn't wanted his father's kidnapping to be true, either. His mother in particular hadn't wanted it to be true to such an extent that she persuaded herself it wasn't…

Another, quite small part of him was musing, _always the one you notice right away when they walk into a room? That's …interesting, I suppose. _

The jet continued in its flight, nosing through the clouds.

--------------------------------

Artemis and Tawny got into a cab, Tawny getting worried. Other than the impossibility of determining whether a cab driver was going to betray you and kidnap the Principal, it was bothering her that Artemis hadn't said much, other than the few tight moments at the airport when they had to explain why the pilots would be staying on the plane.

_That cabbie looks suspicious. If Butler was here, the floor would be lava for the next month, just as punishment for this. You do not take cabs! Ever! You don't even have chauffeurs if you can help it…_

_I don't have a plan. But how can I ever face either of my parents again if I don't try to save Val? How will I ever face anybody, including, I rather suspect, myself, if I kill Tawny?_

The driver looked back at the kids. Normally the man wasn't Mr. Chatty Cabbie, but he was getting nervous. The way the girl was glaring at him in the rearview mirror was freaking him out. He adjusted it so he couldn't see her eyes, and instead found himself staring at the expression on the boy's face, which was worse. Way worse. He hurriedly swatted the mirror so that he couldn't see either of them, although he'd gladly take the girl's glowering as long as it meant he didn't have to look at the other kid. That boy looked dead.  
No, actually, he didn't. The cabbie had known dead people to look at least vaguely peaceful.

The girl muttered something like "hands where I can see 'em, mister." Josef relaxed a smidgeon. Ah. Familiar territory.

"So, you two on a date?"

The boy didn't hear. He was still gazing out the window, with that _expression_. The girl's eyes narrowed.

"Ah. All right then. I'll just drive the cab. Just drive the cab. Got it." He put his foot on the accelerator a little more.

------------------------------------

Pearson's combination sensor went off. Jon turned around, annoyed. The kidnapping party was just making their way through the Needle, up to Spiro's personal quarters. Carla, carrying the baby, had just gone through the detector when it went off. She looked at him, surprised.

"I'm not carrying any guns or knives, Mr. Spiro." He sighed and drummed his fingers on his cane.

"Well then, my dear, what do you suppose set it off? The baby? Just continue on through. Computer nerds, you can't trust a single one of them, or any of their stuff." Carla shrugged and did as he said. Carla would never have allowed such a thing to go normally, but the boss was the boss. She filed it away, though, to think about later. Carla didn't like irregularities. No bodyguard should. They pointed to deeper problems.

-----------------------

The cabbie was sweating as he let them off outside the nearest Starbucks. The only word the boy had said as to the destination was 'a Starbucks near the Needle'. Thank goodness there were so many. Josef suspected they bred.

Jen stared outside. Although it was a chilly night and she kept her room air-conditioned, a bead of sweat dripped off the end of her nose. That was it. She couldn't take it. She was leaving. Get out of the Needle, wander the streets with her cell phone. She'd be more help to Artemis and Tawny out there. She crossed her fingers and stepped out into the hallway.

Luck is untrustworthy, Jen soon learned. No sooner had she set foot outside her room then Uncle Jon, Carla, and a bunch of other men came up the hallway. Carla made a valiant attempt to conceal the green-and-pink diaper bag but could do nothing about the actual baby. Uncle Jon looked over at Jen.

"Where are you going?" Maybe she was being unnecessarily paranoid, but he sounded hostile. Had she never noticed that about her uncle before? Had she been so blind?

"Nowhere. Just wanted to say hi." She forced her voice to sound blithe. "Haven't seen you in awhile, Uncle Jon." Her throat was dry but her hands were sweating-how did Artemis _do_ it? There was a flicker of disbelief and annoyance, but suddenly the benevolent-old-guy demeanor was back. He kissed the top of her head. Inwardly, she shuddered. "It's good to see you too, Jenny. Now, why don't you run along back to your room? I have business with these men tonight."

"Okay." One foot in her room, Jen couldn't resist.

"What's with the baby, Miss Carla?" Carla blanched.

"It's…my niece. My sister's in town."

"Oh. Ok. See you guys tomorrow, then." Once in her room, Jen took a deep breath. To the casual observer, she was trapped. That is, the casual human observer.

_There's no way out._

_There is one way…_

_No! No way out. That was a hallucination! For once in your life you are normal. Even thinking…it… might have been real not only trashes all the psychological growth you've experienced since you were five, but also proves you certifiably insane._

_Tawny's certifiably insane. Speaking of Tawny…_

Jen had always sort if admired the way Tawny always seemed to know what she was doing, although admittedly Tawny's priorities were a little scrambled.  
_WWTD? What would Tawny do?_

"I wonder if I can eat through Sheetrock?" Jen remarked aloud to nobody in particular.

------------------------------------

"It's big."

They were in a nearby park, having left the Starbucks as soon as the cabby was out of sight. Holly hovering invisible some distance above. Tawny's peace of mind was maintained by the Illinois fog that obscured the fairy.

Artemis did not answer. The mist condensed on his face, trickling down his forehead and into his eyes as he stared up at the Needle. He wasn't blinking. Tawny worried.

"You sure you've scaled it before?" Artemis took a deep breath.

"Butler, sometimes I'm not sure of anything anymore."

There was a pause.

"Tawny. My name is Tawny." Artemis blinked.

"Well, maybe if you wore a nametag…"

"Uh-oh," muttered Holly.

"What 'uh-oh'? Don't give me that, Short," warned Root in her ear.

"Nametag. Fowl said that to me during the siege." This was bad. Mind-wiped, Artemis was proving almost more trouble than when he wasn't, if that was even possible. Root sort of missed the bad old days. Fowl would double-cross you any chance he got, but you knew that, and he knew you knew that. And sometimes he would get the chance, but wouldn't. When that happened you didn't know why and Artemis himself was a bit surprised, but it was a chance for the LEP to breathe a big sigh of relief and shout at people from the Psych Brotherhood who had predicted the opposite.

Holly heard Root's pre-shouting inhale and braced herself. But as soon as the yell came she knew there was something wrong. First, instead of a shouted, irate, high-decibel, 'everybody-stop-being-an-idiot-_now_' yell, it was a somehow quiet, wordless cry of anguish. And second, it was coming not from Root, but from Artemis Fowl. The boy was making intermittent cries that sounded like something was tearing him in two.

It took Holly a second or two to register this. She swooped lower, hovering just above Artemis and Tawny. Artemis was clutching his head. Tawny had an expression even Foaly, who'd spent hours analyzing her, had never seen: fear. They had seen anger and worry, yes, but fear on Tawny was new.

"Artemis? Artemis, can you hear me? What's my name?" She spoke clearly and firmly. Artemis, eyes closed, hunched in on himself, hands over his ears. It was like he was trying to curl up while standing. Tawny leaned closer as he bent over.

"It's just a flash. Artemis, can you hear me?" She laid a hand on his shoulder. Artemis's hand moved so quickly Holly barely saw it, barely caught the glint of the streetlight from whatever it was he held in his hand at it moved to Tawny's neck. Tawny herself might have stopped it but caught by surprise saw it too late.

The broken-off stub of the syringe was still sharp enough to puncture skin. Artemis pumped about one-fourth the gorilla tranquilizer into his friend's jugular.

Tawny's jaw dropped. Her hand went to her neck, where drops of blood were dribbling from the ragged puncture wound. Artemis, suddenly upright and calm, pale features that might have been carved in marble for all the expression they showed, wiped the drops with the cuff of his sleeve.

Normally, gorilla tranquilizers cause the unlucky person injected with them to be hit with psychedelic hallucinations before passing out. However, a lifetime of antipsychotics caused Tawny's brain to be affected differently, so that instead she saw the landscape blurring and stretching. Everything was dripping like paint except for Artemis, who remained the sole stationary object in her field of view, the rest of the world suddenly now spinning crazily. She tried to focus on his eyes. His voice. Anything to keep her anchored to the world.

"Tawny, I'm sorry," Artemis said quietly as Tawny started to sway, eyes unfocused. There was no telling whether she could even hear him at this point.

Her eyes rolled up and she fell. Artemis caught her. The marble had cracked; he was biting his lip.

"Believe me, Tawny, I'm sorry. But I'm not killing you, too."

Jen suddenly came pounding up out of the misty Chicago night, flecks of who-knew-what in her dark hair.

"Artemis! Artemis, I-Artemis, what the heck?" She slowed and stopped a few steps away from him, eyes big, hair (although nobody noticed it,) flaring. "What's wrong with Tawny?" Artemis didn't look at her, instead staring at his friend. Jen's brain searched for possibilities.  
"Did you bite her?" Pale boy holding swooning girl with bloody puncture wound on her neck. It was so out of _Dracula_ that horror-movie nut Jen couldn't help it. She was immediately appalled with herself, but it did make Artemis finally blink and look up, a flicker of feeling showing on his face for once, even if it was only visible in a raised eyebrow.

"Pardon me?"

"Um…nothing. I said, what happened to Tawny?"

"I don't know. She passed out and I tried to catch her, but I accidentally scratched her neck." Jen looked at Artemis with suspicion, but his face was enough to allay some of it. It was as though he had allowed the pressure of his emotions to force him to collapse on himself to a point where there was no feeling. You could definitely tell that seeing Tawny like this was hurting him.

The predicaments of Tawny and herself were also sufficient to distract Jen from seeing the very real guilt on Artemis's pasty features. Jen did notice that Artemis's slim frame was having difficulty supporting Tawny and grabbed the comatose girl's other armpit to help. Artemis cleared his throat. She missed his look changing from guilt to something harder than diamond.

"Jen. No doubt you know what your uncle-"

"Yes," said Jen quickly. The force of _her_ guilt was causing her to examine Artemis less closely than she might otherwise have done. "And I have to say that I-"  
Artemis waved a hand to silence her, at the same time slipping out from under Tawny so that Jen was now supporting all her weight. Jen, brain numb with the shock of the whole thing, staggered. Tawny's head lolled and a trickle of saliva froth formed at the corner of her mouth as the potent chemicals surged throughout her brain.

"What I need you to do for me now is keep an eye on Tawny," said Artemis evenly. Jen blinked in surprise and looked up.

"What?" Artemis swallowed and nodded.

"There's a few things I need to do, and I want you to make sure she remains fine. All right?"

"I – what – you -"

"Thank you." Artemis shouldered a bulky bag she hadn't noticed sitting on the ground before and proceeded to walk off quickly and silently in the direction of the Needle. Jen watched him go, unable to form words and in her surprise equally unable to dump Tawny on the ground and chase after the maddening vampire.

"Artemis-wait!" she called to the mist, but received no answer. Thousands of miles below, the silence was echoed in the Ops Booth.

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Thanks to **lilacpurple**, my amazing beta-person, and to TrsakAminawn, who always writes the longest reviews.

Thanks you for reading this. Now if you would be so kind as to...Review! _Reveiw!_ **Review!**

The floor is lava,  
-Silverfingers


	21. Cracking Diamond

Random Quote of the Day:

And I, am glad I didn't know  
The way it all would end, the way it all would go  
Our lives are better left to chance  
I could have missed the pain, but I'd've had to miss the dance  
-Garth Brooks, 'The Dance'

Yes, not updating since Christmas is horrible and I should be duly abused using some sort of fish and we all know that joke will fall flat in 2013 when I post chapter 22. I'm kidding. I hope. Haha. No, sriousl,y I love this story and I love that people are still reaidng iteven 2 books later. PLEASE review and push me over _200 please I've been hovering at 196, 197 for a looooong time _and I'll be HUGELY grateful and update. This chapter is 9 pages long and lots of long-awaited climactic things happen if it makes anybody feel any better about the wait.

ALSO, an early Christmas present for some of you who haven't heard: Artemis Fowl: The Lost Colony is actually out in the UK already and if you want to read a book excerpt go to the UK Arty fansite. For a good book synopsis check out Colfer's site. On with the hideously late chappie!

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"Wow."

"Yeah."

"Julius, what did we do to him?" Root thought this over.

"Looks like we gave him a conscience."

"Looks like we took it away first," interjected Foaly.

"Shut up, civilian," responded Root without much heart. "The important thing is to know where he's going-" The commander's voice faded in Holly's pointy ears. She knew exactly where Artemis was going. "The Needle," she said, silencing the commander midsentence.

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Jen stumbled. Tawny was heavy. She looked back the way Artemis had disappeared, then back at Tawny.

---------------------------

Root was surprised. "Directly to the Needle? Won't he need to go somewhere else to plan?" Holly's heart was speeding up. She didn't know why.

"No," said Foaly slowly. "He's been there. When we erased his mind, we created a time bomb. This past year he's been getting closer and closer to this point, spiraling in on himself."

"He's going to go insane. He knows part of his mind is gone, and something tells him it's inside the Needle." Holly hardly sounded like herself, but she knew she was right. Root shook his head.

--------------------------------

Jen realized that she was going to have to make a choice here. Leave Tawny alone and unconscious on the streets of Chicago, or follow Artemis and help fix what her uncle had done.

----------------

"No, that doesn't mean he-"

"Don't you get it, Commander? Artemis's mind has never let him down before! Never! It's the only thing in the entire world he knows he can depend on! His mother went insane, his father got kidnapped, his bodyguard is mortal, _we_ mindwiped him-he's learned the only thing he can trust is himself! Himself and his mind. He learned that the hard way and now we've taken it from him."

There was another long pause, long enough for reflection on career-ending speeches. Below them, Jen groaned and began to lug Tawny over to a nearby bench.

"Be that as it may, Short," said Root in a tone that clearly meant 'You're going to have an ordered psychological evaluation and then a good shouting at later.' "We need to find him. Now, you and Foaly know him better than the Psych Brotherhood. According to them he should still be at the manor. So if you think Artemis is heading for the Needle, then that's probably where he's going." Holly revved her wings.

"No so fast, hotshot. You can't go in there. Not only is your invite a year old,-"

"My Manor one was three years old," Holly protested. Root ignored her. Jen ran off after Artemis.

"-it also clearly stated that Artemis can bring all the fairy friends he wants. According to Foaly, he would bring you if he knew you existed, but he doesn't."

"Sir, you can bring something along without knowing you have it."

"Yes, but it also says fairy friend. As you have just pointed out to me repeatedly, Short," –did Root sigh, or was it just an exhale?-"we haven't exactly been acting like friends to Little Arty lately. No, he's on his own in the Needle." Holly bit back her retort. Wasn't she his friend? Hadn't she saved his mother, father and bodyguard? Hadn't she-

…_hadn't she been the one_ to mesmerize him before his wipe, made sure there was no way he could hang onto his memories? Holly sagged. Another thought, unpleasant and unwanted, swam up: Root was right. What he was wrong about, had no idea about was how deeply it cut his officer.

"So what should she do, Julius?" Foaly asked.

"Don't call me Julius, civilian." Holly caught sight of Tawny.

"I have an idea about that one, Commander."

"What?...Absolutely not!"

"Think about it, Julius. We were going to mesmerize and wipe her eventually, right? Why not use her first? She knows Artemis. She knows the baby. And the only way we got into the Needle last time was because we had a human on our side."

"Who says we even have to go in here?" said Root, trying to inject some reason into the situation. This didn't sound like Recon jurisdiction to him. What is sounded like was a surefire way to get Holly hurt, killed, or them all fired by the Council. Plus, there was no way the LEP had ever actually _needed_ a _human_ for help, of all things.

"Because Short needs to make sure that a threat to the People does not team up with another dangerous human to become an even greater threat. Also, the last thing we want is Spiro causing some type of recall in Artemis." Holly blinked.

"I was going to say that we should do it because this was sort of our fault."

"Short, as if that would ever hold up in court. 'Why did you undertake such a ridiculous mission?' 'We felt like we were to blame for mindwiping the little monster, Your Honor'-"

"Don't call him that. Fowl wasn't a monster until we were done with him."

"Later, Short." Root was then silent for three whole minutes.

"All right. Wake her up. She'll help us even if she can't get us in."

Holly grabbed the girl and with difficulty lifted her to the top of a skyscraper. Tawny twitched and groaned.

"Here goes, Mud Girl," Holly muttered as she laid her finger on the jagged puncture wound. "Heal."

The sparks sank into the human girl. She began to twitch and jerk uncontrollably, spouting incomprehensible multilingual gibberish. Holly ducked a flailing limb. She could hear Foaly's keyboard tapping in her ear.

"Okay, are we getting any kind of mist off her? Venting toxins?" Holly squinted at the writhing girl. "A little. I can barely see it."

"We should be getting more than that. Give her some more magic, if you can spare it."

"Yeah, I completed the Ritual last Tuesday." Holly gave the girl another shot of sparks. A cloud of venting chemicals rose from her figure and stung Holly's eyes until she was forced to seal her helmet.

"Mud Boy," she growled. "He injected this stuff _into_ her."

Tawny coughed and rolled on her side.

"Give her another shot," Foaly urged. "We need her now." Holly did so. This time Tawny's eyes flickered open.

"Do we have-"

"Shh!" Holly shushed the centaur.

Tawny sat up, eyes wide but not taking in her environment. Her arm went to her neck. A small dent was all that remained of the puncture, but there was still dried blood on her fingertips when she drew her hand away. The girl gazed towards the Spiro Needle, outlined against a garish orange sunset. "I'm gonna kill him," she said blearily to no one.

"Houston, we have a Mud Girl," Holly muttered into her mike. Tawny flicked her hair out of her eyes and looked around the roof with a more professional eye. Then the Mud Girl caught sight of Holly. "Oh, shoot," she breathed and started making a beeline for the roof hatch that led down into the building.

"Stop her, Holly," Foaly said in alarm. Holly took a deep breath and unshielded.

"She can see you anyways."

"Oh. Right."

Inside her head, Tawny was a wordless scream at Artemis, at herself, and at everything currently preventing her from getting to him. Her Principal was somewhere out there, probably dead, and there was nothing she could do.

The fairy in the corner of her eye hesitated, and then retracted its visor. That was new, and it caught Tawny's attention. The fairy paused again, then stopped hovering and sank to the ground. Which was a roof, Tawny noticed. She decided to ignore her hallucination. It only made her want to scream harder, out loud.

Why not? Everythign was ruined anyways. She opened her mouth.

Then it spoke. Another first.

"Hey, kid. Don't even _think_ about it. Last thing I need is more huiman attention." Tawny's eyes went wide and she sat down on a concrete block sticking up from the roof. "Well, that was easy," muttered Holly to Foaly. Tawny buried her head in her hands.

"Okay. Okay. All I need to remember is that you're not real, and I'll be okay." Holly raised her eyebrows.

"On second thoughts, Foaly, this could be harder than I thought."

"Of course it's going to be difficult," Foaly burst out. "This isn't someone who decided all on their own that we existed and that they would try to find us. This is a regular human who doesn't think we exist. If you can convince her, I'll owe you-I'll owe you-"

"So it can be done, if you two are betting. Civilian, you can shut up now. Holly, do you think you can do it?" Root was urgent. Holly thought for a second.

"Yes, Julius, I think I can. Foaly, you'll owe me a case of beetle juice." She approached Tawny with her palms wide in a gesture of peace. "Listen, kid, your Principal is in trouble, and we need your help." Tawny tried to curl in on herself even more.

"I wish you would just go away."

Holly put her hands on her hips disbelievingly. "You know, Tawny, I think I might have been wrong about you." Tawny unwillingly pulled her head out of her shell.

"How so?"

"I thought you were someone who could be trusted in a crisis. Someone," the fairy took a deep breath, "who cared about what happened to Artemis, for all he's an arrogant twerp. Isn't that-"

"What being a bodyguard is about? Trusting your instincts, protecting your Principal?" Tawny uncurled a little, an angry look on her face. "Yes, it is. But I don't know who I think I'm fooling with all this. I was fooling myself for awhile, but not anymore. I can't be a bodyguard, not as long as you and your kind are around. I mean, look at this." She swept a hand around to encompass the setting sun. "Judging by this, I've been out for about fifteen minutes, and I'm supposed to believe I traveled four blocks and up a skyscraper? I'm not really talking to you. I'm not even on a roof. I'll probably walk into traffic going down what I think is a stairwell." She looked Holly in the eyes. "Bodyguards can't be crazy. Other occupations maybe nobody would notice my brand of nuts, but you can't mess around with reality if you're a bodyguard."

"What if…"

"Yeah? What?"

"What if you weren't crazy, Tawny? What if everybody else was just a little…blind?"

"Really. It's a choice between believing I'm crazy, or that there's an entire species invisible to everyone but me. Occam's Razor."

Holly turned around so the human girl couldn't see her mutter into the mike. "Foaly," she whispered. "What the heck is Occam's Razor?"

"Artemis must have told her about it. Some human thinker formulated the hypothesis that when there are multiple explanations, the simplest is usually correct. And I'm afraid she's thinking quite logically here. She knows she's right, too, so that beetle juice is as good as-"

"Civilian," said Root in a deceptively normal voice, "Let the captain do her job and be glad I don't put the pair of you on probation for gambling of all things while on duty."

"Who the heck needs to put that into a hypothesis? Anyone could figure that out." There was a pause. "All right, Foaly, so what do I say to her?" Foaly talked. Holly listened, and then turned back around.

"Well, Miss Occam, try this one: has anything about your condition ever been normal?" Tawny said nothing.

"Nothing about your case has ever conformed to standard descriptions of psychological disorders. Most of your therapists eventually figure you are lying or mistaken about the stuff you see. So high up in the sky; so infrequently, maybe it's just an odd bird you're not identifying correctly. Did Artemis ever talk to you about this?" Tawny didn't say anything. She couldn't breathe. "Yes, he did, actually," continued Holly, listening to the recording playing in her ear. "He said to you, and I quote," She imitated the boy's voice, 'This is really quite fascinating, Tawny. For you to have this kind of problem but still be as lucid as you are, so many things must be abnormal in your brain we should be looking at an entirely new _type_ of disorder, something that should at least be visible on a scan. But there is nothing and no side effects other than those that are textbook for a normal person who has been hospitalization.'"

"Well, that's great. When people ask me why I decided to do whatever it is you want me to do, I'll be able to say 'The little flying green lady on the roof told me I wasn't insane.'" There was a pause. Holly watched the junior bodyguard impatiently. "Wait…" said Tawny at last. "That thing you said Artemis said, that's exactly what he said. How do you know that?"

"Don't tell her, Holly." Holly ignored her mike.

"We have it on recording. We've been watching Artemis. Want to listen?" Holly proffered her helmet mike.

"See, that makes even less sense. Why would anybody want…to…watch….Artemis." Tawny considered this. "Okay, fine. Why would _you_ want to watch Artemis?"

"_Don't tell her, Holly!" _Holly took a deep breath. "We've been monitoring the effects of his mind-wipe." Blank stare. "We removed some of his memories," Holly explained further.

"You took his memories? That was you?" There was a long silence. "Believe it or not, lady, that actually adds to your credibility. If you were a product of my subconscious you wouldn't have said that. Because you are trying to convince me to help you help Artemis, right?" Holly nodded. "Well, then," said Tawny. "My subconscious knows that I wouldn't believe that, because if you are the one who took his memories from him, you're no friend to Artemis." Holly had had it.

"You know something, Mud Girl? You haven't known him for half as long as I have. And I knew him better than you'd think. We all wanted to stop fighting, and nobody wanted to be a friend to him more than me. I think he wanted that too, but he kept making the wrong choices. But in the end, we did what we had to do." Holly's conscience was protesting that she hadn't actually believed that the LEP had in fact done the right thing for six months now, but she continued with her speech anyways. "If it was Artemis or your race, what would you do?" Tawny didn't answer. "Not an easy choice, is it? It wasn't for me." Tawny cleared her throat at long last.

"It wasn't really a choice for your race. Artemis is twisted, not genocidal."

"Artemis occasionally fails to contemplate the full consequences of his actions." More silence from Tawny; she knew it was true.

"Is your…what's your name?" Captain Short was taken aback.

"Holly," she said gently. "Captain Short to you."

"Holly like his sister?"

"Yes."

Tawny nodded slowly. "That explains a lot. Holly, I don't know if you're real, but I do believe the last year of my life has been real. I believe in that _really hard_ because if I start to question everything again, I'll go-well, insane." Weak smile. "Never being able to trust anything, never knowing if you've sunk farther, never knowing if anything that is good is actually happening at all-not knowing what's real has messed me up more than anything else. You don't get as much institutional attention as me for occasionally seeing flying things in the sky nobody else can make out. Not without a couple other problems as well. Problems that, while 'textbook' for someone who's been hospitalized when they're not crazy, are still problems." Pause. "I had one breakdown. Just one, not very big, not too dramatic. I didn't try anything stupid, but people got worried. Then they signed me up for Recreational Tai Chi and they let me try taekwondo and it was like something had been set in motion. Before I knew it they'd let me out of the institution and Madam Ko found me. So bottom line, I try to believe as much of what I see as I can. It's safe-you have to be a lot crazier to be living in a total dream world 100 percent of the time. Your story fits everything I know about Artemis." Sigh, but this time with a crooked smile. " What I'm trying to say is: what do you need me to do?"

Holly grinned. "Foaly, looks like you owe me some beetle juice."

------------------------------------

"I'm impressed, Arty boy."

_Don't call me Arty. My father calls me Arty._ Another flash! A blurred image of someone pointing a gun at him. Artemis blinked. They were getting worse and worse since coming in here. He had to maintain control.

"But not as impressed as I was last time. Last time, of course, you succeeded in destroying me. This time, you only made it as far as the fourth floor. Then again, like last time, I think you're only here because you want to be here."

_I have no idea what you're talking about._

This time Artemis decided to speak aloud. "I have no idea what you're talking about, you crazed megalomaniac."

"What are you saying? That you don't know nothing? Artemis, come on now. You robbed me blind just a year ago. You cannot be trying to play the innocent card. I _invented_ the innocent card. You are in my power now, and this time I hold all the cards in the deck."

"What are you saying? That I, the most intelligent prodigy in two and a half centuries, am trying a trick so hackneyed and ridiculous it has been used by you? Clearly, I have absolutely no memory of what you're talking about. Therefore, it is logical to assume it did not happen." Spiro leaned across the steel table, hands gripping the edges. Artemis did not lean back, taking the opportunity to study his opponent up close. Bloodshot eyes with a look in them like a manic tiger. A hungry, manic, slavering, rabid tiger. Ugly, too. Another flash…he ignored it. "I've waited a long time for this moment, Arty. I'm going to kill you and your sister. Like I killed your girlfriend." That was unexpected. Artemis frowned for a moment, pushing back further his rebelling brainful of memories.

"Whom?"

"Tawny, you moron!" Spiro was practically frothing at the mouth. Then again, it didn't take much these days.

"Ah, yes, Tawny. Wrong on three counts, Jon. I'm not a moron, she's not my girlfriend, and she's not dead. You poured Litton a vodka-and-pentathol cocktail and, surprisingly enough, he consented to pump her full of gorilla tranquilizer. A foolishly optimistic plan, unless its intention was to fail. You must have known she's been studying under Butler."

"Of course I know! I've been keeping a close eye on you since we went up against each other last time. You thought I wouldn't keep tabs on you? Did you?" He leaned in close to Artemis. "Did you really, Arty boy?" He looked into Artemis's eyes. The part of Jon Spiro that was still rational (a very small part) shuddered when faced with the hard blue diamond. He ignored it. Jon Spiro was on top. There was now way he could fail. Killing this kid would be worth goign back to prison, even if he was caught, which he wouldn't be.

"Probably. I don't remember."

"What?" hissed the demented former businessman. "What did you just say to me?"

"I don't remember a thing, Jon." Carla consulted her Palm Pilot. The chair Artemis was sitting in was hooked up to measure pulse rate and blood pressure. She bent down and whispered in Jon's ear.

"He's not lying, Mr. Spiro."

------------------ --------------

"You provide the distraction so I can knock out Artemis without him seeing. We can't risk recall. Then I stun everybody else."

"_That's_ your _plan_? I attack my own Principal? Brilliant. It makes me miss Artemis. What if they shoot me? Or him?"

"I can just fire in through the window if I have to. The important thing is not to let Artemis see me. If you start to tell him, I get to stun you as well. And I will, so don't get any ideas."

"It wouldn't matter anyway, Holly," said Foaly. "Mindwipes can't be undone no matter what someone tells you."

"But she could do damage?"

"Yes."

"You heard that? I'm helping you get your Principal back; you're helping me by not telling him anything."

Silence.

"Tawny!"

"Okay, okay, no telling."

"Otherwise we'll mindwipe both of you, and we'll make it unpleasant." There was no way to make a mindwipe particularly unpleasant, and they were wiping at least Tawny in any case, but Holly said it anyways. Things were quiet for awhile.

"You ready for this? There's the window. Artemis is on the floor above."

"Born ready. Let go." Holly did so.

--------------------

"What do you say, Arty boy? You and me. I've always respected you. We could be even better teamed up. You could maybe get me back my billions. Actually, there's no 'maybe'. I've got a new plan. You will get me back my billions. With interest. Empty your famous Fowl family coffers. Perhaps in return I'll give your folks their baby girls back." He grinned. "Holly and Artemis. Lovely names for a couple of young ladies. I'm not a bad guy to be partner with; I'll even help you get your memory back. I've got access, doctors, all kinds of-"

Artemis had stopped listening. Carla saw his heart rate spike as he pretended to consider, watching his reflection in Jon Spiro's mad eyes. Stalling, her training told her. But for what? She didn't know until caught a figure in the hallway outside.

"Mr. Spiro, there's someone coming." Artemis's eyes jumped to the row of CCTV monitors. His breath caught in his throat.

It was Tawny. How did these things _happen_ to him? You'd think that much gorilla tranquilizer would at least put her down for a _nap_. Spiro's eyes hadn't flickered; he was too busy watching his opponent. The door flew open. Carla had a gun out at once. And the shiny platinum gun in Tawny's pocket was clearly nonlethal, although Artemis didn't stop to consider how he knew this. He could also just as clearly tell that the gun Carla had aimed at Tawny's heart _was _lethal. Thankfully, nobody had shot anything yet. She was waiting for Spiro's signal, although what Tawny was waiting for was anybody's guess. This kind of crazy thing was so unlike her that Artemis was stunned for a moment. The boy stood up and Spiro, the only one who knew where the danger in the room lay, trained a gun of his own on Artemis. "Sit down."

"Tawny," Artemis started. She barely spared him a glance, putting her hands palm up in the 'don't shoot me' position.

"Stand down, Tawny," said Artemis is his slow, clear, negotioating voice.

"Stand down, Carla," echoed Spiro. Carla did so, knowing she could take down a threat a thousand ways without using a gun.

"I know what I'm doing."

"They're going to shoot you, Tawny."

"No, they're not."

"Shouldn't you be dead, kid?"

"Shut up, Jon. Tawny-"

"Artemis-" Tawny felt a the fairy looking at her. She had to be careful what she said. Artemis saw the gun in Jon's hand slowly start to swivel towards Tawny. "Don't shoot me, Mr. Spiro," said Tawny carefully. "You don't want to do that."

"Lie on the floor with your hands on your head and I won't, kid. I like you. Loyal." Tawny walked over to the far end of the table. Carla finally spoke. "Stop that at once." Tawny slowly pulled a chair out. "Easy. Easy. I just want to talk to Artemis." She wasn't going to knock him out; not if she could get to Spiro first. Carla would still get her but not Artemis and that would be okay, since Carla probably wouldn't kill them both and have the police nosing around.

Unfortunately, Carla was a professional bodyguard. And you don't let threats sit down across the table from your client. But Carla was just not as ruthless as her brother, and Tawny still looked like just a kid. So she wrestled with herself for about a picosecond and then laid a hand on Tawny's shoulder. "You're coming with me."

"You know something? I don't think I am-"

"Do it," whispered Spiro to Artemis Fowl. "Or I'll kill Collateral who just came waltzing through the door there."

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"Shoot, Holly! What are you waiting for?"

"She took my gun! The little pickpocket took my Neutrino!"

**------------------------ -**

"What kind of gun is this?"

"Leave it alone."

"I don't think I will."

"Carla, what are you waiting for? Get her out of here and into some basement where Fowl can watch her die on-camera if he doesn't do what I say and I won't have to get blood out of the carpet. Needle Employees are gone for the day." Time slowed for Artemis. He saw Tawny shifting her center of gravity, preparing to strike the woman behind her. He knew just as certainly that Spiro would cease caring about his carpet quickly. And he needed Tawny out of the room for his plan to have any chance of success. Carla would not commit murder unless Spiro gave the signal. And if that signal never came…but Tawny wasn't an easy person to stop, as countless people had found out when she accompanied him on his little expeditions.

There was no other way. He'd have to do it.

"Mikeala," he muttered, hating himself.

"What was that?" began Spiro. Artemis ignored him and stared at Tawny from the corner of his eye. She was looking at him curiously, as though wondering if he had said what she thought he had said. Artemis could see Tawny convincing herself she had misheard him. That sealed it. He cleared his throat.

"Mikeala Tawny Rathmussen-Vassikin! Do what he says!" He said loudly, in Russian. And Tawny's eyes went blank just as if he'd killed her. Her face went slack and her body went limp and a dogged Carla tugged her out of Spiro's office. Artemis shut his eyes and took a deep breath. And then another, Spiro watching him with beady eyes.

----------------------------------------OO

Review, review, review, review. Review, review, review!

The floor is lava,  
Silverfingers.


	22. Guts and Blood

Here is your update, hideously late. I don't know how I feel about this chapter, but it is about time things started wrapping up. Don't worry; we still have a couple more chappies to go!

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"I thought your name was Tawny," said Carla as she prodded the captive towards the basement levels. The girl stared blankly at the ground and moved as though sleepwalking.

---------

"That was interesting," commented Spiro "I thought her name was Tawny." Artemis did not answer. He staring at the door, lost in thought. With a jump, he refocused his attention on Jon as his captor flipped the shiny fairy gun from hand to hand.

Holly found herself watching it, growling. She wanted her gun back. Tawny was _so_ getting mind-wiped.  
She stopped herself. Thinking like that was what got them into this mess.

"This is pretty," Spiro continued. "Platinum, I think. Did you make it for her?" Artemis did not answer as the disgraced businessman forced his finger into the tiny fairy trigger guard and pumped it casually in Artemis's direction. The boy jumped, for some reason expecting a laser beam to come shooting out, but nothing happened. Jon flicked the power switch and tried again, with the same result. Artemis started to sweat.

_That would have killed me, for all Spiro knows. He doesn't even care. He intends to kill me anyways so it doesn't matter, _he thought as Jon examined the weapon more closely. There was a groove next to the switch. Even though the handgun was light years ahead of Fission Chips technology, Jon recognized the groove as designed to hold a battery.

"A battery-powered gun?" he asked himself in wonder.

With Jon thus distracted, Artemis risked a glance downward at the small object Tawny had flicked into his lap under the table when she sat down. His eyes glazed over as the flash hit.

Jon fumbled with the barrel of the laser. "What's going on, Arty? Your toy's not working. Ah well."

Artemis leaned forward. "What do you want, Mr. Spiro?" he asked suddenly. Spiro stopped messing with the gun and smiled. This was more like it.

"All right, Arty. Nobody's buying the innocent act. You've always got a plan. Tell me what it is. By now you've realized it can't work, anyways." Artemis looked down again. "_Tell_ me, Arty boy. And no tricks. See this?" Jon tapped an apparent hearing aid. "Direct link to Blunt. Carla hears everything that happens in here. She can lock down this room no matter where she is and be here in a minute to terminate you even if you disable me. So don't try-" Jon smiled like a shark as a picture crossed his mind. "Actually, I _would_ like to see you try a double-cross. I would like that very much."

Artemis forced himself to speak clearly. "Do you really want to know that badly? It's pretty obvious I have no way out. What difference does it make?"

"Don't try to talk me out of it. I want to know," said Spiro, toying with the fairy technology. He looked up and caught the look on Artemis's face. "Is there something you don't want Carla to hear? Or is it something you don't want your girlfriend to hear?" Without waiting for an answer he spoke to Carla.

"Carla, are you in the cell yet?"

"Yes, Mr. Spiro. I'm watching you on the screen right now, Mr. Spiro."

"Girl restrained?"

"Arms and ankles secured, Mr. Spiro," said Carla with a glance at the girl sitting limply in the chair with her head bowed.

"Good. Put the CCTV where she can see it, and turn the volume all the way up." Artemis flinched. Jon smiled, satisfied.

"Okay, Arty, go. Don't disappoint your audience."

"Simplicity is often part of -"

"Cut the preamble. Get to whatever it is you don't want to get to."

"Fine. Here's the secret about my genius plan: I don't have one." Spiro looked deeply skeptical. Artemis plowed on. "You seem to remember me from some incident I no longer recall. You offered help. I despise weakness, and I despise you, but I honestly can't do this for myself. I can't get help anywhere else without my parents knowing. I want my mind back, Mr. Spiro. Get it for me and I'll do whatever you want."

Jon stared. Artemis could be bargaining with him, thinking that once he got his memories back he could use them to easily defeat Spiro again. But the boy's plan had to have changed now. He said this aloud: "But the situation has changed, Arty. I have your girlfriend down in the cells. I can order anything I want done to her. What's your plan B?" Artemis shrugged.

"I tried to keep Tawny out of this business, but she is stubborn to the point of mulishness. If she had stayed put, she wouldn't be here." A bead of perspiration rolled down his forehead and his voice seemed forced enough to make Spiro doubt Artemis's nonchalance.

"You play people like pianos, Arty boy. You're known for it. Are you telling me you didn't know she'd follow you?"

Artemis's voice was neutral, but he looked slightly pained. "I knew it was likely she would involve herself."

"Likely?"

"Very well, a certainty. I took…precautions, but they failed. Obviously."

"Let me get this straight. You, Artemis Fowl, are giving up your girlfriend-" Spiro noted the wince at the word- "for dead. You knew she would get hurt if she followed, and you walked in here anyways without a plan. Now you're offering to help me. What will happen to her?"

"I'd say that's out of my control."

"You're not including your girlfriend's return in the bargain? You're not even trying?"

"She's not my girlfriend, Jon."

There was a short pause. "Everyone has to know when to cut their losses, I suppose." Jon said thoughtfully as he stared at Artemis and then shook himself. "That's cold, kid. You almost remind me of me. And like you, I'm not that easy. I want a show of faith."

Under the table, Artemis's fists clenched. "What do you want?"

Spiro picked up the pretty gun again. "I like the look of this," he said, toying with the barrel. "A gun with a rechargeable power source, it looks like. How does it work?" Artemis reluctantly held out his hand for the weapon only to have Spiro jerk it away. "Do you think I'm stupid, kid?"

"No, but I'm beginning to suspect that." Now the kid sounded irritated. "Think about this. You said it yourself: the power source to the weapon is missing. I was given an _extremely_ thorough search when I came here. There's no way I could've gotten something even as big as a battery in. You've pulled off the trigger guard there. Let me see the gun and I will fix it."

Spiro mulled it over. It was true; the gun was not in working condition. He gave it to Artemis with a warning: "If anything happens to me, you won't escape."

"You're wrong, Jon," said Artemis. "I already have."

He opened his palm to display the nuclear battery Tawny had given him when she burst into the room. In a practiced movement, he jacked the battery into the slot, flicked the power setting up to eight, and pointed it at the megalomaniac.

"That's troll level," Holly gasped. "He'll kill Spiro."

The room went silent. The moonlight filtering in illuminated the strange tableaux- standing teenage boy with arm outstretched, pointing a gleaming weapon at the millionaire seated at the other end of the table.

"You won't kill me," said Spiro when he had gotten over his shock. "You don't have the guts."

"Guts." Artemis said quietly. "I am tired of hearing that. I tranquilized the only person on Earth who would have helped me, and proceeded to walk in here without a plan. This entire evening I have, as you would say, been winging it. Now I am going to let you go free-again," he said as he pulled the barrel calmly away from the millionaire's face. Artemis was no longer sweating, but now Jon was perspiring visibly and barely daring to breathe. "I do hope you will think carefully before you tangle with me again. And consider, Jon: Does it take more _guts_ to solve all my problems with a pull of the trigger, or does it in fact take more to do this?"

With that, he turned swiftly and shattered the reinforced, bulletproof window with a single blast, jumping out of the eightieth-floor conference room into the black Chicago night.

Artemis had walked in without a plan. That took guts indeed, but it didn't mean that he didn't have one now.

Jon Spiro's howls of rage and disbelief were soon lost in the sound of the wind. "You just killed your friend, Fowl! Do you hear me? I'm killing her!" Jon screamed over the edge of the window once he had gotten over his shock and hobbled to it as fast as he could go. He leaned over as far as he dared but all he saw was fog. Had he leaned a little farther, he would have seen Artemis's fingertips clinging desperately to the window ledge two floors below.

"You can try," Artemis muttered as he hung. His arms were in agony and he suspected he had torn his right tricep, plus strained several ligaments in his fingers. He looked at ground below. It was a long way down. Carefully, he manipulated the Neutrino controls one-handed to shatter the window he was currently dangling in front of, and then swung into a darkened lab like a cat.

--------- ----------

Carla gazed at the screen. Her spider sense was itching over leaving her Principal alone with a possible hostile. She had to use all her training to stop herself from screaming when she saw the kid jump out of the window. The other kid, the one tied to the chair, was watching the TV screen showing the drama with her mouth hanging open. Carla turned away from the captive to find her gun. That was her mistake.

"All right," she said as she reached for it. She had her knives on her, of course, but sometimes you just wanted a gun. "I need to get back up there, so you are going to-"

Tawny's foot landed on her shoulder. Carla stumbled. The girl had ripped apart her wrist ties and proceeded to attack. Well, Arno Blunt's kid sister was still more than a match for an average teenage psycho. "Careful, kid," she said as she landed a warning blow on the side of the girl's head. She regretted having to do it, but this night was crashing down around her ears. The boy had jumped out the window which meant there was going to be a body. She hated bodies. They complicated things. And now here she was beating on a girl half her size and age. "I know you're upset," she tried to say, but was cut off and momentarily stunned when the teenager thrust her face very close to Carla's. Tawny's hair was in her eyes and her teeth were bared in a feral snarl.

"Don't have much to be careful about anymore, do I?" she asked through gritted teeth. Without further warning, Tawny slammed Carla up against the wall.

---------

"He's gone," said Jon, staring at his hands. "He's gone."

Or was he? In the silence of the room, he heard the shattering of glass two stories below- Artemis breaking the window. Jon Spiro grabbed his cane and started limping quickly down the hallway to the elevator, and pounded the call button. Then he noticed the floor indicator above the elevator. Someone was already in it, and they were heading for the basement.

---------

The elevator door dinged behind Tawny, but she didn't notice. She had a bloody ear, a bloody arm, and her side was on fire from where Carla had landed a kick, but she didn't care about any of those either. She was busy. The two were circling each other, wary, looking for openings.

"Tawny," said a voice. She didn't hear it as she dodged a punch and landed one of her own. Carla stopped, distracted at something she saw over Tawny's shoulder.

"Tawny."

Tawny made use of the Carla Blunt's distraction to start shaking the two-hundred-pound Blue Diamond like a rat.

"**Tawny!"** Someone grabbed her around the waist and physically pulled her off. She turned, snarling and looked into Artemis's pale, panting face. At once, she dropped Carla's collar and stared. Artemis spared Carla a warning glance telling her to stay out of this and turned his attention back to Tawny, who was staring at him as though a ghost.

He nodded reassuringly, eyes briefly taking in her battered appearance.

"What did you try to do? We'll talk about it later. Let's go home."

"What about your sister?"

"Jen has her."

"Jen's been helping you?" Carla interjected suddenly. Artemis glared at her and she took this as a yes.

"I always knew that girl was all right," Carla said to herself, and Artemis softened a little. He took a better look at Carla. It seemed guilt had been preventing the older, more experienced woman from fighting with full effectiveness; otherwise Tawny would have been considerably worse off.

"Miss Blunt? Where is the nearest exit?" She pointed an arm in a ripped sleeve down the passageway.

"Head down there and go up the stairs." Artemis nodded his thanks, and pulled on the shell-shocked Tawny's arm.

"Come _on_, Mikeala."

"Hey, Tawny. Mikeala. Whatever." Tawny turned around. "Work on your drop-kick," said Carla. Tawny nodded, suddenly looking embarrassed, and then headed down the hall with Artemis.

---------

"You sure Holly is okay?" Without a word, they broke into a run.

"Yes," panted Artemis.

"Where was she?"

"Carla's room. What happened to your arm?"

"I cut it by accident.Wasn't her room locked?"

"Yes. And with a guard out front. "

"How did Jen get to her?"

"No idea. I just had to keep Jon talking so that he wouldn't see her on the CCTV cameras."

More running.

"Tawny?"

"Yeah?"

"Where did you find this gun?"

Pause. "Can we talk about that later?"

"I knew how to use it. I knew how to use it right away."

"Later? Please?"

---------

Carla had watched them go with a tired smile. Five minutes later, the elevator dinged again. It was Jon Spiro, and he was practically frothing at the mouth. "Carla!" he said upon seeing his bodyguard leaning against the wall. "Did Fowl come this way? Hey. You're bleeding. Don't tell me that little girl beat you up." Carla gave her employer a long, hard stare. "Get your butt off the ground and help me catch Fowl!"

Carla did not rise.

"Fine, then. You're fired."

_Now _she stood up, and sighed a long, slow sigh. "I may be fired, Mr. Spiro, but you are crazy and I'm going straight to the police."

"Crazy-what? Carla, you saw Fowl. You know I'm not crazy." Carla shook her head.

"All I know is you've been obsessed with kidnapping a harmless teenager for months, maybe years. You should be locked up."

"You'll go down with me," Spiro argued. "This is ridiculous. You were an accomplice. Think clearly, Carla."

"Actually, I think Artemis will not remember having met you at all, and Tawny certainly won't recall me tying her up, should a court happen to ask. Face it, Jon," she said with a smile as her eyes glinted, "You're just crazy."

---------

Go ahead, make my day….by reviewing. Thanks to all my reviewers for not giving up hope! That's PsHiArAk, too-much-inspiration, Olynara Sedai, lilacpurple, Nota Lone, Cat, Lii, TrisakAminawn, me-obviously, Mulch Diggums and Sir Gawain of Camelot.

The floor is lava,  
Silverfingers


	23. Precipice

Not done with this story yet!

Random Quote of the Day: "We never do anything small, do we? Why can't we for once have a meeting in a Starbucks?" –_Lost Colony. Butler complaining about, once again, meeting a criminal in the 'highest room in the tallest tower', to quote Shrek. :-)_

_-------_

Jen walked down the dark street quickly. That was her mistake.

"Hey, girl. Whatcha got in the bag?"

She sped up.

"Where you going?"

"Yeah, where are you going, girlie?"

Jen debated breaking into a run. Or underground, she thought, remembering the taste of drywall. Underground would be best. She looked back at the duffel bag she was holding. No, she couldn't do that. Her heart started hammering.

Holly Short watched from high in the air, her heart beating faster than the Spiro girl's. All her attention was concentrated on the duffel bag, and the two hapless goons chasing it.

Jen was supposed to wait for Artemis in the Starbucks two streets away. She wasn't going to make it that far. With the other men still following her, hurling taunts, the short, hunch-shouldered girl turned instead down a darkened alleyway.

"Oh, _no_," muttered Holly. "Is she a _moron?"_

-----------------------

Artemis and Tawny sat with their eyes fixed resolutely out the window. Artemis noticed the trickle of blood still running down Tawny's arm from Carla's knife. That could cause awkward questions.

"You're bleeding."

She looked down. "It's nothing."

Artemis sighed and took off his tie. Tawny jumped as she felt his touch on her arm. He wrapped the shallow cut with the necktie, tucking in the material until she looked for all the world as though she was merely wearing a blue armband.

"There's Jen."

The short girl entered the coffee shop somewhat out of breath and held out the duffel bag to Tawny. "Here's those clothes I borrowed from you. Sorry it took me so long to give them back. They were buried pretty deep in the closet for awhile."

"It's no problem," said Tawny with a forced laugh. Artemis looked at his watch and placed a hand on Tawny's back.

"We'd better go now or my parents will go nuts. Good to see you, Jen." He took the bag from Tawny. "Get back to your room as fast as you can. There's no CCTV in there. Jon won't have any reason to suspect you, correct?" he asked in a whisper, without moving his lips or taking his eyes off the floor. Jen nodded tersely. "Good. I won't forget this, Jen."

-----------------

Foaly furiously pounded the keyboard, playing Jen's footage from Holly's helmet-cam over and over again. Girl goes into alley. Thugs follow girl into alley. Half an extremely intense minute later, one thug was down and the other ran screaming out of the alleyway at high speed.

"The trouble is figuring out what we've got here," he said, tapping his finger on the screen. Root snorted.

Holly's exhausted voice came over the line from where she was perched, on a roof at O'Hare International Airport in Chicago. Fowl was out there somewhere, on any one of fifty possible planes. "I'd say it's pretty obvious what we've got here, Foaly. The result of the whole Arianna Digger thing a couple decades ago."

"Exactly a decade and a half ago, Holly, actually," said Foaly while Root rolled his eyes. "And I _think_ we can safely assume this is the child…"

"No duh," snorted Holly. "She unhinged her jaw and covered the one human's head in spittle which anesthetized him and then hardened. Unless humans have been doing some serious evolving recently, this has got to be her. And anyway, aren't you supposed to be keeping tabs on the world's only registered hybrid, Foaly?"

"Lately, as in the past few years, I've been having more annoying teenagers to deal with, Holly. Besides, other than a penchant for eating bugs and dirt when she was little Jenny has never done anything odd. Other than make friends with Arty and his new monkey, of course."

"We'll get a task force on her ASAP," said Root. "But more importantly, we have to take care of these two. You can bet that Artemis won't be making it easy for us to find his bird among all these other ones-he needs to hide from Spiro. Now we have to-"

"It's that one over there," said Holly, pointing at a plane a quarter mile away, getting ready for takeoff. Root frowned. How had Holly known that? "Rev your wings, Captain. It's been a long day, but we need to mindwipe that little monkey before she sparks Fowl's memories."

"Yeah. I want my gun back, too," said Holly as sealed her helmet, ready for another boring flight tailing the Fowl jet.

----

Artemis pulled the half-finished lollipop out of his mouth and threw it away absentmindedly. He was sitting on a lounge chair in the back of the Lear with his baby sister on his lap. He couldn't take his eyes off her. She was fine-he had checked her for signs of mistreatment a half-dozen times already. She was perfect, happy, tired. Strange, he thought. I should be ecstatic, but I don't feel anything. It appears I truly am in total control of my emotions at all times. Holly Fowl stared back at him with big eyes and yawned. A drop of water landed on her face. Artemis turned and glared at the ceiling for the source of the drip before he realized he was crying.

_he knows. He knowsheknwoheknowsheknows how long has he known?_

The autopilot had been on for fully a half hour, and Tawny was hard-pressed to look as though she was still busy in the cockpit. Her zombielike stare at the windshield would have led to some serious scribbling had she been in the presence of any psychologist. Tawny was barely thinking about the experience she'd had with the little green person, or the gun she'd stolen. _Either I'm sane, or I'm crazier than we ever dreamed. _She was longing to tell Artemis about it, but the problem remained that she had probably wrecked that friendship. And _that_ knowledge, rather than the existence of an entirely new species, was what had reduced Tawny to her state of mental paralysis. She could maybe, _maybe_ deal with _either_ the revelation about the fairies or having alienated Artemis. No way could she handle both.

Relax. Tawny controlled her breathing and tried to think this through. Just because her dad kidnapped his dad didn't mean Artemis would feel betrayed.

On the other hand, that might be if she'd been straight with him from the beginning. Instead, she'd committed possibly the biggest lie of omission ever by hiding her parentage for months, and he would probably feel pretty betrayed. This was ridiculous. Artemis was the weirdest, most prickly person in the entire world. Now she couldn't imagine a day without him.

Artemis, eyes red-rimmed, set Val down carefully in her booster seat and worked his way up to the cockpit to sit next to Tawny. She smiled weakly, about to say that she wanted to sob from relief herself, when she remembered who she was. Tawny glanced down at her bandaged arm while Artemis, for once appearing oblivious to her mental state, took out another Tootsie Roll Pop but did not unwrap it. He glanced at her arm.

"There's no medical supplies on board, or I would bandage that correctly for you."

"It's fine. I'm sorry," she said, unable to look him in the eye.

"Sorry about _what_-" Root started to say back in the Ops Booth. Foaly had Holly flying close enough to the plane to worm a mini communications spike through the side. They could pick up every sound.

"Shh!" Foaly flapped a hand in Root's direction, transfixed. "They can hear us, too." And this is better than a soap opera, he added to himself.

Artemis frowned at the lemon lollipop, fairly certain she wasn't apologizing for the ruined tie. "Did you have something to do with the kidnapping?"

Tawny jumped. "No! Aah! I **swear**, no."

"Then I don't see why you should be sorry."

"Wait…" she hesitated, even as her brain screamed _Let it go!_ "Which kidnapping are we talking about?" Slowly, Artemis stopped contemplating the candy and turned his head to look at her as she continued. "The one where Jon Spiro kidnapped your baby sister, or the one where my dad kidnapped your dad?"

She'd said it. Artemis swallowed. "Either."

"No."

"I didn't think so."

They stared at each other.

Baby Holly's cry split the silence. It wasn't exactly a cry; more like a gurgle. At home, at two in the morning, Artemis generally would not have gotten out of bed for this type of noise. It didn't look like Tawny was going to say anything else, so he got up and went to pick her up. Tawny was left with a hollow feeling. _Well, that's it. He needs time to think about it. I'll just wait for him to come back._ To her surprise, Tawny's legs disagreed with this plan and Artemis looked up from Valentine to see her standing in the doorway. He looked up.

"Is there something else?" he asked, gently rocking his sister and contemplating Tawny with his head cocked to one side.

She took a deep, deep breath, heart pounding a mile a minute. Tawny felt the intensity of his gaze on the side of her face. Not angry or otherwise, as far as she could tell; just focused.

"My parents. They're divorced," she started slowly. "My mom and my dad. Since I was about five. My grandma was British so she taught my mother English, and my mother taught it to me. She taught it to him, but he never picked it up the same way, which made him feel stupid, which made them fight. They fought a lot. Mostly about the whole Mafiya thing. See, she thought she was okay with it when they got married, but then one day the ring kidnapped a Swedish diplomat. My mom-her name was Vassa-she was kind of horrified but she told herself that it was okay, that this was how they made their living, that she didn't care. She was really, really bitter when she was young and thought the world was out to get her, so she might as well take what she wanted. Living in Murmansk can do that to you, but she says it was just cuz she was stupid." Tawny was talking faster and faster, spilling the words like she'd never done with any therapist. "So she helped take care of the Swede, cooked his meals and stuff. Then…"

A pause. The words had stopped tumbling over each other and now she had to coax them out, her breath catching in her throat. "Then my dad and his colleagues moved they guy to the dropoff, took the ransom his wife brought and then shot them both. My mother knew that they were going to do it for weeks, and I dunno, I guess she'd talked herself into thinking it was okay, but it turned out not to be and the next day she started divorce proceedings. When I was seven my psychosis started to manifest and I started seeing therapists, and they started being more polite to each other because all the legal stuff was dragging them together so often. At twelve she let me enroll in Madam Ko's school because she wanted me to get out of Murmansk."

"Did you have any contact with your father?"

"Yeah. He was mad about the divorce at first but mellowed out over the years. Now he's mad again because my mom let me go off to Ko. They still don't like each other but at least they don't take it out on me too much. I saw him on weekends. I guess the last time would have been about…ehh...say six months before your dad woke up. I know he's a lowlife, but he genuinely likes me, you know?" Her voice cracked a little. "I'm sorry."

Artemis looked at Tawny some more. His eyes were drawn to the bullet scar on her arm and the makeshift bandage on the other one.

"I find it difficult to believe nobody noticed."

"Um." Tawny tucked her hair behind her ears. "Um."  
Artemis sat forward. "Someone did notice?"  
"No, um. Madam Ko didn't have a problem with it once she'd made it _extremely_ clear that the Academy didn't take criminals. She didn't know the specifics- that my father had actually kidnapped yours- so it just never came up."

"I just can't believe you never told _Butler._" It was difficult to imagine a more suicidal action than hiding information relating to Artemis's safety from the giant bodyguard.

"Hey, look. The whole thing didn't have a whole lot to do with Butler, so-"

"His uncle died in the explosion when the _Fowl Star_ went down."

Tawny's face tightened.

"I'm me, not my father. What he did shouldn't matter. I didn't have any reason to mention it to anybody before I got to know you, and after-" she swallowed again –"I had even less."

It was virtually Artemis's first experience with being kept in the dark. He was floored, but he didn't show it. Well, in a way he did. Tawny saw his face close up as he slipped right back into his old habit of hiding his every emotion from her.

"I see," he said, brain whirring twice as fast as it usually had to. Manipulating and bending other people to his will, check. Multivariable calculus, check. Social situations and the intricacies of relationships, definite blank.

Tawny jammed her hands in her pockets.

"_I see?_" whispered Foaly. "Genius. If he ever gets his memory back I will _torture_ him with that one. We're recording, right?"

"Horsearse. The point of doing all this is making sure he _doesn't_ get him memories back. So shut up." Root whispered back, slightly louder.

Frowning, she pulled out a crumpled envelope. She stared at it, awaiting a burst of recognition.

"What's that?" asked Artemis.

"I…huh. I don't remember. It must have been in here for a long time. I haven't worn these pants since checking into Sea Pines." She roughly ripped it open.

"What's what?" whispered Root.

"I don't know, said Holly. "We're flying through a cloud and anyways, I can't see inside the airplane."

"It looks like a medallion," said Tawny. Holly's breath suddenly caught in her throat. "Nah, wait-the gold's rubbing off," Tawny continued. "It's a laser disk?"

All three fairies realized the same thing at once.

"Where did you get this?" Artemis was asking.

"I-I said, I don't know. Maybe Carla put it in there or something. Do you have a laptop with you?"

"Please say no. Pleeeeeease say no," Foaly muttered frantically.

"Of course," came Artemis's voice."

"AUGH!"

"What was that?" Tawny said, jumping, as the yell of frustration came through the unseen com-spike sounding rather tinny.

"I didn't hear anything, said Artemis, still transfixed by the disk. "Here, you go keep track of things in the cockpit and I'll take a look at this. It seems-familiar, somehow. You know what I mean."

-----

Don't worry, folks, we still have at least one more chapter to go, possibly two. Full of crazy, yummy plot developments we've all been waiting for.  
The floor is lava,  
Silverfingers


	24. Seeing Clearly

Yeah, still not done. One more chapter to come after this! One more…an epilogue…what can I say? It's been a great ride.

Random Quote of the Day:

**Dr. Lisa Cuddy**: When I hired you, I knew you were insane. I will continue to try and stop you from doing insane things, but once they're done, trying to convince an insane person not to do insane things is, in itself, insane. So when I hired you, I also set aside fifty thousand a year for legal expenses. So far, you've come in under budget.

---

He had named his baby sister Holly, but refused to call her that. Acorns, orange Jell-O, _lollipops_…it was amazing. Artemis would have felt a strange desire to laugh. Well, he would have if not for the other images flashing through his sizzling neurons: Captain Short, tied to a chair. Shooting his father. Jon Spiro. Butler, dying.

It had been over an hour. Tawny had come hesitantly to ask if he was okay once and been firmly shooed away as Artemis read file after file, disused neural pathways rejoining and memories clicking into place in a way that made beautiful, glorious _sense_. Finally, everything was explained. Now he found himself wishing it could have been explained a different way. "Oh, and one last thing," the virtual Artemis from before the mindwipe had said on his computer screen. "The real medallion is in the safe on the Lear, although I do hope you have remembered that by now." Artemis had gone to the jet's safe, which contained a large amount of jewelry his mother liked to have with her while jet-setting. Doubtless it had been searched by the LEP when he was wiped, but the half-million pounds' worth of gold and gems surely would have camouflaged the one otherworldly intruder to the flying jewelry box.

Yes, there it had been; hidden in plain sight. Now he sat, rubbing his neck and holding the coin in his hands, deciding on a course of action. Abruptly he stood up, and made a methodical search of the plane's interior until he found the steel toothpick protruding through the wall in a darkened corner. An LEP com-spike. If it had been working, the LEP knew he probably had his memory back. No need for them to know more. He wanted to talk to Holly and Foaly and even Commander Root; but for the time being they certainly must be intending to mind-wipe him again. Artemis plucked it out and crushed it, carefully leaving as much of the circuitry intact as possible. He stared at it for a second longer, shook himself, and crushed the priceless technology under his heel. He shrugged. If he really wanted one at some point, he'd build one himself.

The LEP. Poor Tawny; he thought; your psychosis was giving you the correct information…

all …

_along. _The image of Holly's handgun flashed into his mind.

Artemis started to pace. Tawny was crazy. Ironically, she saw fairies. But what if it wasn't irony? What if she could actually see through a fairy shield? It was biologically possible, after all. Rats and monkeys and so forth. _How did she get her hands on the Neutrino?_

He walked up once more to talk to Tawny.

"Hey…" she started. "I remembered where I got that envelope. See, this weird mailman-"

"Tawny, how long was that envelope in your pocket?" he asked abruptly.

"Eh…before I got sent off to the nuthouse…a month." Artemis nodded.

"Ah. Excellent. Just wondering." Probably best not to tell Tawny that this entire disaster could have been averted had he gotten his memories back in time. Nevertheless, she looked worried. Despite his newfound knowledge of his prior behavior, Artemis couldn't stop a warm, reassuring smile. Tawny looked even more worried.

"Um…what was on that disk?"

"Am I acting any different?"

"A little. Are you okay?"

"It turns out I'm not a very good person, Tawny."

"Yeah, yeah, you steal stuff. What was in there, a conscience?" Artemis grimaced.

"In a way."

"Look, genius boy. If the disk told you that you are a bad person, it was **wrong**."

The picture of a half-ton of gold ransom flashed before Artemis's eyes. "Tawny, I understand that you are attempting to preserve my feelings, but I assure you it is quite-"

"If you were a jerk, I wouldn't care about your feelings. Look, Artemis. There's a three hundred dollar Armani tie wrapped around my arm, soaking up my blood. You did that. You accepted a random, psychotic interloper into your life, and when I got thrown into that institution you visited me _every week_ at midnight, just to see if I was okay. And just now, before you read that disk, you didn't care who my father was, despite the fact that he--despite everything. So you might want to stop dissing who you were, because that guy was my friend. If anything, it's the new you who has to justify himself."

Artemis blinked. Tawny was breathing hard and she looked annoyed.

"And I figured out what was on that disk," she said, dropping her gaze suddenly to her knees. "It was your memory, wasn't it?"

Artemis raised an eyebrow and nodded. "How did you know?"

Tawny pulled a shiny handgun out of her pocket once more and started to toss it from hand to hand. "The fairy person told me they'd taken it. I was supposed to let them do the same to me without cluing you in to anything." She looked at Artemis with a cracked grin. Her first in what seemed like forever. "That didn't work out too well, did it?"

Artemis's first impulse was to smile, which completely surprised him. But with his triumph over Spiro, finding out he wasn't as evil as he had aspired to be until recently, someone his own age declaring him her friend, and the discovery of a year's worth of memories removed by a centaur, it had been a surprising day. The impulse faded when he considered fully what Tawny had just said.

"Tawny, I do not think the LEP will give up on us that easily. We both need to be mindwiped. I hate to be taking advantage of it, but I really need you to trust me now."

She nodded, and moved to sit next to him as Artemis fired up his laptop. Within a few minutes, he had hacked into the LEP mainframe. He delayed telling her to go for a few minutes, but it had to be done.

"Tawny, this is going to be a delicate conversation. Will you do me a favor?"

She nodded. "Anything."

"Leave," he said almost apologetically.

She blinked. It dawned that just because she'd spilled her guts about her past didn't mean Artemis had done the same. She stopped at the door. "Artemis?"

"Yes?"

She couldn't quite find the words. For once, Artemis realized he couldn't fill them in. Looked like New Artemis wasn't any better at social things.

"You need to tell me what goes on, okay?" she said quietly. Artemis nodded, taken aback, as she left.

---

"What do you mean, you only carry one communications spike?" Root roared across the com-link to Holly, chomping his cigar in frustration.

"I thought it was pretty obvious, Commander," whinnied Foaly. "She means she only carries one communications spike."

"And why?" Root demanded of the centaur. Holly listened to their conversation, exhausted. She hadn't really been sleeping too well before all this happened, and the stress of the past few hours had finally caught up with her now the adrenaline was wearing off.

"I seemed to recall an estimated 34 verbal communiqués ordering me to stop burdening your precious officers with fancy, useless equipment," Foaly replied. Verbal communiqués in this case meaning general yells whenever there was a malfunction. Root reddened.

"Civilian, you need to learn which orders to follow," he said angrily. Foaly's computer screen flickered. "And control your equipment, darnit! If it can't be relied on in a crisis you're out of here faster than a beetle through a dwarf's digestion." Foaly didn't move.

"Was that a real order, or one of those orders I'm not supposed to follow?"

Root's reciprocating shout died in his throat. Now the screen was a live feed of Artemis Fowl.

"Commander, Foaly," said Artemis, raising a sardonic eyebrow at their argument. Two seconds into the conversation, and he had the upper hand. "How time changes people." Foaly smoothed his hair and Root spat out the cigar, both instinctively doing a mental about-face to present a unified front.

"Fowl," said Foaly. "Wow. It's been what, ten minutes since you got your memories back?"

"And I remember how to hack your system, yes. You've been getting a bit lax with the security upgrades with me out of commission, Foaly."

"Hello, Artemis," came Holly's tired voice. Artemis's sarcasm melted slightly.

"Hello, Holly. Where are you?"

"Outside your bird. At some point your little friend needs to give me my gun back."

"You'll get it back," said Foaly sharply. "We're mindwiping both of these monkeys, remember?"

"Commander," said Artemis quietly. "Foaly, Holly. Does the LEP really want to mindwipe me again?"

All the smugness and annoyance abandoned the faces of the centaur and Root, much as they tried to hide it.

"You're a nice kid, Arty," said Root gruffly. "And Short seems to think you genuinely changed. I admit I have had my doubts. And the pony here needs someone to trade nerd-talk with. But none of that makes up for the fact that we can't have you endangering the People."

"You really think I would be so irresponsible again?"

"No," said Root after chewing his cigar. "I really don't. But it's all about the bottom line with the Council."

"Even Vinaya?"

"All right, except Vinaya. Sorry, kid. We don't bargain with-"

"Kidnappers? No, you don't. But I am not a kidnapper anymore." He took a deep breath. "The thing is, you can't mindwipe me."

"Oh yes, we can. We have, in fact. Just not properly."

"But then Holly won't be able to see her goddaughter."

There was an echoing silence. "_Goddaughter?_" the three said in unison.

"What the D'Arvit are you on about, Fowl?" Root demanded.

"Holly."

"Which Holly-" Foaly started, and then stopped.

"Exactly," said Artemis softly. "My sister was named after a fairy. Godmother magic is so close to being a myth that I ordinarily wouldn't bother you with the theory, but myths are not always myths, as I learned when I was twelve. There is also the matter of this." His hand went to his neck again and pulled out a small clear bubble housing an acorn. "I found this in Baby Holly's room one night. Tawny saw you there, and your presence was unsurprising considering the amount of surveillance I've been warranting. But this is Holly's necklace, and-"

"Why do you have it on you?"

"I-I just felt I should keep it close. I was mindwiped, and I couldn't figure out what it reminded me of. I've been pretty confused for a while, Holly." He cleared his throat. "As I was saying, review of surveillance tapes showed that my sister seemed to be grabbing at something overhead before I entered the room. It had no significance at the time, of course, but now I realize that the Captain was leaning over the baby's crib close enough for her to grab at the necklace."

Holly's cheeks were burning. She didn't need reminding of that now. "So?"

"_So," _said Artemis emphatically, "that kind of ridiculously unprofessional, mission-endangering behavior is completely unlike the captain."

There was a pause. "Without due cause, of course," Artemis added. "That leaves us two options: infantile obsessive mania and godmother magic. And frankly, I'm putting my money on the latter."

The LEP sat in stunned silence. Godmother magic was…a relic. Part of the Book nobody bothered with anymore, because humans didn't name their children after fairies anymore. Sure, there were more than enough humans named Julius and Holly running around, but since they weren't actually _named_ _after_ the corresponding fairies, godmother magic had remained dormant. Unconsciously, Artemis had become the first human in three millennia to invoke it. The most recent had been an Egyptian merchant in the reign of Thutmose III who had named his daughter after a fairy called Sindrai-La. Trust Artemis Fowl to know part of the Book better than most fairies.

"It's her right to watch over my sister as she grows up. It's an _old_ right. Older then civilization. Actually, it predates the concept of rights. It's more of a tradition, but one written in stone."

Holly was numb. "Commander…"

Root was lost in thought.

"Commander!" said Foaly. "What does this mean for Holly?" He gave Artemis a dirty look.

"Some sort of pay raise, I assume," said Artemis, mildly surprised. "Having that sort of power on your force should be quite a feather in your cap."

"What are you talking about, Fowl?"

"Aren't her magical abilities somewhat magnified now?"

"We would have noticed something, Fowl," Foaly argued.

"It could have been subtle."

Root had been silent. Now he opened his mouth. "Holly, I've been meaning to ask you. How did you know which airplane Fowl was on?"

"Um…" There was a silence. "I don't know, Commander, I must have-"

Foaly tapped keys frantically. "There were at least three other birds the same make and style of Fowl's jet sitting on the runway at the same time. Unless you went and memorized the serial number, or, or saw them get on…"

Holly shook her head, mind reeling. "I don't remember any other planes, Foaly."

"Okay, Fowl," said Root. "I'll take this to the Council."

----

Seven hours later, the plane was finally on the ground and Artemis had scuttled off to hook up a videoconference with the LEP on the biggest television in the house. Tawny had checked and triple-checked the locks and alarm systems, text-messaged Jen, and was off leaving a message on Butler's cell phone and wondering what would have happened if Butler had stayed with Artemis instead of going to the spa with his parents. There would be a monster surprise waiting for him when he came back.

"All right, Mud Boy," said Chairman Cahartez testily to the pale boy on the other end of the teleconference link. "Let's see if there's any merit to this. Increased powers, you say?"

"Yes. Increased sunlight tolerance, premonitions, and possibly a magical manifestation of the bond between the two. "

"Premonitions?" Vinaya asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Holly," prompted Artemis expectantly.

"I could barely sleep for a week before she got kidnapped," Holly offered, knowing how insubstantial it sounded.

"Intriguing," said Vinaya.

"But hardly conclusive," added another, a fat sprite named Vernal.

"That is why we have set up this demonstration. A supernatural bond has been hinted at already by the captain's ability to locate my sister unfailingly."

"Who is _that?_" Cahartez was pointing behind him. Artemis turned around. Tawny had come in and was sitting cross-legged on a chair behind him. She raised her eyebrows back at him, seeming much happier.

"Get her out of here."

"If this fails you'll have to wipe her anyways," Artemis pointed out. The Chairman pursed his lips. "You need to stay quiet," Artemis mouthed at Tawny. She nodded.

Holly was sitting in a chair with her back to the screen. She'd had enough time for a brief nap and was refreshed enough to be on edge. An iso-helmet rested in her lap. They were lightproof, soundproof, and smellproof. This prevented any sort of sensory input from reaching Holly other than touch, ensuring that Artemis couldn't give her any sort of signal.

"Miss Short, if you would." Holly lifted the helmet.

"_Captain_ Short, Chairman, if you don't mind," she said sweetly before pulling it over her head. The other members of the room could see and hear her, but Holly was in a dark and silent world. She shut her eyes unnecessarily, unsure what it was she was supposed to be feeling.

There! There, it was faint, but it was there…the beginnings of distress.

"She's going to start crying," Holly said. She should have said it with relief or dismay at the fact that she did indeed seem to have a link with the child, but all she felt was a faint, irritated anxiety. Somebody needed to go pick that baby up and pat her back.

All eyes went to Artemis's screen. A split second later, the wail of an infant cut the silence. Holly could not hear it, but she turned her head blindly towards the screen. Tawny jumped up and brought the baby back in. Captain Short sat immobile, listening to the new sense at the back of her head.

"She wants _Artemis,_" she said.

Tawny handed the baby to Artemis and the cry subsided. Holly pulled off the helmet without waiting to be told and stared at the screen. The baby stared at the people on the TV in front of her. Artemis leaned Baby Holly closer.

"That's your godmother," he whispered, pointing.

"That enough evidence of a bond?" Root asked. "Godmothers historically have been able to sense the emotions of their godchildren."

"We can't have an LEP operative who's a _godmother,_" another Council member said.

"Actually," said Cahartez, "this might be better. You all know the Book: we cannot impede her. If I recall correctly, _"No one should come between for their own sake/no mortal power the sacred bond can break/the duty takes precedence over convention /interfere and risk extermination._ I don't want to crank out a visa every time the Captain needed to visit her charge. Nobody asks questions about Recon officers going out to the surface all the time." There were frowns, especially from Vernal, but no further objections. "We'll need to discuss that more later, of course," said Cahartez diplomatically. "Now, we need to deal with the Fowl boy."

"Chairman," said Foaly quickly, "myself and my technical team will find it quite impossible to examine Rathmussen if we are to follow standard post-mindwipe protocol. As her ….abilities represent a significant security breach, I'm afraid we can't afford to mindwipe either of them if it means we can't examine."

"Fine. We'll postpone the wipe until we have determined and reversed the cause of the girl."

"Who knows how long that will take? It may prove irreversible," said Vinaya.

"Yeah, and when you say you'll be examining me, that's a pretty big assumption you are making right there," said Tawny diffidently. "Right, Artemis?" she added with a worried glance at her friend.

"Of course," he said.

"Now, _really,_" started a Council member with a snort of anger. "Can she really-"

Foaly muted the mike so Tawny and Artemis couldn't hear the Council's dialogue.

"If Tawny proves belligerent the difficulty of this will be seriously compounded. Artemis is the only one who can get her to sit still and say ahh," he said.

Artemis could read lips. He smiled to himself as Foaly turned back to the screen and turned off the mute.

"Isn't mindwiping Artemis impeding me?" Holly asked without taking her eyes off the baby. It was strange to think that her godmother responsibilities could affect her so much.

"The recollection of the brother does not stop the captain visiting the sister."

"Yes, but think how much harder it would make things," Artemis pointed out. "I'm a difficult person to hide things from."

"Fowl, if you can give me a single reason why we shouldn't mindwipe you-"

"Are you kidding?" asked Holly incredulously, finally tearing her eyes away from the screen.

"Look what happens," cried Foaly.

"He made Holly a godmother by accident and got chased halfway around the world by an enemy he didn't know he had," said Root. "I'd say he's more dangerous without memories than with them. At least with the C Cube thing he helped us fix it."

A silence fell. The Council stared.

"It looks like three of the fairies who know Artemis best think we should not re-wipe him," said Vinaya.

"If this works out," said Artemis, "I'm sure that Tawny would become most cooperative."

"Definitely," agreed a pale Tawny. "Whatever you say."

"And we could always help with Jen."

"Jen?" Tawny was confused. "What does this have to do with Jen?"

"She's started chewing through drywall, Foaly," said Artemis, ignoring Tawny's question. "The genetic screening seems to have missed a few things. Things that can't be fixed with a wipe. She's enough of a fairy to forbid _mesmerizing_. I think a quiet cluing in would be best for all concerned. I could help."

Cahartez stared.

"You win, Master Fowl. But give us a reason, and we will a have deal with your threat in rather a more permanent way. Understood?"

Tawny bared her teeth. Artemis laid a hand on her arm. "No more messing around," he said, looking directly at Foaly, Holly, and Root. "Understood."

There was a pause, and he looked back at the Council members almost as an afterthought. "If this is all settled, I would like to conduct a few preliminary examinations on Tawny." She looked at him, startled. Foaly snorted.

"Congrads, Tawny. You're the first girl Artemis Fowl has ever become interested in."

"_Thank you_, Foaly," said Artemis, making a mental note to unleash a worm in the centaur's data files next week.

---

Tawny sat in the armchair, looking extremely uncomfortable. Artemis noticed.

"Tawny…If you want to delay this, I understand. You've been through a lot recently."

She relaxed a little bit just because he had asked, Artemis noted. "Nah, it's okay."

Artemis produced a coin. A quarter, left over from the cab fare change.

"Call it," he said.

"Heads."

Artemis glanced at Tawny. "Call it _after _I flip it."

"Oh. Okay."

He flipped it. The second the coin left his fingers, Tawny said "Tails." The coin landed heads.

"Artemis, what are we even doing here?"

Old habits die hard. Part of Artemis was still annoyed at everyone less intelligent than he. Instead of a sharp retort, however, he sighed. _I really must try harder to treat people as equals. _ "I will explain in a second, Tawny, I promise."

"Okay, sorry. I guess I'm just a little tired."

"All right. I am going to flip this coin again. I want you to watch it as it falls and make an informed guess as to what it's going to be," he said slowly. Tawny frowned. "Is there a problem?" he asked.

"No, I assume you have a point. Go ahead."

"I do." Artemis flipped the coin. Tawny's eyes followed its flashing descent until Artemis snatched it out of midair. "Tails," she said.

Artemis opened his hand. It was tails. "Fifty-fifty chance," he said cheerfully. "More."

"But, Artemis-"

"Questions later, Tawny. I promise."

Twenty-four flips later, Tawny had called the coin toss correctly twenty-one times. An additional twenty-five later and she had only missed one more, and was becoming increasingly bewildered and frustrated.

"Artemis," she asked finally. "Why are you having me do this? If you're letting me look at the coin, what's the point?"

Artemis's inner scientist was calling for more trials to prove his theory, but he supposed it could wait. He unconsciously broke out into a grin that still contained traces of the vampire.

"I think I've solved it, Tawny."

"How? You mean how I see fairies?" She stared at the quarter, then at his eyes. "That was fast."

Artemis handed her the quarter. "Flip it for me." Tawny looked at the head on the coin. Its somber gaze seemed to say "I don't know what he's on about, either." She flipped it. Just as Tawny had done before he reversed their roles, Artemis watched the coin arc in the air until the point where it was caught.

"Heads." It was tails. "Do it again."

Tawny flipped the coin ten more times. Artemis guessed correctly six times.

"Dude, are you missing on purpose or something?"

"Don't call me that," Artemis said, though his smile stretched even farther. The reveal-his favorite part.

"Yes…Artemis, we both know you love demonstrating how smart you are. But I've had a long day, and-"

"It's simple."

Tawny sighed. Whenever Artemis said something was simple she was in for a lecture.

"Your eyes process images faster than normal human eye. Design-wise they're more like those of a rat."

"A rat." Tawny said flatly.

"Yes." Artemis seemed to realize that Tawny was not thrilled about this. "They don't _look_ like rat eyes, you understand. But the way they actually work must be similar. Do you know why I missed about fifty percent of the coin flips?"

"It's a fifty-fifty chance."

"But I was watching it fall. When you actually watched the coin fall, you got it right ninety-two percent of the time."

"Yes," said Tawny, speaking slowly, as though to a child. "But you let me watch it."

"But Tawny, that made no difference when I did the same thing."

"Yes, but…" Tawny's voice trailed off. Artemis saw the beginnings of a frown of comprehension.

"Tawny," he continued earnestly, "when I see that coin fall-when Jen or Butler or Juliet or _anyone else _sees that coin fall, all we see is a blur." She blinked. Artemis sat forward in his chair, talking faster, the thrill of discovery lighting up his eyes. "When we see a fairy with its shield up, all we see is a blur. A shielding fairy and a coin are both moving far too fast for our eyes to process it. Since a fairy moves faster than a coin, they are actually invisible to everything but rats and two species of monkey. You see whether the coin is heads or tails immediately before I catch it. Your eyes process the images much faster. That's why your television at home always looked broken." Tawny jumped. She had never mentioned that to him.

"Movies and TV play still images at such high speeds that to a normal person, they look like they're moving," Artemis continued, noting her reaction. "But it always seemed flickering and unrealistic to you because you were seeing the individual images on your old television."

"What about here? I just assumed you had better TVs."

"We do. That is, the technology is better and faster, to the point where it almost fools you. This is also why your reflexes are so much better than a normal person's, even an athlete or video gamer's. Processing images faster gives you more time to react. Your eyes may have gotten you thrown into a mental institute, but your reflexes probably saved your life when Dr. Litton attacked you, and they're also part of why you're as good a bodyguard as you are."

Tawny was staring at the floor between her feet, hands clasped. Artemis's smile faded as she stared at the ground, shoulders hunched.

"I'm really not crazy." The words sounded hollow as they escaped from her mouth. Artemis stared at her bowed head, trying to discern emotions through the blond strands of hair that fell forward to hide Tawny's face

"Tawny, are you okay?"

"What will we do about Sea Pines?"

"Lie," said Artemis in what he hoped was a calm, understanding tone. "We'll fake a repressed-memory callback that completely cures you. It should be fairly easy to get you discharged. They'll have security tapes of Litton's attack and should be eager to avoid litigation in any case."

Normally the mere mention of Litton would cloud Tawny's face and make her angry. She looked at Artemis, grinning, tear tracks winding their way down her face; she blinked a few times and stood up abruptly. Artemis blinked as he was pulled upright and given a bone-crushing hug. He thought he felt his spine crack, but he didn't start to worry until he realized she was sobbing into his shoulder. Awkwardly Artemis stood there until she was done crying, then gently pushed her body away from his until he could make out her glistening face with shut eyes. She opened them and grinned again.

It wasn't the crazy grin, the tired grin, the reassuring grin, the you're-in-trouble-_now_ grin or any of the others Artemis had had occasion to see before on Tawny's face. It resembled the happy grin, but went so much further. Tawny smiled a smile that broadcasted a powerful wave of pure euphoria that Artemis suspected had been inside her for a long, long time. He blinked again as she started to chuckle. "I'm better than okay, Arty," she cackled. "I am _amazing_. I am _fantastic_." With a banshee yell, she did a back handspring.

"See?" breathed Foaly. About half the Council was standing behind him, their facial expressions ranging from annoyance to bafflement to impressed. "That would have taken us months, but he knows her better. Genius." He spun around in his chair. "We made the right choice."

"I don't suppose we can mindwipe him now that-" one member began hopefully. Every police officer in the room started shaking their heads. "No," said Cahartez, agreeing with the LEP for once. "Not until he messes up."

"Zoom in on his face," urged Holly, sipping a nettle smoothie. Foaly gleefully tapped keys until the Irish boy's startled visage filled the screen.

"He's not used to being the best thing that ever happened to anyone," Holly said. "Ooh, she just landed a double-axle kickflip."

---

Next update: Tying of Loose Ends including Jen and the Neutrino

The floor is lava,

Silverfingers


	25. Epilogue

Epilogue…ahhh. 250 reviews, 25 chapters, and over a year later, my first fic is finally finished. It's been great, and interesting for me to see how my own writing has evolved. Thanks to all my reviewers- the happiness your feedback brought me was great. Thanks to all of you! For this final chapter's being posted (FINALLY), you have to thank or-chan and xLzM, whose reviews finally got me motivated enough. :-)

Final Random Quote is from _Pyramids_ by Terry Pratchett:

"What our ancestors would really be thinking, if they were alive today, is: why is it so dark in here?"

---

There was a pounding on the door. Artemis opened it and raised his eyebrows slightly at Jen's panting figure.

"Hey," she said. Without waiting to be asked in, she walked through the door.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

Had Jen been paying full attention, she would have noticed that Artemis had asked her a caring question. No fool herself, she would have noticed a sudden change in his posture and the way he was wearing his casual clothes- as though he was actually wearing casual clothes, rather than as though he was unconsciously wearing a suit but had been temporarily been forced into a T-shirt and jeans. Tawny came in. She looked happier, but Jen didn't notice that, either.

"Artemis."

"Hello, Jen," he said carefully, sensing that she was on the brink of something. "I thought they didn't let boarders off campus."

"I tunneled my way out." Tawny laughed. Jen turned and made eye contact with the much taller Russian girl.

"I'm not kidding, T. I tunneled my way out. You want to know how I did it, Arty?"

"Let me guess," said Artemis, not unkindly. "You unhinged your jaw with a noise like someone stepping on the world's largest packing peanut and tunneled out through the soft loam over by the football field."

Jen's jaw dropped. It was a big jaw.

"Is there something I'm not getting here, Arty?" Tawny was looking at him confusedly.

"Jen, I'm going to go explain matters to Tawny," he said, grasping Tawny's arm just above the elbow but making sure not to break eye contact with the frazzled Jen. Jen, eyes giant but staring at nothing, slowly sank down onto the couch on the entry hall as her friends retreated briefly into the kitchen.

"Artemis, what is going on?"

"Tawny, I think Jen may be part dwarf."

"What?"

"They're a type of fairy."

Tawny recoiled. "How is _Jen_ one of _**them**_?"

"She's not. I think she is _part_ fairy. They…happen occasionally. Very occasionally." He didn't miss the vehemence on the last word. "Fairies are not our enemies, so there's no need to be saying 'them' like that." Tawny looked at him and saw he was serious.

"I mean it, Tawny. They are not the reason you were thrown in a mental home."

"Yes, they-"

"You know what I mean. Back to Jen: you knew she was adopted?"

"Yeah…" Tawny's eyes got huge. "Whoa. So the tunneling thing…"

"Dwarves have many interesting burrowing capabilities. I think we need to contact the LEP."

---

Jen stared at the marble floor. Artemis knew what was going on. She wasn't crazy. That thought gave her such relief that she felt a pang at what it must be like to be Tawny.

A piece of hair was quivering. She looked over at it. "What are you so excited about?" she muttered.

Someone had come up to the open doorway. She stopped talking to her hair.

"Hey. Hello?" asked a gravelly voice. He hadn't seen her sitting off on the chaise lounge in the corner.

Jen didn't look up. "Mr. and Mrs. Fowl aren't home."

"What about the-" the voice died off. There was a prolonged silence.

Jen looked up.

The person was wearing a very ill-fitting mailman's uniform. He was extremely short and was covered by a thicket of hair and beard. His mouth was hanging open. It was a big mouth. The part of Jen's brain that wasn't in shock noticed that she had never met anybody who looked so much like her.

"Arianna?" the man said hoarsely. Jen stood up.

"My name is Jen."

"And your mother's name?"

"Avva."

"No, kid, I mean your real mother." Jen thought for a minute.

"Avva," she said again.

"The one who had you!" he exclaimed, very impatient all of a sudden.

"Oh. I don't know." There was a faint buzzing in her ears. A piece of her hair was curling and uncurling excitedly. This mailman didn't look…_human. _"I was-"

"Adopted," said the man, nodding. "I bet you were." He looked thoughtful, then he registered a double take. "What have you got to do with _Artemis Fowl?"_

---

"Where's Tawny?" asked Jen.

"Here I am," said Tawny from the top of the stairs. "Let's go." Artemis looked up from his cell phone screen at her.

"Tawny," he sighed.

"What?" she said, struggling to close her clutch and hitching the strap of her dress over her shoulder. Artemis frowned. In defiance of the known laws of fabric and tailoring, clothes just plain didn't _fit_ Tawny. The tailor had done a superb job but somehow, just two days later, it looked like he'd done it in the dark. Worse. The dress looked positively-Artemis almost shuddered at the thought- _off-the-rack_.

"Did you wash it? Alter it?" Tawny frowned obliquely.

No…"

Artemis sighed. "But it fit a couple days ago…let me see that purse, Tawny" he asked in a different tone.

She handed it over unwillingly. "It's just girl stuff…"

"Like two stun grenades, a derringer pistol, and a set of throwing stars?"

There was a pause.

"At least let me keep the hairbrush."

"Why? Is that where you hid your cyanide capsules?"

"Ha ha. I swear, it's like you don't want to be protected." said Tawny, grabbing his hand. "Let's go. BYE, MISTER AND MRS. F!"

"Bye, kids," chuckled Artemis Fowl, Senior. "Have a good time at the opera."

"We will if Arty managed to get decent seats this time."

"What do you mean, decent seats this time? Last time we were in the Top Box!"

"Yeah, and we were so far from the stage you had to use a pair of mini-binoculars to see it."

"Quit trying to distract me-these aren't really Altoids, are they? Security will just confiscate them-" The sound of their absentminded bickering was cut off by the door slamming behind them. Timmy and Angeline shook their heads cheerfully as the Bentley took off and purred into the night.

"It's so nice he's getting out and doing something normal for once," sighed Angeline happily.

"I don't remember there being any security in place the last time we were at the opera," mused Artemis's father.

Outside, the driver of the Bentley turned around on her stack of phone books and grinned at the kids in the back over a quivering wing.

"Everybody have their seatbelts on? Are we good to go, Artemis?"

"I believe so, Captain."

Tawny was in the middle, and her struggle to pull off her eels was occupying most of the backseat. Artemis had his seatbelt on and his face nearly pressed against the window. Jen looked similarly uncomfortable, with Tawny's elbow in her face.

"Drive, pixie," Tawny said through gritted teeth, yanking hard on a tiny silver buckle. "I hate these things."

"We've got a clear alibi until about midnight. Tara, I presume?" Artemis asked Holly with a smile. "Tawny, you know you're just projecting hostility and anxiety onto those shoes."

"I know."

"Tara is a correct guess, not that I'm surprised you got it," said Foaly's voice from a speaker in Holly's helmet.

"Tara?" said Tawny. "What the heck is-hey-ey," she said, suddenly paler, "Watch it on the curves, Thumbelina. This is an expensive car."

"Holly can drive anything. And it wasn't that expensive. Calm down, Tawny," said Artemis. "It's going to be okay."

He felt Tawny's hand compulsively gripping his arm as they climbed out of the shuttle. She looked a little green. Jen took a step towards the first van with Tawny and Artemis.

"No," Holly stopped her. "You go in Van 2, Jen."

"Oh. Okay."

"Where's Jen going?" tawny asked.

"Jen has unique rights as a semi-citizen. She will receive a briefing on them, and then proceed to a rather special branch of the LEP to discuss her options."

They sat together in the back of the transport van as it wound its way through Haven's unsuspecting streets. Holly was in the driver's seat, occasionally glancing backwards in amusement.

The two gangly teenagers sat like oversized dolls in the back of the van, slightly crouched even though it was the largest one in the LEP force. The largest one with tinted windows, anyways-humans in Haven were not supposed to happen, ever. Especially not Public Enemy Artemis Fowl and his friend, Security Risk One. Tawny's existence hadn't even been released to the public yet. And would never be, with any luck at all.

Artemis glanced at Tawny's face.

"Are you okay?" he asked, alarmed. What had she seen that had upset her?

One of her eyelids was twitching. "I'm fine."

He let her squeeze his arm harder, even though it already felt like a bruised banana, as she drew in a shaky breath.

"You're not crazy," he started.

"I hate tests," she said through gritted teeth.

"I'm getting a few tests run, too. I know you consider it a bit of an indignity, but please remember: the People are not our enemies. Fairies are not the reason you were imprisoned-"

"Yes they were! And they're the reason you were a total space cadet for the past two years and the reason you jumped off the Spiro Needle and-"

"Tawny. There were lots of reasons I jumped off the Spiro Needle. And they didn't wipe me without reason." She stared at him.

"Nothing you did could have made you deserve that."

"You'd be surprised." He stared off into space briefly, and she elbowed him.

"Don't get like that. The Spiro Needle. Do you know what that _did_ to me?" Artemis was silent. "This is bad," Tawny fretted. "If they decide to mindwipe us down here, there's nothing I can do."

"If they want to mindwipe us they can do it very easily without bringing us down here," Artemis said calmly.

"You're really not worried."

"No."

"Since when are you Mr. Trusting?"

Holly snorted. They couldn't hear her, of course.

"I've resolved to try and trust people more. And if you're going to insist on acting like my bodyguard, which by the way you are **not**, how's this for a reason: they're not an enemy of mine, so they're not an enemy of yours."

A jolt announced that they had docked at a special cleared loading zone.

"We're here," announced Holly. They got out of the truck, away from the comlinks that had been relaying their every word back to the Ops Booth. Holly pulled off her helmet.

"It wasn't easy for me to watch, either," she said, out of mike range. "If it makes it easier for either of you." Artemis smiled, white teeth winking in the gloom.

"All is forgiven, Holly. No-that sounds so arrogant. There's nothing to forgive. I was a threat to the People that you had to neutralize."

"No you weren't-" Holly started, but she was cut off by Tawny's laugh.

"A threat? Come on, Arty, this is the most sophisticated setup I've ever seen. What could you possibly have done to annoy a bunch of fairies?"

There was a pause.

---

Merry Christmas!

The floor is lava,  
Silverfingers


End file.
